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A heartfelt message to you from Comcast regarding their upcoming merger with Time Warner.
Published February 27, 2014 1.5m views Immortal More Info »
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Jonathan – Greg Tuculescu
Todd - Tarik Ellinger
Director - Ian Pfaff
Writer – Eliza Skinner
Producer - Jason Carden
Editors – Jack and Justin
Coordinator - Parker Seaman
DP - Evan Scott
Grip/AC - Taylor Miller
Hair/MU - Leigh Schwartz
Sound - JP Robelot for BoTown Sound
PA - Andrew Grissom
41,213 Funny Votes
4,019 Die Votes
1,545,090 Views
Published February 27, 2014

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- GOOD JOB TODD.

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HI, I'M JONATHAN BRAKEL FROM COMCAST.

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WE READ YOUR COMMENTS, AND COMPLAINTS, AND
WE KNOW THAT A LOT OF YOU ARE VERY NERVOUS

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ABOUT OUR MERGER WITH TIME WARNER CABLE.

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SO, I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU TODAY, AND LET YOU KNOW NO
MATTER WHAT HAPPENS,

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WE DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOU.

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WHETHER YOU'RE CALLING IN FOR A SERVICE APPOINTMENT, FOR
YOUR CABLE BOX, OR WONDERING WHY YOUR FAVORITE

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CHANNEL DISAPPEARED, WE DON'T GIVE A FUCK.

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THAT'S WHAT MAKES US AN INDUSTRY LEADER IN
TERRIBLE CUSTOMER SERVICE.

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WE DON'T GIVE A FUCK, BECAUSE WE DON'T HAVE TO.

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WHAT? ARE YOU GOING TO GO TO ANOTHER
CABLE SERVICE PROVIDER? [ laughs ]

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CHANCES ARE WE OWN WHATEVER MOVIE OR NETWORK YOU'RE WATCHING.
SO THAT'S STILL MONEY IN OUR POCKET.

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OF COURSE YOU COULD WATCH NETFLIX, OR HULU.
IN FACT YOU SHOULD.

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WE OWN HULU. WE ALSO MAKE NETFLIX PAY
US EXTRA FOR STREAMING CONTENT,

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WHICH MEANS THEY'LL PROBABLY PASS THOSE
COSTS ON TO YOU.

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BOTTOM LINE.
FUCK YOU!

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FROM THE PEOPLE WHO ANSWER OUR PHONES
TO THE PEOPLE WHO WRITE OUR TV SHOWS

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WE DO NOT GIVE A FUCK.

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WE COLLECT LABOR VIOLATIONS, AND LAWSUITS
THE WAY FAT KIDS COLLECT COOKIES.

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SERIOUSLY, GOOGLE IT.

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THEY DON'T CALL US THE WALMART OF TELECOM,
BECAUSE WE SMELL LIKE RATS AND PIZZA.

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THEY CALL US THAT, BECAUSE WE DON'T
GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOU.

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I KNOW A BIG MERGER LIKE THIS CAN BE CONFUSING,
BUT ALL YOU REALLY NEED TO KNOW IS

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THIS IS WHO WE GIVE A FUCK ABOUT, AND THIS IS WHO
WE DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT,

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AND YOU.

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SO THANK YOU FOR CHOOSING COMCAST.

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YOU DON'T HAVE A CHOICE.

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HEY AMERICA...GO FUCK YOURSELVES.

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