Jonathan loves three things - Purple extensions, boots with shorts, and Game of Thrones.
- May 25, 2015
- 210k Views
Starring - Jonathan Van Ness
Featuring - Nicole Byer
Director - Erin Gibson
Producers - Matt Mazany and Ross Buran
Writers - Erin Gibson, Jonny Mais, Mark Rennie, Matt Mazany
Editor - John Ford
Director of Photography - Cristina Dunlap
Production Designer - Flower Cole
Gaffer - Matt Sweeney
Make Up and Hair - Emily Rae
Sound Mixer - Ryan Kaiser
Assistant Editor and Graphics - Kat Palardy
May 25, 2015
Jonathan Van Ness: My word girl. Did you see Game of Thrones this week?
Nicole Byer: Yessss.
> So at the beginning you have Jon Snow signing Tubby Lubby's year book.
He was all like bromance forever. So then we had Orphan Genge trying to get
Theon to help her bust out of the tower. Which was kind of like when J-lo was trying
to get Juliette Lewis to bust her out of the house in Enough, but then
instead of helping her out Theon goes straight to the Evil Elijah Wood,
sells her out, and then Evil Elijah Wood kills winterfall Dorothy Zbornak
to teach poor Orphan Genge a fucking lesson.
(The song "Thank You for Being a Friend" plays)
I totally thought I was going to have to pull a Senator Claire McCaskill,
and stop watching the show for what I thought was going to be another rape
scene, this time at the hands of the Duke Lacrosse team.
> But then that service dog came in to save the day.
> And then of course we had Anne Hathaway who was giving some tender loving kisses
to Tubby Lubby.
> But if any guy ever came the way he came...
and be like, g'bye.
> Who says that?
> Right? Also, I'm a girl so say, "Ooh, girl. You doing it!"
> We're enjoying each others bodies right now. Uhh...
> Oh god.
> Oh my.
> (Jonathan): So then we have Sir Carlisle and Munch-munch getting
auctioned on Marin Ebay.
> And I was like, there's black people on Game of Thrones. That's progressive.
> So then Munchers and Sir Carlisle were totally giving me R2-D2 and C-3PO
with all of that separation anxiety.
(R2 sounds are heard)
> (C-3PO): Excuse me sir, but for that R2 unit is a real bargain.
> And that's why Munchers had to go handle that mother fucker so that
he could get sold with Sir Carlisle. Oh, and the Lannister kids are giving me so
much teen angst in this episode.
> I love her.
> You don't know me.
> I'll start a war.
> I'm going to marry him, and we're staying right here.
> And then that used car salesman looking mother fucker, sounded like he joined
Mumford and Sons.
(Male Sings): I've tasted the Dornishmen's wife.
> But then he was all dick struck, because Kim Kardashian was doing a
live version of the paper magazine cover for him. They were some natural tig ol' bitties.
> So then the gladiator
(inaudible) Christina Aguilera, and have her fill of violence. But Lionel Richie
was all like, "Your grace, I really need you to give us 4 episodes."
> So then Sir Carlisle gets out there and he makes like Russell Crowe. He gladiators
everyone, but she is not happy to see him.
> Get him out of my site.
> (Nicole): That's like this one time I saw
my ex at this Subway shop, and I was like, I'm trying eat fresh. Get out!
> So then resurrected Chris Farley breaks Munchers free from that little cave, and
he's like, "Girl, I'm here - I'm here!"
> But look, I don't get it. Are they going to like join forces or not?
> I bet if we're super patient, and we keep watching for another year or 2 or 5,
we're totally going to find out.
> So then Blonde Cher goes down to mind fuck Margaery with a little bit of Bambi meat,
but then Margaery says the one that everyone's been waiting to hear.
> Get out you hateful bitch.
> And then Blond Cher's smug face SJP power walks out the door to go see
Barefoot Contessa at the end of the hall.
> And just when she thought she was on Oprah...
> Young man came to us, and he has much to say about you.
> Turns out she was really on Maury.
> We giving you a lie detector.
> (Jonathan): Girl those polygraph tests came in. You are a skank, and you is a liar.
> You are a liar.
> Go back to jail hoe.
> Bye bitch.
> Bye, bye, bye.
Yes, please girl, this is giving me some Asonde realness.
> Where are...
> My dragons.