Starring - Hillary Clinton and Zach Galifianakis Executive Producers - Zach Galifianakis, Scott Aukerman, BJ Porter, Mike Farah Director - Scott Aukerman Producers - Sean Boyle, Rob Hatch-Miller Cinematographer - Paul Rondeau Camera Operators - Donavon de Cesare, Brian Wengrofsky, Will Castellucci Gaffer - Glenn Porter Production Designer - Simone Duff Costumer - Sarah Maiorino Sound Mixer - Kevin Kniowski Production Coordinator - Emma Steele Production Assistant - James Kenney Casting - Allison Cohn Stunt Coordinator - Decater James Secret Service Agents - Decater James, Jeb Kreager Editor - Brian Lane Assistant to Scott Aukerman - Corinne Eckart Special Thanks - Neil Campbell, David Caspe, Lang Fisher, Dave Ferguson, Mike Gibbons, Fran Gillespie, Tim Kalpakis, Jon Lovett, Pat O’Brien, Jeff Ross, Sarah Silverman, Kulap Vilaysack, Alan Yang Funny Or Die would like to thank Teddy Goff, Jennifer Palmieri, and Melinda Arons.
[ theme music ]
Hillary Clinton: Where is he?
Zach Galifianakis: [ZACH] I was just
trying to scare her.
Zach Galifianakis: I was just--
Zach Galifianakis: Like in the...
Halloween spirit of it all.
Hillary Clinton: Not a good idea around
the Secret Service.
- Are you okay?
- I'm fine. I'm fine.
Zach Galifianakis: Hi, welcome to another
edition of Between Two Ferns.
Zach Galifianakis: I'm your-- your host Zach Galifianakis,
and my guest today is Hillary...
Zach Galifianakis: Clinton.
Zach Galifianakis: Thank you very much
Mrs. Clinton for being here.
Zach Galifianakis: Critics have questioned
some of your decision making recently,
Zach Galifianakis: and by you doing this show
I hope it finally lays that to rest.
Hillary Clinton: Oh, I think it--
it absolutely proves their case.
Zach Galifianakis: Are you excited to be
the first girl President?
Hillary Clinton: Well, I mean being President
would be such an extraordinary honor,
Hillary Clinton: and responsibility,
but being the first women elected
Hillary Clinton: President and what that
would mean for our country,
Hillary Clinton: and particularly what
that would mean for,
Hillary Clinton: you know, not just little girls,
little boys too.
- That's pretty special.
Zach Galifianakis: Not to take away from the historic
significance of you perhaps becoming
Zach Galifianakis: the first female President,
but for a younger, younger generation,
Zach Galifianakis: you will also become their
first white President,
Zach Galifianakis: and that's pretty neat too.
Zach Galifianakis: As Secretary, how many words
per minute could you type?
Zach Galifianakis: And how does
President Obama like his coffee?
Zach Galifianakis: Like himself?
Zach Galifianakis: Weak?
Hillary Clinton: You know Zach, those are
really out of date questions.
Hillary Clinton: I... You need to
get out more.
Zach Galifianakis: What happens if you
Zach Galifianakis: Are we going to be stuck
with Tim Kaine for 9 months?
Zach Galifianakis: How does this work?
Hillary Clinton: I could send you some pamphlets
that might help you understand--
Zach Galifianakis: First you supported Obama's
Trans Pacific Partnership deal,
and then you were against it.
Zach Galifianakis: I think that people deserve to know,
are you down with TPP?
Hillary Clinton: Uh... I'm not
down with TPP.
Zach Galifianakis: No, you're supposed to say,
"Yeah, you know me."
- Like the hip-hop group--
- Don't tell me what to say.
Zach Galifianakis: Fine, lose.
[softly] The country goes to shit.
- Let's talk about Trump, um--
- Oh, let's.
Zach Galifianakis: When you see how well it works for
Donald Trump, do you ever think to yourself,
Zach Galifianakis: "Oh, maybe I should
be more racist?"
