Award season is here! Watch these Hollywood executives explain how they turn real human suffering into Oscar gold & big-boy business bucks!
- January 29, 2017
- 140k Views
Lucien Flores: Director/Writer/Producer
Michela Smith: Director/Writer/Producer
Loose Seal Productions: Producer
Darren Miller: Executive Producer
Conrad Golovac: Director of Photography
Charlie Muentes: Gaffer/Camera Op
Cheryn Park: Gaffer/Camera Op
Danny LaPlaza: Production Assistant
Peter Getz: Sound Recordist
Becky Rothmaler: Hair & Make-Up
Editor: Jake Rasmussen
Angela Palladino: Producer
Casey Jost: Chad
Rob Cuthill: Abe
James Coker: Reggie
Frank Garcia-Hejl: Bill
Erin Maloney: Izzie
Arti Gollapudi: Earthquake Victim
January 29, 2017
Frank Garcia-Hejl: Hi, I'm Bill Jackson from
Generic Hollywood Magazine.
Frank Garcia-Hejl: Welcome to our studio
Frank Garcia-Hejl: We'll be talking to these Hollywood bigwigs
and this token female exec about
Frank Garcia-Hejl: what makes an award-winning film.
- Pieces of [bleep].
James Coker: We look for the worst
pieces of [bleep] people,
James Coker: and the most horrible
atrocities ever committed,
- and then we make movies about them.
- Audiences eat that [bleep] up.
James Coker: The press too.
I mean, they call them press-tige dramas.
Casey Jost: It's like the more depressing the story,
the more dinero en el banco.
Frank Garcia-Hejl: [stammering]
Oh, where do you find inspiration?
War. We love war.
James Coker: World War Three is going
to be a goddamn goldmine.
Casey Jost: War has the best stories.
Casey Jost: We've got lovers on two different sides.
Casey Jost: Blurred lines.
What's right? What's wrong?
Casey Jost: Newly bereaved wives
all alone at home.
Casey Jost: PTSD soldiers are
coming home for like a bang.
Casey Jost: The list goes on. All good stuff.
James Coker: I mean there's something for everyone.
Schindler's List, Saving Private Ryan,
Apocalypse Now, Zero Dark Thirty.
James Coker: I mean, whenever you want a
far out or critical or financial success,
James Coker: you just make a movie about war.
Casey Jost: I have a boner... just thinking
Casey Jost: about how much money we're
going make off an Aleppo movie.
Thank God for Aleppo and
thank God for the Catholic Church.
Frank Garcia-Hejl: [Bill] Okay, so does religion lead
you to worthwhile projects?
- [giggling] What? No.
The kid fiddling stuff
paid for my beach house.
Casey Jost: Ah-ho-ho, he's talking about
that Spotlight money.
♪ That Spotlight money ♪
James Coker: Well, 12 Years a Slave is paying for
James Coker: 12 years of my son's
private school education, so...
- Excuse me?
Casey Jost: Uh... I was just saying
how there are people who
Casey Jost: think that we're just making
money off of people's struggles,
Casey Jost: but we struggle too.
Okay, look at me
Casey Jost: I'm a Hollywood executive
and a raging misogynist.
Casey Jost: Think about how hard my life is.
James Coker: One time I hired a
- I was literally terrified.
- It's a rookie mistake.
Frank Garcia-Hejl: [Bill] Okay, so what are you doing next?
I just bought the rights
of some chick story.
It's like Malala times a thousand.
James Coker: I got a true story,
Civil War, conjoined twins,
- but they're fighting for different sides.
Casey Jost: I got this movie. It's sad as [bleep].
Casey Jost: It's these children that have
to eat their parents to stay alive.
Casey Jost: Cannibal baby? Sexy.
How does that taste?
Casey Jost: Like $86 million dollars
opening weekend. [giggles]
Erin Patrice Maloney: You're doing it all wrong!
Erin Patrice Maloney: As an animation executive,
I craft films with cute animals.
Erin Patrice Maloney: It's not about profiting off
of the hardships of others.
Erin Patrice Maloney: It's about emotionally
manipulating children into
Erin Patrice Maloney: falling in love with your
Erin Patrice Maloney: I'm talking toys, theme parks,
Erin Patrice Maloney: We're a money-making
steam engine baby.
Erin Patrice Maloney: Choo-choo! Ka-ching!
Casey Jost: Well... I'm sick and tired
of your [bleep, bleep]...
Casey Jost: Can I get a new [bleep] latte?
I'll drag race you with my Prius!
- Keep your [bleep, bleep] out!
- Do not take your [bleep] out.
[rumbling, crashing, gasping]
- Is everybody okay?
- I think so.
[choking, car alarm]
Arti G.: [female survivor]
There's been an earthquake.
Arti G.: I tried to save as many as I could.
- I'll give you 20K for your life story.
- Uh, I'll give you a 100K. 100K!
- Do you want to meet Chris Pratt?
Or [bleep] Brad Lightyear.
- Drive my Lambo home.
- I'll give you 8 Lambos!
- I'll let you stay at my house for a week!
Frank Garcia-Hejl: Get the popcorn poppin'.
Frank Garcia-Hejl: Looks like we have a great earthquake
movie to look forward to next summer.
Frank Garcia-Hejl: Goodnight.
[rumbling, gasping, yelling]
It's a sequel!
James Coker: [shouting] I am about to go full rage
- on this [bleep] table!
- Please don't.