The Rappist - Get Your Shoehorn

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prettyspecial

Brown shoes, sturdy heel.

Little leather loafer got certain zeal for

tearing flesh right off my foot

Bloody-red mess in the socks I just bought.

Push, pull, stretch and tug

Tried to use my finger but it just got stuck. 

Applied all my weight but the heel wouldn’t budge.

It just reduced the muscle to a salty, pink fudge.

I need a smooth device all made of steel, like a kiddy slide but for my heel.

Slip it in and out, like how my parents made me.  No, I’m kidding, I’m a test tube baby

Get your shoe horn.

(Repeat until annoying)

New Shoes means Party Time.

Got ‘em from Kohl’s well, Kohl’s online.

Coupon code dropped the price.

Shipping and handling: $5.99.

Stuff-struttin’ down the Blvd.

Curled up laces, sock-stuffed bulge.

I’m cool like Bono with my new shoes on

Got a slot for a penny right in the tongue.

C’mon

You can tell I'm cool by how hard I try.  I gave the flu to my grandma.  She died.

I’m the coolest guy who’s not in porn and I owe it all to my shoe horn.

Get your shoe horn

(Repeat until physically Assaulted)

Oates, John.  Hall, comma, Daryl.

Pope John Paul II’s real name is Karol.

Well, not anymore I believe he’s dead

But I didn’t verify this with a silver hammer to his head.

So

Who knows? Who can say?

Put ‘em up. Put ‘em down. Put it away!

That’s gross! It’s gratuitous and kind of hot.

You say I’m gay but I say I’m not  not.  (Double Negative indicating a positive).

Oh my god. LOL. ROFL. An elephant graveyard must mean elephant hell.

Drink a jug of milk then puke it up on tape, Get accused of murder, get accused of

ra-ra-ra-ra road rage.

Get your shoe horn

(Repeat until murdered)