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Wake Up World. I’m Cory Tyler the happy news dude with your What Up on What’s Good….This Just Zen
Ah the city of Paradise, California, beautiful vistas, lakes and bears that save humans from mountain lions.
That’s right. Robert Biggs was hiking, as he usually does when he spotted a mother bear and newborn about 40 feet away.
FoSho: Aww, so sweet.
And then as he turned around to continue his walk, Biggs says a mountain lion pounced on him out of nowhere!
FoSho: Aww so deadly.
The 69-year old was wearing a large backpack, which the lion had its four paws clutched into, the man thinking the lion must have been stalking the cub and he
had just strolled by clearly the wrong place at the wrong time.
So why is this a happy story?
Tommy: Because the lion was really trying to give this bloak a hug?
Because moments later who comes along to save Biggs?
That’s right, Mother Bear pounces on the Mountain Lion who was pouncing on the man…who was probably thinking…
FoSho: Why is everybody always picking on me?
After a few moments the cat ran off, no match for the bear…but then there’s this awkward moment between Momma Dukes and Biggs…
Tommy: Lemme guess, the bear wanted a hug too…these creatures…so sensitive.
In recounting his story, the man said "Mountain lions usually grab hold of your head with all four paws, but my backpack was up above my head and (the mountain lion grabbed it instead,"
Usually? How many near death, grappled by a mountain lion and saved by a bear incident has this dude had?
FoSho: Twenty-seven, but who’s counting.
Well for those skeptics who are like, how do we know all this happened? It gets even stranger.
Biggs said he had seen the bear last year while hiking and actually befriended the bear family, even playing Patti-Cake with the cub for just seconds. (Not making this up). So saving this man from the mountain lion, Biggs believes it was the same bear, was her way of sayin’ thank you.
Tommy: Then again, the bear coulda been sizing up this bloak as a tasty treat and then mista mountain lion had spoil it all. Scene Stealer!
So where’s the proof to all of this? No video, no witnesses. Well, check out this photo of Biggs’ arm following the alleged incident. I don’t think this guy has that big of an overbite.
And just so you know this all took place in the Bean Soup Flat area of Paradise which is about a mile and a half above Whisky Flats.
Which explains everything. The bear was full and the lion was drunk.
Cory: Imagine you lose your wallet or purse…we’ve all done it.
FoSho: In the case of a cross dresser, you’ve done it at the same time. (3 snaps)
Cory: But for Alan Jacquez he lost his wallet at the most inopportune time. Having been homeless, the (age) mans wallet fell into a bunch of leaves as Jacquez rode his bike through San Jose, a wallet with not only credit cards inside but over $1300 in cash
Cory: Now I know what you’re thinking, well you can kiss those greenbacks goodbye, right?
Tommy: Don’t kiss that dollar, you don’t know what it’s been. Geezer!
Cory: Well, not so fast. Just so happens Good Samaritan Kathy Silva found the wallet. Now let me provide the background. She’s an unemployed mom of 2 with past due bills. It wasn’t to her benefit to return the wallet, she coulda taken that cash and stocked up on groceries for the next 6 months from Whole Foods…wait, it’s Whole Foods…
Cory: Make that the next 6 weeks…ok, days. (expensive)
Cory: But she didn’t do that. Kathy tracked down Jacquez and gave him back his wallet with the credit cards And every last dollar.
Jock: That’s almost as awesome as the Jock is electrifying. Almost as heart wrenching as the Jock is Handsome, almost as tear jerking as the Jock is swoll…who are we kidding. Not even close.
Cory: Alan, at this point stupefied, and having broke down in tears, tries to give Kathy some reward money in gratitude, the woman declined in essence saying, “Thank You, but that’s just how I roll!
Tommy: Plus receiving dollar bills from a man takes her back to those college days. Paying off her student loans wasn’t easy, am I right Kathy or should I say “Magenta”. …….What?
Cory: Next, we’ve seen them time and time again, “Will Work For Food”, “Down on Luck, Just Need A Buck”, “please look under your vehicle for penguins”
Fosho: These no-flying buddies need to get around some way!
Cory: Benjamin Smythe was out of work, and said in 2005 he had a really bad day .
Tommy: That’s the problem, 2005 was actually a year you bloak!
Cory: Most people would turn to drugs, drinking or watching The Bachelor…just kidding! That show has been long gone for years… It’s still on the air?…now I’m depressed…
Cory: But Smythe decided to make a cardboard sign with a saying you might not expect…
Cory: “You are perfect” That’s right, dude took to the streets of Berkeley and just walked around for all to see. At first people didn’t know what to think, but then they started beeping their horns
Cory: Which caused Alan Jacquez, who was passing by on his bike to do a double take…thus dropping his wallet….yep, thanks happy sign guy.
Tommy: I bet we can blame this bloak for a lot of tragedies. Chernobyl, The Recession, The Chip Monk Movies…All his fault.
Cory: On the real, Smythe didn’t violate any traffic laws but he did give reason for people to take a pause, those 3 words having them stop and it least think.
Jock: The Jock Is Perfect, you’re damn right the Jock is perfect. Just look at him…me…him…the whole 3rd person is really throwing me, him off…oh good god!
And now our Sage of the Day.
(I think the following will be a series of slides with words on them, versus being
delivered by one of the characters).
Slide 1: “The poor man sees a tombstone…the wise man sees a stepping stone”
Slide 2: And the horny man sees a Emma Stone. ~FoSho
What’s harder to believe? A bear coming to a hikers aid, a man losing his wallet and getting every last dollar of the $1300 bucks back or dude with a “You are Perfect” sign not getting his butt kicked for being so damn positive?
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I’m Cory Tyler for this Just Zen, because Happy…..Happens.