Current Poet Laureate Kay Ryan had better watch out if she doesn't want to be shot with a neck laser.

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Written by and Starring Patton Oswalt. Directed by Eric Appel.

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February 22, 2009


President Obama
As you lead this country into this sort of 21 century
it is long deserved I ask you to appoint me
E. Hamish Plubrick
as the new poet laureate of
these United States
My qualifications are
[soothing music in the background]
- I have been teaching poetry and comparative literature
- at the [unintelligible word] College,
since 1981
I am a Price published poet
Who participates in regular poetry readings
And her nipples like pig dicks in a cyclone
Your current poet laureate a fearsome sapphic wordsmith
With the unlikely name of K. Ryan will not serve
you well in the new millennium
And despite JD McClasky's praise of Ms. Ryan's poem
she did not pack the quick silva gravatas and bantamweight
all of punch of poets such as Wallace Stevens,
[unintelligible name],
and the Notorious BIG
and she does not posses a chin waddle
that can turn poetry into hot sonic death
[guy growls]
Is there any secret in skulls, the castle skulls in the...
[laser sound]
I pledge my death waddle to the cause of poetry
and should you chose me I will also reveal the five other
forbidden poetic death talents I gained after defeating
Stanley Kunitz in the rhyming pit under vassa
the shadows lengthen obama, the shadows lengthen
Oh get it away
[music plays]