If you’re worried the Common Core “pod people” are conspiring to make your children dumber, maybe you should watch this.

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Are you excited about your
first day in kindergarten honey?
Yeah!
Yeah. Well, since you're
starting school,
you are starting a new
program called Common Core.
Which means you won't
be needing these anymore.
And, you won't be needing this.
Toy Device: Math is fun.
Because with Common Core,
reading is not important.
And the good news about
Common Core is that
you're going to be spending
the day filling out
standardize tests.
We're going to need you
to go undercover.
Now your name is
The Wolf.
And this hat is to prevent
the Common Core Pod People
from reading your mind.
Keep it on at all times.
You'll need to wear these
goggles in case they try to
put a microchip in your eye.
You don't want that.
And if they ask you to join
a mutant army, say yes,
but signal us with this.
And if you get into real trouble, you may need
to blast your
way out.
So use your
disintegrator.
Got it?
If you have any questions,
you can ask your sister.
She went through
Common Core years ago.
You off to fight in the
mutant army hon?
What?
No. I'm starting my
first day of college.
What are the books for?
Um...Comparative Literature,
Calculus, and Art History.
We thought Common Core
got rid of those things.
What?
Guys, no.
No.
Common Core is just some
standards my teachers use.
So, you know, we can get
into college, and get a job,
and hopefully move out of
our crazy parent's house.
But they did put a microchip
in your eyeball right?
I gotta go.
Wait, what's 2 + 2?
Is it a 100?!
Honey calm down.
Is it a 100?!
[music playing]

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