Zach Galifianakis: When he's elected President,
and Kid Rock becomes
Secretary of State,
Zach Galifianakis: are you going to move to
Canada or one of the Arctics?
Hillary Clinton: I would stay in
the United States.
- And what would you try to--
- I would try to prevent him
Hillary Clinton: destroying the
Zach Galifianakis: So you're going to
lead the Civil War?
Hillary Clinton: No. I wouldn't--
I wouldn't take up arms.
Hillary Clinton: I-I think that might
be a little extreme.
Zach Galifianakis: Oh right, because you were saying
before we were rolling that you wanted
Zach Galifianakis: to take away
Zach Galifianakis: Very cool.
Cool, cool, cool.
Hillary Clinton: I really regret
Zach Galifianakis: Any regrets over losing
the Scott Baio vote?
Hillary Clinton: Not a one.
- So it wasn't heartbreaking that--
Zach Galifianakis: Yeah, but Chachi.
I mean who's going to be next?
Zach Galifianakis: Max Headroom?
Zach Galifianakis: I'd love to meet the person
who makes your pants suits.
Hillary Clinton: Oh really.
Zach Galifianakis: Yeah, because for Halloween,
I wanted to go as a librarian
from outer space.
Hillary Clinton: I think that would be
a good look on you.
Zach Galifianakis: Have you thought about what you're
going to be wearing at the debates?
Hillary Clinton: You know, there's this thing called
the double standard, and so,
Hillary Clinton: I think about, well,
Hillary Clinton: what should the first woman nominee
of one of our two major parties wear
Hillary Clinton: to the debate,
and I have no idea,
Hillary Clinton: so if you've got suggestions
I'm open to them.
Zach Galifianakis: Do you wonder what your
opponent might be wearing?
Hillary Clinton: I-I assume he'll wear, you know,
that red power tie.
Zach Galifianakis: Or maybe like a
white power tie.
Hillary Clinton: That's even more
Zach Galifianakis: When you went to Donald Trump's wedding,
did he write his own vows?
Zach Galifianakis: And did Michelle Obama
Hillary Clinton: Um, I...
Hillary Clinton: really couldn't see or hear very well.
So I'm not quite sure what his vows were,
Hillary Clinton: but I'm sure they were great
and huge and wonderful.
Zach Galifianakis: Like his bowels.
[ she chuckles ]
Zach Galifianakis: Chelsea, your daughter, and Ivanka Trump,
Trump's daughter, are friends--
Zach Galifianakis: does Ivanka ever call Chelsea,
you know, to talk about boys that
might have crushers on her,
Zach Galifianakis: like her dad?
Hillary Clinton: I don't think so.
Zach Galifianakis: What's going to be the number
one focus of your Presidency?
Hillary Clinton: Oh Zach, it has to be the economy.
We need more good jobs
with rising incomes.
Hillary Clinton: We gotta make the economy
work for everybody,
- not just those at the top--
- We need to take a...
Zach Galifianakis: We need to take a break.
Zach Galifianakis: We just need to have a
word from our sponsor. Okay.
Donald Trump: Washington is broken.
Donald Trump: The truth is too many politicians
are totally controlled by special
interests and lobbyist.
Donald Trump: We're going to make
America great again.
Donald Trump: [DONALD in voiceover]
I'm Donald Trump,
and I approve this message.
He approves the message.
Hillary Clinton: Wh-Why would you
play a commercial
Hillary Clinton: from my opponent in the
middle of our interview?
Zach Galifianakis: He paid me in steaks.
Hillary Clinton: I would be afraid to
eat them if I were you.
Zach Galifianakis: It's a good cut of meat.
I think it's part of the [bleep] hole.
Zach Galifianakis: Well, this has been a lot
of fun Mrs. Clinton.
Zach Galifianakis: We should stay in touch.
What's the best way to reach you?
Zach Galifianakis: Email?
[voice from device]
You got mail!
[ theme music ]