LINDSAY LOHAN IN JAIL!

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Lizzy the Lezzy stand up ...

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Hello. I can’t believe I got arrested for indecent exposure – I only dropped my pants for a minute to show off my newly vajazzled vaj! And really, it looks totally decent compared to what it used to look like!

And it’s so boring in here, I thought there’d be loads of hot lezzy action, but the best part so far was when I got handcuffed & strip searched. And the inmates are just a bunch of mean girls…

I tried dropping my soap in the shower but the silly bitches just yelled at me for making the floor slippy! It’s worse than being trapped with your parents!

Hey you, can you stop your blubbering? You’re giving me a headache and I’ll have to masturbate to get rid of it, and I don’t want to put my naked bum on these flea ridden sheets… unless you happen to have some prescription drugs on you?

Oh for christ’s sake, cheer up! We can masturbate together if you like…

Hey, this’ll cheer you up. I heard that Lindsay Lohan’s in here too – I really hope I meet her, I want to ask her if she can get me Samantha Ronson’s autograph

Ok ok I’ll ask her to get you one as well… but only if you stop crying.
Just lie low and you’ll be outa here in no time.