Lashisse

Uploader

Funny Or Die

Actor

Molly Sims

Actor

Andrea Savage

Actor

Rachael Harris

Actor

Allison Janney

Director

Jake Szymanski

Writer

lauren

Cinematographer

Antonio Scarlata

Make Up Artist

Kat Bardot

Additional Credits >

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The video opens with commercial style music. The text – GROW LASHES – appears.

Allison Janney (voiceover): Grow lashes.

The shot cuts to a pair of eyes. The shot cuts to the text – Grow Fuller. 

Allison Janney (voiceover): Grow Fuller

The shot cuts to a woman with ridiculously thick eyelashes. The shot cuts to the text – Grow Longer.

Allison Janney (voiceover): Grow Longer.

The shot cuts to Molly Sims sporting eyelashes that are so long they flop back around her head. The shot then cuts to Andrea Savage sporting very thick and long lashes.

Andrea Savage: Grow longer lashes. I didn't think it possible. Wrong. It is possible. I use Lashisse. 

The shot cuts to the following text: 

Lashisse 

Lashisse is an unnecessary prescription used to grow lashes, for women concerned with a part of their appearance no else notices. 

Allison Janney (voiceover): Lashisse is the only prescription treatment for inadequate lashes.

The shot cuts back to Molly Sims.

Molly Sims: I used it for the full 16 weeks. Week 14, they started to get a little long. But I kept applying. 

The shot cuts to Rachel Harris.

Rachel Harris: I think fuller, darker lashes will add a dimension to my face. Wait, oh, ow...

Rachel Harris leans forward and reaches toward her face. When she come back up, one of her eyes has popped out of its socket. 

Rachel Harris: Is it bad? 

The shot cuts a still image of a woman with her eyes closed. Her eyelashes glow and black lines begin to sprout from her eyelashes uncontrollable, filling most of the screen. Text denoting the passing of weeks counts from Week 1 to Week 8 as this happens.

Allison Janney: Applied nightly, lashes begin to grow in only eight weeks. 

The shot cuts to Andrea Savage.

Andrea Savage: Women want their lashes long and full. Just like men want their penises long and fat. This is our penis pump, except, for eyelashes. 

The shot cuts to Molly Sims. Her eyelashes are being blown everywhere by wind.

Molly Sims: I probably could have stopped at eight weeks. 

A montage of short clips of Andrea Savage, Rachel Harris and Molly Sims is played.

Allison Janney (voiceover): If you want to be able to use your eyes for seeing, looking, or registering objects in front of you, Lashisse may not be for you. 

The shot cuts to Rachel Harris with her eye still hanging out of its socket.

Rachel Harris: There are some minor side effects. My eyes used to be blue and I had two of them. 

The shot cuts to Rachel Harris, Molly Sims and Andrea Savage dancing.

Allison Janney (voiceover): Only use Lashisse under strict doctor care. 

The shot cuts to Andrea Savage. There is a sound like small animal and Andrea Harris pulls something away from her face and drops it. The shot cuts to a piece of eyelash that begins to crawl away on its own. 

Andrea Savage: OK, that came off of my eye. 

The shot cuts to Molly Sims, blinking rapidly. Another montage of Andrea Savage, Molly Sims, and Rachel Harris is played.

Allison Janney (voiceover): May cause permanent pigmentation in the iris, itchy eyes, body odor, night terrors, release of dog pheromones, cyclops laser vision, ability to see the infrared light spectrum.

Rachel Harris clutches at her face.

Rachel Harris: Wait.

Andrea Savage: What?

Rachel Harris remove her hand from face to reveal that her remaining good eye has popped out of her head completely. Rachel Harris, Andrea Savage and Molly Sims all begin screaming hysterically. Andrea Savage crawls around on the floor looking for the eye. The eye is shown staring at the camera, several feet away from where they are all standing and looking. 

Allison Janney (voiceover): Lashisse may also cause loss of eyesight, loss of eyelid density or loss of eyes. 

Rachel Harris starts to fall over and is caught by Andrea Savage and Molly Sims.

Andrea Savage: Alright. 

The shot cuts to the following text:

Lashisse

If You Don't Mind Going Blind, Use Lashisse For Longer Lashes

Allison Janney (voiceover): Ask yourself, is Lashisse worth it to you?

An out of control eyelash line beings growing out of the end of the word Lashisse. 

Allison Janney (voiceover): For more information on our product, go to why are my eyes bleeding dot com. 

The website address www.whyaremyeyesbleeding.com appears at the bottom of the screen. The shot cuts to Andrea Savage, Rachel Harris and Molly Sims standing together. The shot then cuts to the living eyelash crawling away away on the floor and the animal noise is heard again.