Winter is coming, gurl! Jonathan loves three things - hair, werking and Game of... more »
Published April 13, 2013 840k views More Info »
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Directors/Writers - Erin Gibson and Brad Schultz
Featuring - Jonathan Van Ness and Ross Buran
Producer - Matt Mazany
Editor - Will Reese
Titles - Ian Skalski
Camera - Aaron Ulrich

Male Voice:
(whispers) Exclusive.
[Theme Music]
Jonathan Van Ness: Did you watch Game of
Thrones last night?
Ross Buran: I did.
Jonathan Van Ness: Like last week when she
premiered I was so
Jonathan Van Ness: excited, I was like too
excited, so I had to like
Jonathan Van Ness: smoke some weed, but then I
smoked so much, and I ate
Jonathan Van Ness: so much that I just passed
out. So last night I had
Jonathan Van Ness: to watch both
episodes in a row.
[music]
Jonathan Van Ness: There were serving straight
up Winterfell realness last
Jonathan Van Ness: night, okay.
Jonathan Van Ness: Jonathan: What was up with
that little munchkins face?
Ross Buran: Ross: Y-Yeah. He got
hit with an axe?
Jonathan Van Ness: Jonathan: Yeah,
the munchkin.
Jonathan Van Ness: So then this greasy
guy with the long
Jonathan Van Ness: hair, which I was kind
of feeling that long hair on
Jonathan Van Ness: him. It was like kind
of fetch, but
Jonathan Van Ness: when he was about to go
down on that girl, and she
Jonathan Van Ness: got up and put her vagina
in the shot, it was like
Jonathan Van Ness: that tight shot of her vagine,
I was like, I don't
Jonathan Van Ness: if it was like a fantasy
g-string so it was like
Jonathan Van Ness: puffy, because they don't
have Victoria's Secret in Winterfell.
Jonathan Van Ness: And then like his mouth got
closer to it, and I was like
Jonathan Van Ness: there seriously has to be
a dick in there, but then
Jonathan Van Ness: thank God that guy came in,
and he was all like,
Jonathan Van Ness: "You better back
away slowly."
Jonathan Van Ness: Meanwhile do you love that
girl who looks like Christina?
Jonathan Van Ness: I love her. But then you
have like these slaves,
Jonathan Van Ness: and I'm like these slaves
get such a raw deal.
Jonathan Van Ness: Like they have to go kill
some poor mother's first baby
Jonathan Van Ness: to get in the slave club.
They were so hard core
Jonathan Van Ness: that one dude got his
nipple cut off.
Jonathan Van Ness: I was like, "Ah." Like the
nipple just flew off,
Jonathan Van Ness: and he was like.
Jonathan Van Ness: So then they had me fooled
last night too, because
Jonathan Van Ness: there was that little baby
girl, and I was like
Jonathan Van Ness: she's so cute, and then in my
head I was like,
Jonathan Van Ness: I'll put some rollers right
here, and give her like
Jonathan Van Ness: a cute Sunday brunch, little
baby girl blow dry.
Jonathan Van Ness: And then the next thing you know
she's like, "Here's an egg."
Jonathan Van Ness: And I'm like, "Baby girl what's
in the egg?"
Jonathan Van Ness: And then that other girl opens
the egg, and it's like this
Jonathan Van Ness: fucking beetle.
I couldn't believe.
Jonathan Van Ness: And then like that fucked...
like she's all
Jonathan Van Ness: blue in the mouth, and I was
like, "Run girl, run.
Jonathan Van Ness: She's a bitch."
[snipping]
Jonathan Van Ness: So then I'm like, how bored
do you have to be
Jonathan Van Ness: to sit around and watch a
ship, but then the
Jonathan Van Ness: ladies maid in the back was
all like, "Don't your bitch
Jonathan Van Ness: with that guy." And then she's
was like, "Don't trust
Jonathan Van Ness: that guy with your bitch."
And then by 30 seconds
Jonathan Van Ness: of that, I was like, what the
fuck is going on right now.
Jonathan Van Ness: Meanwhile, I'm watching,
and I'm like,
Jonathan Van Ness: "Did Tilda Swinton
eat a pig?"
Jonathan Van Ness: But then you had like that
little red-headed hussy
Jonathan Van Ness: all up with the 12 year old
king talking about,
Jonathan Van Ness: "I couldn't have sex with
him, because he was gay.
Jonathan Van Ness: La-la-la-la."
Jonathan Van Ness: That is so not cool. Do you
know how many straight
Jonathan Van Ness: dudes I got with?
Jonathan Van Ness: Although, I did have to say
that little 12 year old boy.
Jonathan Van Ness: He was talking all that
shit about his flower,
Jonathan Van Ness: like that little flower
sash. I live for that
Jonathan Van Ness: flower sash. I would've
twerked that.
[snipping]
Jonathan Van Ness: You are serving me some
Targaryen realness
Jonathan Van Ness: right now, okay.
[music]
Emilia Clarke: Where are...
Jonathan Van Ness: My dragons.

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