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Jonathan loves three things - Sun salutations, Oribe Gel Serum, and Game of Thrones.
Published May 05, 2014 170k views Immortal More Info »
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Starring Jonathan Van Ness
Featuring: Drew Droege
Directed by Erin Gibson
Written by Erin Gibson and Jeffery Self
Producer Matt Mazany and Ross Buran
DP - Cristina Dunlop
Editor - John Ford
Assistant Editor - Leann Bowen
Camera Operator - Aaron Ulrich
Sound Mixer - Ryan Kaiser
Production Designer - Flower Cole

HEY BOO, DID YOU WATCH GAME OF
THRONES THIS WEEK?
IT WAS ON WHILE I WAS AT A PARTY
SO I GOT TO SEE IT, BUT I
COULDN'T HEAR IT.
OH MY GOD, YOU SAW IT, BUT YOU
DIDN'T HEAR IT. SO I GET TO LIKE
TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT.
-I'M DYING TO DISH.
-YEP, PLEASE DO.
(MUSIC PLAYS)
SO AT FIRST YOU HAVE THE NEW
POWER BOTTOM GETTING HIS BABY
GIRL CORONATION, AND SHE'S WEARING
THESE 3 REALLY FLY TURTLE NECKS.
OH, THAT WAS THE LITTLE BOY THAT
LOOKED LIKE SHIRLEY JONES.
UH-HUH. SO THEN THEY CUT TO
CHRISTINA AGUILERA, AND SIR CARL
TELLING HER THAT THESE SLAVE
MASTERS LEAM SLAIN THE SLAVES AFTER
SHE ALREADY FREE'D THEM. SO THEN SHE
NEEDS TO GO BACK THERE AND LIKE
CHECK THEM.
I WILL DO WHAT
QUEENS DO. I WILL RULE.
SO THEN BUSTED RED HEAD ARRIVES
AT THIS GORGEOUS CASTLE THAT'S OWNED BY
HER AUNT, WHO'S THIS LIKE PRE-SURGERY
KATHY GRIFFIN LOOK ALIKE.
AND THEN YOU FIND OUT THAT ALAN
CUMMING IS PLAYING HER LIKE A FIDDLE,
BUT SHE REALLY DOESN'T CARE
BECAUSE SHE'S DYING TO MAKE
LIKE JAY-Z AND BEYONCÉ IN
DRUNKEN LOVE AND GET DOWN WITH
HER BAD SELF.
I DARE TO SCREAM WHEN
MY HUSBAND MAKES LOVE TO ME.
SO THEN BLOND CHER IS HAVING A
POW WOW WITH DADDY LANNISTER.
SHE FINDS OUT THAT THEY'VE BEEN
GEORGE BUSHING IT IN IRAQ KINGS
LANDING, AND THERE'S NO GOLD LEFT.
DO THEY HAVE DRAGONS?
NO.
SO LIKE, SOME HOUSES HAVE
DRAGONS AND SOME DON'T?
IT'S LIKE SOME HOUSES HAVE A POOL.
SOME HOUSES HAVE DRAGONS.
SO PRE-SURGERY KATHY GRIFFEN GIVES
BUSTED RED HEAD THIS PLATE FULL
OF LIKE MYSTERIOUS TREATS, AND
I'M LIKE I REALLY HOPE SHE WASHES
HER HANDS AFTER ALL
THAT MUSSIN' SHE JUST GOT DONE DOING.
DID YOU SEE THOSE SWEETS? IT WAS
LIKE TREMBLING, COLD, LUGUBRIOUS,
EGG PUDDING, MEAT. AND THEN HIS
PODRICK AN TILDA, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT THEY'RE DOING. LIKE, A
SITCOM, LIKE PODRICK AND TILDA'S
LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY?
(THEME MUSIC TO
LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY PLAYS)
(STUDIO AUDIENCE LAUGHTER)
(STUDIO AUDIENCE LAUGHTER)
(STUDIO AUDIENCE CHEERING)
YOU EVER COOKED RABBIT BEFORE?
NO, MY LADY.
(STUDIO AUDIENCE LAUGHTER)
DID YOU EVER COOK
ANYTHING FOR LORD TYWIN?
NO, MY LADY.
(STUDIO AUDIENCE LAUGHTER)
AND THEN WE CUT TO THE RAPE
BRANCH, AND THEN HOT JON SHOW,
AND CO. COME GALAVANTING IN.
MEANWHILE GONGO BEN AFFLECK GOES
TO RESCUE MRS. CLEO, BUT THEN YOU FIND
OUT HE'S NOT BEING RESCUED,
HE'S BEING KIDNAPPED. SO HE
WOVES INTO HODOR, AND THEN HODOR
AKA MRS. CLEO RESCUES MRS. CLEO.
SO THEN JOHN SNOW COMES TOE TO
TOE WITH KING RAIN.
LIKE THAT WHOLE
SCENE, I WAS LIKE (SCREAMS)...
NO. GIRL. OH MY GOD.
PLEASE DON'T.
WHAT AN EFFECT THIS
SHOW HAS ON YOU.
BUT THEN RAPE VICTIM NUMBER 47
BECOMES AN INTEGRAL PART OF SAVING THE
DAY, BECAUSE SHE SHANKS KING RAPE,
IN THE NECK, AND THEN YOU
THINK THAT KING RAPE IS GOING TO
GIVE HER HELL BUT THEN JON SNOW
DOGGIE STYLES HIM IN THE BACK OF
THE HEAD WITH A SWORD.
AND THEN AT THE END JON SNOW
OFFERS ALL OF THE RAPE SISTERS
JOBS, BUT THEY WERE KIND OF
LIKE, YOU KNOW JOHN, WITH ALL
DUE RESPECT, WE'RE GOING TO JUST
DO OUR OWN THING, BUT BEFORE YOU
LEAVE COULD YOU HELP US BURN
DOWN RAPE BRANCH LIKE GILBERT
GRAPE STYLE?
SO THANKS, I'M REALLY
GLAD WE TALKED ABOUT THAT.
SO, UH, MY HAIR.
HERE'S WHAT I WANT TO DO.
BALD.
NO WAY JOSE.
(COLLECTION OF SALON TOOL SOUNDS)
THIS IS SERVING ME
GENDRY BARATHEON REALNESS.
OH, WHO THE FUCK IS THAT?
IS THAT BASTARD BABY
FROM THE BARATHEON KING.
MMHH...
WHERE ARE...
MY DRAGONS.
NO GIRL, THIS IS LIKE THE
HARDEST JOB I'VE EVER HAD.
WHO IS THAT?
-NO MATTER.
-RIGHT.

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