Add to Playlist

Gay reporter Tim Kalchnor finally makes it into the Olympic Village in Sochi, and gets exactly the Russian welcome he was expecting.
Published February 20, 2014 14k views More Info »
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Writer/Reporter - Bryan Safi
Producer/Director - Rachel Goldenberg
Producer - Ally Hord
Coordinator - Becca Scheuer
Editor - Pat Bishop
Production Assistant - Ashley Holloway
DP - Aaron Ulrich
Gaffer - Igor Tochilnikov
BB Electric - Armando Ballesteros
Key Grip - Ian Thomas
Prod Designer - Kyle Smith
Art Assistant - Mike Stanislawski
Wardrobe - Derya Derman
Makeup - Carleigh Herbert
Sound - Alex Hutchinson
Intern - Edgar Castillo
491 Funny Votes
196 Die Votes
14,227 Views
Published February 20, 2014

TIM KALCHNOR HAS BEEN IN SOCHI FOR THE
LAST WEEK TO GIVE YOU AN INSIDERS VIEW OF
THE WINTER OLYMPICS.
TIM JOINS US NOW LIVE, FROM SOCHI.
- WELL, JUST IN TIME FOR THE CLOSING CEREMONIES
I'M HAPPY TO REPORT THAT I MADE IT.
I MADE IT INTO SOCHI.
OKAY, SO HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED.
EVERYTHING WAS GOING GREAT.
I TOOK EVERY PRECAUTION.
I WALKED INTO THE OLYMPIC VILLAGE IN DISGUISE:
BASEBALL HAT, JEANS THAT DIDN'T FIT,
BLACK SOCKS WITH SNEAKERS.
I RAN AWAY FROM CHILDREN AS SOON AS THEY
CAME UP TO ME, AND THEN BRIAN BOITANO TRIED TO
HIGH FIVE ME, AND I SHOVED HIM OUT OF THE WAY.
I DID EVERYTHING RIGHT, BUT THEN BILLY JEAN KING
ASKED ME, "DO YOU KNOW HOW TO DRIVE
STICK SHIFT HERE?"
I SHOWED HER, AND BAM, I'M IN JAIL.
I HOPE I'LL BE OUT IN TIME TO COVER
THE NEXT WINTER OLYMPICS, WHICH I ASSUME
IS IN FUCKING DARFUR.
SO HELP ME-- THIS IS SUCH A TIME TO CELEBRATE.
THEY WON. THEY WON. THEY WON. AND THEY WON--
GET ME OUT OF HERE--
AND UM, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY, ONCE YOU HIT
ROCK BOTTOM YOU CAN ONLY GO UP FROM THERE,
UNLESS YOU DIE, AND THEN YOU JUST GO FURTHER DOWN.
UM, AM I GOING TO DIE?
- ALRIGHT, THANKS TIM, TAKE CARE.

Advertisement
Advertisement

From Around the Web