(Male Voice): The semesters ending which means college students everywhere,
are getting ready to graduate, and enter the real world.
Funny or Die News hit the street to ask...
What's your advice for the class of 2015?
> I'd say, don't stress out if you can't find a job right away.
It took me like 6 years to find my first job, but when I did it was CEO of Dell
computers, and now I'm sitting pretty.
> Be fiscally responsible. Like, ask for a water cup, but when nobody's looking
fill it with soda.
> No matter what anyone tells you, try your hardest, and try not to kill no one.
> Everything you need to know in life you learn in kindergarten.
> Except for proficiency in Excel.
> I say you take a percentage of your check, say about 5 or 10% percent,
and every week just invest in some really good cocaine.
> If you need me to tell you to do a podcast, then you are already fucked.
> The most important part about being an adult is following all your favorite
brands on social media.
> Even if your parents payed your way through college, remember you don't
owe them shit. Cut them off now, before the emotions get to complicated.
> My advice, never let them see you sweat,
or sneeze, fart...pretty much any bodily function you're going to want to keep
under wraps. Especially don't let them see you cum.
> Don't bother shooting your gun at lightening. It won't do anything.
> What's your advice for the class of 2015?
> Try everything once, except celery. It's pretty much bullshit.
Don't even bother with it, big waste of time.
> I'd say be alert, be aware of your surroundings.
You know the other day I was just telling my son...
> I'm Mike for Funny or Die News, and my advice to the graduating class of 2015,
follow me on Vine baby.