Leaked video of 18-year-old Ted Cruz reveals the future presidential candidate’s... more »
Published January 26, 2016 46k views The Crypt More Info »
Full Credits
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Actor, Writer, Director - Jon Millstein
Producer, Camera, Director - Sean Dacanay
Editor - Adriana Robles
Stats & Data
548 Funny Votes
686 Die Votes
Published: January 26, 2016

Ted Cruz: Aspirations.
Ted Cruz: Is that like sweat
on my butt?
Ted Cruz: N-No, I see. What
I want to do in life.
Ted Cruz: Well, my aspiration
is to uh,
Ted Cruz: oh I don't know,
be in a [inaudible]
Ted Cruz: film like that guy
who played Horatio.
Ted Cruz: Well, other
than that,
Ted Cruz: take over the world.
Ted Cruz: World domination.
Yeah, rule everything.
Jon Millstein: Other aspirations?
You still talking about the
Jon Millstein: sweat that comes out
of my stinky little butt?
Jon Millstein: I'd like to defund
Planned Parenthood,
Jon Millstein: stop the gays from
getting married,
Jon Millstein: that kind of stuff.
Jon Millstein: One aspiration of mine
is to steal thin mints
Jon Millstein: from a Girl Scout, and
stick them up my butt.
Jon Millstein: You know, I'd really
like to push a blind
Jon Millstein: kid down the stairs
with my butt.
Jon Millstein: Well, I'd like to fart in
my dogs mouth, I guess,
Jon Millstein: using my butt.
Jon Millstein: Carpet bomb some
brown people.
Jon Millstein: Oh wow, lookee here.
Jon Millstein: Yeah, it tastes just
like my aspiration.
Jon Millstein: Pee on my own butt.
Jon Millstein: Deport the immigrants, and
build a wall around Mexico.
Jon Millstein: More aspirations.
Jon Millstein: I sure do love to drink the
sweat that comes out
Jon Millstein: of my butt.
Jon Millstein: I'm Ted Cruz, and I want
to run for President.
[water rustling]
Jon Millstein: What a day.
Jon Millstein: What a day to
be Ted Cruz.
Jon Millstein: Mmm.
Jon Millstein: Tastes like my
dad's butt.