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Published March 27, 2012 4.6k views More Info ยป
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Starring White On Rice (Norah Jones, Maria Falgione, Sarah Oda)
Written by Sarah Oda
Directed by Rand Courtney (http://www.randcourtney.com)
Music Produced by Sam Barsh (http://www.palterego.com) and Matt Marinelli
Hair and Makeup by Nikki Pittam (http://www.nikkipittam.com)
Assistant Camera - Derek Means
Gaffer - Adam Chinoy
Assistant Graphical Editor - Mansour Bethoney
Thanks a million to all of the bachelors! Better luck next time.
Bachelors: Dan Kipler, Chris Barber, Joshua Cruz, Joel Dovev, Jeremy Sarver, Chris Parker, Will Forte, Pete Remm, Matt Marinelli, Jake Boyd, Michael Brodlieb, Robert Di Pietro
Special thanks to Dressler Restaurant in Brooklyn and Estancia in Manhattan!
LYRICS:
Now, bachelor # 1, is a gentleman
He holds the door, hails the cab, his shirt is tucked in.
I finally found a man with a job, he got his shit together
Someone pinch me please
Girl you must be dreamin
Its time to get it on
Let's see some fire works
He got her screamin so you'd think that she's
Enjoying the perks
Ha! But it's the nasty breath that makes me have to diss
Because nobody likes mr halitosis
Dealbreaker youre just wastin' my time
Up til now everything was going just fine
I thought i had found a perfect man, Til you released the dragon
Lady boner's saggin
Why'd ya have to go and break a deal like that
Bachelor # 2 is looking fine, oh my
He treats me really nice, he likes to wine and dine
He takes her to the met and symphony and buys her jimmy choos i think she found a pot of gold
Her perfect valentine.
The night was crazy hazy so i'm sleeping in
He curls up right behind me and he's whispering.
"uh oh! Is somebody a wittle bit cowd? "
This fool is baby talkin me like i am 4 years old.
Dealbreaker youre just wastin' my time
Up til now everything was going just fine
I don't want to rub your ba-by fat
You gotcha diaper poopy, cryin for the booby, Why'd ya have to go and break a deal like that?
It didn't take long to see what is wrong with bachelor 3
Youd hope to only see this on reality tv.
Because when it's time to hit it
He forgets to use his arms
He's a cadaver he just lays all of his weight on me
Now his pelvis might be pumpin like a trophy buck
But he's crushing this flower like a monster truck
He might have a nice body with rock hard pecs
Girl you know i didnt sign up for dead corpse sex.
Hell no! To the bolo tie
Hell no! To the bicurious guy
Hell no! To hair like donny trump
Hell no! He was a two pump chump
Hell no! He smells like grey poupon
Hell no! He's got patchouli on
Hell no! He's white but thinks he's black
Hell no! He's into nickelback
There's a happy ending to this tale so don't you fret
Cut to me with james (franco) heading to his private jet
Yeah i'll have another mimosa with a manicure
On our way to paris just to get away, "bonjour"
So ladies you just have to play your cards right
And you can be like me with franco every sin-gle night
Hes pulling down his pants and unbuttoning my blouse
He's packin more bush than the white house!
Dealbreaker youre just wastin' my tme
Up til now everything was going just fine
I thought i had found the man of my dreams, Somebody help me please
His penis smells like pee, Now i'ma have to pay for this broken deal.
Ewww... And his pants had an elastic waistband.
Gross.
179 Funny Votes
70 Die Votes
4,574 Views
Published March 27, 2012
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