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Nuthin guess me more rile up than sumwun tryna tell me how ta talk an behayve an live... more »
Published May 11, 2011 92 views More Info »
Hey!
Thank you for tunin' in to anothe
How I Seize It.
I'm Loretta Jenkins
and I usually gets fan letters,
but this one I'm gonna address today
it ain't showin' your girl lo no love whatsonever.
This one here is my first ever hates mails.
(burps)
Yeah, I reckon you thought you better write a lette
cause you know for a fact you come up
in my face spittin' fire,
I'm gonna take this bottle here,
slap it on the curb-
-after I finish drinkin' it-
-and jeck you in the neck!
So come on!
Come On!
You know you can't take this!
Caw! I-
Sumbitch, made me break my cigarette.
I oughta kill you!
Do you know how much cigarettes cost?
Y'all, I ain't in the best mood today anyways.
Lemme just read it to you,
cause I really wasn't all that sobe
when I read it the first time before
and I think I only read the first sentence anyway.
Hold up.
Lemme recreate the scene for you.

(burps)
Yeah, that's more like it.
Alright, here we go.
Now, this little idgit says,
"Dear Mrs.-"
Well, first off I ain't no Mrs.
"...Loretta. I am ten and I clicked DISLIKE
in your video about Twilight
cause you use a bad word.
It's a good movie.
You just got bad tastes
with your foul mouth."
Well who the hell are you,
you little re-turd?
"I am a Make-A-Wish kid,
and my wish is for you to do
one of your HISI shows without cussin'
just one time before the Lord take me home.
Sensitively..."
I don't care.

Well, shi...
...geez.
Alright, lemme talk atcha this...
How much time you got left?
Have you got time to listen?
Just in case you don't make it
to that grade where they teach
you on Social Studies,
we has got this thing called 'free speech,'
and I can say any God-
(HONK)
-mother-
(HONK)
-thing I want to.
What the-
(HONK)
-is that?
Y'all hear that-
(HONK)?
Sum-
(HONK)!
I think somebody hackin' into me.
Might be that Flipper Gore...
(dog whining)
I think she waterboardin' my dog.
(music)
This is just how normal people talks youngin'.
You know, some of us has just had bad childhoods.
I mean, I don't mean as bad as yours,
being all sickly and-
(HONK)!
Who the-
(HONK)
-is doing that?
(Prudence giggles.)
You-
(HONK)
-heifer!
You come back here!
(Prudence laughs.)
Hey!
(Prudence screams.)
(music)
LORETTA: Do it. You tell them!
PRUDENCE: No. I will not!
LORETTA: You tell them. Loretta is the queen!
PRUDENCE: I will not! Go away.
LORETTA: DO IT!
PRUDENCE: Loretta is the Queen...
...of Bitchville.
And that's How I Seize It.
LORETTA: Hey, that's my goddurn line!
(Prudence screams.)
LORETTA: Yeah! How you like that, Delilah?
And that's How I-
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