One of the awards you won't see awarded at the Oscars will be for Best Handjob, which had many contenders this year.

Transcript

align:middle line:84%
align:middle line:84%
[MUSIC PLAYING]
align:middle line:84%
align:middle line:90%
And it is my honor to present
the nominees for best handjob
align:middle line:84%
by an actress in a leading role.
align:middle line:84%
And the nominees are--
align:middle line:90%
ANNOUNCER: Amy Adams
in "The Master."
align:middle line:84%
Come for me.
align:middle line:84%
Yes.
align:middle line:90%
And no more of
that boy's hooch.
align:middle line:84%
No more hooch.
align:middle line:84%
Say it again.
align:middle line:84%
No more hooch.
align:middle line:84%
Come for me.
align:middle line:84%
Ow.
align:middle line:84%
Oh.
align:middle line:84%
align:middle line:90%
ANNOUNCER: Laura Linney
in "Hyde Park on Hudson."
align:middle line:90%
LAURA (VOICEOVER):
I knew that we
align:middle line:90%
were now not just fifth
cousins, but very good friends.
align:middle line:84%
align:middle line:90%
ANNOUNCER: Kristen
Stewart in "On the Road."
align:middle line:84%
[MOANING]
align:middle line:84%
align:middle line:84%
Oh, man.
align:middle line:84%
align:middle line:90%
ANNOUNCER: Joaquin
Phoenix in "The Master."
align:middle line:90%
Kristen Stewart's Other
Hand in "On the Road."
align:middle line:84%
[MOANING]
align:middle line:84%
Oh, man.
align:middle line:84%
align:middle line:90%
And the Oscar goes to--
Kristen Stewart's Other Hand.
align:middle line:90%
ANNOUNCER: This is
the first Academy
align:middle line:90%
Award and nomination for
Kristen Stewart's Other Hand.

Advertisement
Advertisement