Current Poet Laureate Kay Ryan had better watch out if she doesn't want to be shot with a neck laser.
Published February 22, 2009 84k views More Info »
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Written by and Starring Patton Oswalt. Directed by Eric Appel.
3,920 Funny Votes
939 Die Votes
Published February 22, 2009

President Obama

As you lead this country into this sort of 21 century
it is long deserved I ask you to appoint me

E. Hamish Plubrick

as the new poet laureate of
these United States

My qualifications are

[soothing music in the background]
- I have been teaching poetry and comparative literature
- at the [unintelligible word] College,

since 1981

I am a Price published poet

Who participates in regular poetry readings

And her nipples like pig dicks in a cyclone

Your current poet laureate a fearsome sapphic wordsmith

With the unlikely name of K. Ryan will not serve
you well in the new millennium

And despite JD McClasky's praise of Ms. Ryan's poem

she did not pack the quick silva gravatas and bantamweight
all of punch of poets such as Wallace Stevens,
[unintelligible name],

and the Notorious BIG

and she does not posses a chin waddle

that can turn poetry into hot sonic death

[guy growls]

Is there any secret in skulls, the castle skulls in the...

[laser sound]


I pledge my death waddle to the cause of poetry

and should you chose me I will also reveal the five other

forbidden poetic death talents I gained after defeating
Stanley Kunitz in the rhyming pit under vassa

the shadows lengthen obama, the shadows lengthen

Oh get it away

[music plays]


From Around the Web