Add to Playlist

VOTE FUNNY OR U RACIST Starring Phil Augusta Jackson Ryan Stanger and Colton Dunn... more »
Published August 27, 2014 370k views Immortal More Info »
11,545 Funny Votes
2,579 Die Votes
372,108 Views
Published August 27, 2014

(upbeat whistle driven music plays)

> MM, I LOVE ICE CREAM.
OH, HI OFFICER.
IS EVERYTHING OK?

> WHAT ARE YOU DOING
ON THIS PREMISES?!

> THIS IS WHERE I LIVE...

> DON'T GET SMART.
I'M GOING TO ASK YOU
ONE MORE TIME.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
ON THIS PRIVATE PREMISES?!

> THIS IS MY PRIVATE
PREMISES. I LIVE HERE
AND I'M EATING AN
ICE CREAM CONE.
(music amps up)

> GOAT SHIT!
I'M NOT BUYING IT.
YOU'RE NOT COOPERATING.
I GOT A POSSIBLE ROBBERY IN
PROGRESS AT 1-0-NINER--

> ROBERY?

> SUSPECT LOOKS TO BE
FOOT 8 INCHES
TALL.

> I'M 5, 11.

> HE'S GOT AN ATHLETIC BUILD,
AND LOOKS TO BE ABOUT
TO 240 POUNDS, AND...
HE'S AFRICAN AMERICAN.

> OK, ALRIGHT, YOU KNOW
OFFICER I'M NOT
SURE IF THERE WAS A ROBERY,
OR SOMETHING HERE RECENTLY, BUT
I--
(officer breathes heavily)

> --ASSURE YOU THAT I'VE
BEEN SITTING HERE ON THIS
STOOP FOR THE PAST 45 MINUTES,
EATING THIS ICE CREAM
CONE, AND IT HAD LIKE
10 SCOOPS ON IT.

> DROP THE WEAPON!

> WOAH, WOAH.
HOW DID YOU-- SIR, THIS IS
CLEARLY A DELICIOUS ICE
CREAM CONE. I THINK YOU'RE
OVER REACTING.

> DROP IT! SUSPECT IS
ARMED AND DANGEROUS.
HE HAS A WEAPON HE PROBABLY
STOLE FROM A LOCAL
BUSINESS.

> OK, SO NOW NOT ONLY
IS MY ICE CREAM A WEAPON,
BUT YOU THINK I STOLE IT?

> YES.

> OK.

> HE PULLED OFF A HEIST.
I NEED BACK UP HERE IMMEDIATELY.

> WHAT DID I DO?

> YOU HAD AN ICE CREAM
CONE YOU
TRIED TO KILL ME WITH--

> Black Male: WOW.

> --THAT WILL STAND UP
IN A COURT OF LAW.

> WHAT?

> THERE'S NOT A COURT IN THE LAND--

> Black Male: OK.

> --THAT WILL CONVICT ME FROM
BLOWING YOUR HEAD OFF.

> EVERY COURT WOULD.

> HEY, I WILL KILL YOU.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?
PUT YOUR HANDS
IN THE AIR.

> A GILLY SUIT, REALLY?
WHAT IS THIS, CALL OF DUTY?

> I SAID, PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR.
PUT BOTH HANDS IN THE AIR.

> MY LEFT ARM IS PARALYZED.

> SUSPECT HAS LEFT ARM
PARALYZED DUE TO GANG ACTIVITY.

> I PARALYZED MY LEFT ARM IN IRAQ.

> SUSPECT IS PARALYZED
DUE TO POSSIBLE
TERRORIST ACTIVITY.

> DUDE, I LOVE ICE CREAM.
(gun shot is heard)

> WHY ARE YOU
DOING THIS?
(soft piano music is played)

> Officer: SHIT.
I NEED TO CALM
THE FUCK DOWN.
A MESSAGE FROM THE UNARMED
BLACK MEN OF AMERICA.

Up Next:

Good Cop, Baby Cop

AUTOPLAY
Up Next In: 10
Advertisement
Advertisement

From Around the Web