Starring White On Rice (Norah Jones, Maria Falgione, Sarah Oda) Written by Sarah Oda Directed by Rand Courtney (http://www.randcourtney.com) Music Produced by Sam Barsh (http://www.palterego.com) and Matt Marinelli Hair and Makeup by Nikki Pittam (http://www.nikkipittam.com) Assistant Camera - Derek Means Gaffer - Adam Chinoy Assistant Graphical Editor - Mansour Bethoney Thanks a million to all of the bachelors! Better luck next time. Bachelors: Dan Kipler, Chris Barber, Joshua Cruz, Joel Dovev, Jeremy Sarver, Chris Parker, Will Forte, Pete Remm, Matt Marinelli, Jake Boyd, Michael Brodlieb, Robert Di Pietro Special thanks to Dressler Restaurant in Brooklyn and Estancia in Manhattan! LYRICS: Now, bachelor # 1, is a gentleman He holds the door, hails the cab, his shirt is tucked in. I finally found a man with a job, he got his shit together Someone pinch me please Girl you must be dreamin Its time to get it on Let's see some fire works He got her screamin so you'd think that she's Enjoying the perks Ha! But it's the nasty breath that makes me have to diss Because nobody likes mr halitosis Dealbreaker youre just wastin' my time Up til now everything was going just fine I thought i had found a perfect man, Til you released the dragon Lady boner's saggin Why'd ya have to go and break a deal like that Bachelor # 2 is looking fine, oh my He treats me really nice, he likes to wine and dine He takes her to the met and symphony and buys her jimmy choos i think she found a pot of gold Her perfect valentine. The night was crazy hazy so i'm sleeping in He curls up right behind me and he's whispering. "uh oh! Is somebody a wittle bit cowd? " This fool is baby talkin me like i am 4 years old. Dealbreaker youre just wastin' my time Up til now everything was going just fine I don't want to rub your ba-by fat You gotcha diaper poopy, cryin for the booby, Why'd ya have to go and break a deal like that? It didn't take long to see what is wrong with bachelor 3 Youd hope to only see this on reality tv. Because when it's time to hit it He forgets to use his arms He's a cadaver he just lays all of his weight on me Now his pelvis might be pumpin like a trophy buck But he's crushing this flower like a monster truck He might have a nice body with rock hard pecs Girl you know i didnt sign up for dead corpse sex. Hell no! To the bolo tie Hell no! To the bicurious guy Hell no! To hair like donny trump Hell no! He was a two pump chump Hell no! He smells like grey poupon Hell no! He's got patchouli on Hell no! He's white but thinks he's black Hell no! He's into nickelback There's a happy ending to this tale so don't you fret Cut to me with james (franco) heading to his private jet Yeah i'll have another mimosa with a manicure On our way to paris just to get away, "bonjour" So ladies you just have to play your cards right And you can be like me with franco every sin-gle night Hes pulling down his pants and unbuttoning my blouse He's packin more bush than the white house! Dealbreaker youre just wastin' my tme Up til now everything was going just fine I thought i had found the man of my dreams, Somebody help me please His penis smells like pee, Now i'ma have to pay for this broken deal. Ewww... And his pants had an elastic waistband. Gross.