Spring brings with it the promise of new, blossoming life, and to celebrate this... more »

Transcript

[thundering is heard]
Ben Wietmarschen: Spring is finally here, and
with it comes all sorts of
Ben Wietmarschen: hope for the future.
Ben Wietmarschen: I'm out on the streets of
New York City asking people,
Ben Wietmarschen: How Do You
Think You'll Die.
Can you die
from scurvy?
Well, I don't know.
That's for Satan to decide,
but I hope I get crushed
by a smart vending
machine.
I guess heart
disease, but
that'll be the future, so
maybe the robot uprising.
My heart says zombie
apocalypse, but
my mind says
robot uprising.
Taking a bath
with my robot?
I bet that robot that
I grew up teasing is
going to bring a gun to the
high school reunion.
Getting hit by a
car, and then
bouncing into the path of
an unsuspecting Google car?
Probably crushed under
the weight of my robot lover.
Choking on a slice of
robot pepperoni pizza.
I love pizza.
Going down on my sex
robot, because I felt bad
that it was always
going down on me.
You know, peacefully.
Hopefully surrounded by
my robots and my family.
Jumping out of a building
during robot 9-11?
In a plane crash,
on my way to Canada, because
Americans have elected
the first robot President.
Male Voice: Suicide.
I'm a robot.
Ben Wietmarschen: There you have it.
Ben Wietmarschen: I'm Ben Wietmarschen, and
I for one will be dying
Ben Wietmarschen: in a cage, under the
surface of the earth
Ben Wietmarschen: after refusing to recite the
robot pledge of allegiance.
[Funny or Die News' theme music]

Advertisement
Advertisement