Jonathan loves three things - shorts and hi-tops, color bugs, Game of Thrones.
Published April 15, 2014 210k views Immortal More Info »
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Starring Jonathan Van Ness
Jeffrey Self
Featuring: Rebecca Delgado Smith
Directed by Erin Gibson and Jeffery Self
Written by Erin Gibson, Jeffery Self, and Alessandro Minoli
Producer Matt Mazany and Ross Buran
DP - Cristina Dunlap
Editor - John Ford
Assistant Editor - Leann Bowen
Camera Operator - Matt Sweeney
Sound Mixer - Ryan Kaiser
Production Designer - Flower Cole

QUE PASA CHICA.
HOLA COOKIE.
YOU SEE GAME OF THRONES?
YO NO ES POQUITA.
OKAY, GREAT.
SO LAST NIGHT...
SO FIRST, MALEVOLENT
ENRIQUE IGLESIAS TOTALLY PISSED OFF
HIS DAD JULIO IGLESIAS. BECAUSE
HE CHOPPED OFF
OR MAYBE (INAUDIBLE) TERESA GRANDE.
SO THEN ENRIQUE MAKES THEON
PLAY BARBERSHOP, AND GIVE HIM A
REALLY CLOSE SHAVE. MEANWHILE
ENRIQUE SAYS TO THEON HIS
HERMANOS DE MUCHO MADRE WENT
WAY OUT OF DÍA DE MUERTOS.
MUERTES. MUERTOS.
MUERTOS.
MMH.
SO, THEN EVIL GLORIA ESTEFAN,
STARTS LIGHTING PEOPLE UP
LIKE IT'S DIA DE INDEPENDENCIA.
THEN BECAUSE BABY
GALAPLOS HER PRIMERA COMUNION.
THERE'S ONLY ONE HELL PRINCESS.
THE ONE WE LIVE IN NOW.
SO THEN, BABY MS. CLEO GOES FULL
LIVIN LA VIDA LOBA
ON THAT POOR DEER, AND THEN HE
GOES UP TO THAT TREE,
AND HAS THIS FULL ON PEYOTE TRIP,
KIND OF LIKE THE TIME
WHEN I WAS IN AMSTERDAM, AND I
WAS TRIPPING MY BALLS OFF
ON LIKE MUSHROOM TRUFFLES, AND I
WENT TO THIS LIKE COFFEE SHOP
WHERE I WAS TRIPPING IN,
AND ALL OF THESE WEIRD RUSSIANS
STARTED LIKE COMING DOWN THE STAIRS
IN LIKE SINGLE FILE
LINE, AND LISTENING TO THEIR
HEADPHONES, AND I STARTED TO
FREAK OUT. I THOUGHT THE WORLD
WAS CAVING IN ON ME.
SO I THOUGHT I SHOULD LIKE SWIM BACK
TO THE HOSTEL FROM THE
CANAL, BUT THEN I THOUGHT, MAYBE
YOU SHOULD HAVE SOME
ORANGE JUICE AND LIKE
RELAX A LITLE HOMEGIRL.
(IN SPANISH)
AND THEN, MARGAERY MARRIES
POWER BOTTOM KING JOFFREY, AND
HER FULL ON (INAUDIBLE SPANISH).
SO EVERYONE'S AT THE WEDDING
RECEPTION, FIESTING, HAVING
A GREAT TIME LIVING LIFE, I MEAN
MOMMY, IT WOULD NOT BE
AN EPISODE OF GAME OF THRONES
WITHOUT A WIDE OPEN
CHOCHA. YOU KNOW, I CAN GIVE
YOU WIDE OPEN CHOCHA LIKE THAT TOO,
JUST NOT IN MY LITTLE SHORTSA.
BUT THEN YOU GOT MR. SOPHIA
BRAGARTH ACCUSING PILLOW BITTER,
BUT OF COURSE PILLOW BITTER, CAN'T
DO ANY GAY STUFF BECAUSE
HE'S TOO BUSY GETTING IN A FIGHT
WITH HERMAMA DIO OVER
RUBIA CHER.
CUZ SHE'LL NEVER MARRY YOU.
AND NEITHER WILL YOU.
SO THEN POWER BOTTOM JOFFREY
HAD THESE 5 LITTLE MUNCHKI
COME OUT, AND DO THEIR OWN
VERSION OF WINTER FALL CAVALLI,
BUT HE WANTS MUNCHKIN
TO GUESS STAR, BUT THE MUNCHKINS ARE
NOT HAVING IT. SO THEN POWER
BOTTOM JOFFREY TRACES OVER THERE,
AND UNLOADS A GOBLET FULL OF
SANGRIA OVER HIS HEAD.
FINE VINTAGE. SHAME THAT IT'S SPILLED.
SO THEN, HE WANTS MUNCHKIN TO BE
HIS SANGRIA PUTA, BUT HE
TOTALLY GETS SAVED BY THE TORTA.
LOOK, THE PIE.
(CROWD CHEERS)
SO THE BIRDS FLEW OUT, AND GAVE
US FULL SAN JUAN
CAPISTRANO REALNESS.
AND THEN THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW
POWER BOTTOM JOFFREY SIPS
ON A SANGRIA, AND THEN SHE'S SHAKING.
SHE'S CONVULSING.
SHE'S JUMPING AROUND LIKE A
MEXICAN JUMPING BEAN, GIRL.
(TRADITIONAL SPANISH MUSIC PLAYS)
AND THEN, HE'S MUCHO...
MUCHO...
MUERTO, GIRL.
BUT I HAVE TO FUCKING SAY,
AFTER ALL OF THE TIMES THAT
I HAVE WAITED FOR HIS BITCH,
LITTLE PUTA ASS TO BE TAKEN
OUT, I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO
GET A LITTLE MORE TORTURE,
A LITTLE BIT MORE SUFFERING, IT'S LIKE
HE GOT DEAD IN LIKE 5
SECONDS. DO YOU REMEMBER
WHAT HE DID TO MY HOMEGIRL ROS?
DO YOU KNOW HER? SHE'S SO
FUCKING FABULOUS.
I COULD NOT BELIEVE THAT HE
GOT OFF THAT EASILY.
I JUST REALLY FELT THAT HE
DESERVED, LIKE A MUCH WORSE, LIKE
TUMULTUOUS, LIKE HORRIFIC,
LONGER DEATH. LIKE ALMOST
SURVIVED THE POISONING, BUT
THEN DIDN'T, AND THEN GOT RAPED,
AND BEATEN AND KILLED, LIKE
10 TIMES.
EN DONCES JULIO IGLASIAS, ENRIQUE IGLASIAS, Y GLORIA
ESTEFAN...
(INAUDIBLE SPANISH)
TORTA PERRO...(INAUDIBLE SPANISH)?
SI.
EXACTAMENTE.
AH, SI MAMA. YOU'RE GIVING
ME FULL LISA STARK.
LET'S GO COACHELLA (INAUDIBLE), OK?
(INAUDIBLE SPANISH)
DONDE ESTAN?
MIS TRAJONES.
MIS DRAGONES.

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