Leonardo DiCaprio would do anything to win an Oscar.

Full Credits

Written by Dan Siegel and Pat Bishop
Edited by Pat Bishop
Voice over actors:
Sebastian Dinatale
Danielle Calvert
Ryan Perez

Stats & Data

November 08, 2011


Male Voice: (whispers) Exclusive.
Male Narrator: When actors
are rejected, and the
Academy does nothing,
humorless biopics flourish.
Society unwilling to learn
from the past is doomed.
Oscar Presenter: And
Oscar goes to
Jamie Foxx in Ray.
Male Narrator: We must
never forget our history.
We must never be content
with Golden Globes.
Female Voice: Leo, you
will rise to be an
Academy award
winning actor.
Male Voice: It is my belief that
when a man wants to win an Oscar
he must so conduct himself
with an exaggerated accent
as to eliminate any
possibility of criticism
as to his acting.
Mr. Hammer, you were pretty
good in The Social Network.
I want you to be my
supporting lead.
You understand,
I need you.
Imagine if every voter in
the Academy was swayed
by Brad Pitt's dreamy
eyes in Moneyball.
If Shakespeare in Love can be
the Saving Private Ryan.
Harrison Ford: Shakespeare in Love.
You can never trust
the Academy.
You remember that document
I left on your desk.
The Oscar ballot?
Would you get a copy
for me please?
Is that legal?
Sometimes you need to bend the
rules a little in order to
keep your Oscar safe.
Male Voice: Please leave the
tabloid here with me.
Feel free, and share it with
your client Mr. Pitt.
Let him know I have a
copy of my own.
Brad Pitt is afraid.
Female Voice 2: All the admiration
in the world, can't fill the spot
where love goes.
Female Voice: We are actors Leo.
We get more and more famous
until our egos grow to
diabolical proportions.
Your accent sounds a
little similar.
What was your exact
qualifications for an
Oscar category of
Best Actor?
My qualifications sir,
I was in Inception,
Revolutionary Road,
Romeo and Juliet,
Blood Diamond,
Critters 3,
The Aviator,
BubbleYum commercial,
The Departed,
The Man in the
Iron Mask,
and Ellen.
I don't know which roles
to play anymore.
Male Voice 2: I can see
right through you.
You're a scared, heartless,
horrible little man.
Female Voice: Don't throw
a fit like in Titanic.
Leonardo DiCaprio: Son of a bitch!
Female Voice:
Be strong.
Male Voice: Yes,
Judi Dench.
It's time the Academy
learns the difference,
between giving me a nom,
and giving me a nod.
[music building]
Watch how dramatically
I take off these glasses.