Vote for Lando Calrissian! w/ BILLY DEE WILLIAMS

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Funny Or Die

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The video opens with the opening text from the Star Wars films.

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far way ….

The shot cuts to artists rendering of a galaxy at a distance.

Announcer (voiceover): This week brings the most important election in our history. You will choose between Lando Calrissian and Emperor Palpatine for leader of the galaxy.

Still images of Emperor Palpatine and Lando Calrissian (Billy Dee Williams) slide onto the screen overtop the galaxy image. The shot cuts to a short montage of scenes from Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back at the Cloud City facility that Lando Calrissian (Billy Dee Williams) ran in the film.

Announcer: Lando Calrissian’s only leadership experience has been as a community organizer in a city that’s not even connected to the ground.

The shot cuts to an artist rendering of Cloud City with text overlaid to identify it as Cloud City. The shot then cuts to a still image of Lando Calrissian (Billy Dee Williams) and white text slides onto the screen that reads – LANDO CALRISSIAN NOT READY TO LEAD.

Announcer: Lando Calrissian. Not ready to lead.

The shot cuts to a still image of Emperor Palpatine with text at the bottom of the screen that reads – Paid for Palpatine-Vader. Approved by Emperor Palpatine.

Emperor Palpatine (voiceover): I’m Emperor Palpatine and I approve this message.

The shot cuts to a still image of Lando Calrissian (Billy Dee Williams). The shot then cuts to Billy Dee Williams dressed in Lando Calrissian style garb. There is an image of Cloud City behind him.

Billy Dee Williams: Hello. I’m Lando Calrissian. While Administrator of Cloud City I studied those clouds and I understand how we can stop global warming on the ice planet Hoth and save the diminishing Tauntaun population. Vote for me. I’m Lando Calrissian and I approve this message.

Text appears on the screen that reads – Paid for by Calrissian-Chewbacca. Approved by Lando Calrissian.

The shot cuts to a black and white shot of Billy Dee Williams speaking.

Announcer (voiceover): Lando Calrissian doesn’t want you to know that he pals around with rogue smugglers and bounty hunters.

The shot cuts to a clip of Lando Calrissian (Billy Dee Williams) hugging Han Solo (Harrison Ford).

Announcer: In fact, he launched his political career on the deck of the Millennium Falcon in the Kessel Run.

Shot cuts to a still image of Lando Calrissian (Billy Dee Williams). The text Lando Calrissian No Match appear on the screen.

Announcer: Lando Calrissian. His skills are no match for the powers of the dark side.

The shot cuts to a still image of Emperor Palpatine with text at the bottom of the screen that reads – Paid for Palpatine-Vader. Approved by Emperor Palpatine.

Emperor Palpatine (voiceover): You will pay the price for your lack of vision.

The shot cuts to Billy Dee Williams speaking. What appears to be an underground rail station or subway appears in the background.

Billy Dee Williams: Emperor Palpatine wants to focus on my past, but we need to look toward the future. We are currently spending ten billion credits a month on a Clone War that Senator Palpatine initiated.

In inset image of the clone army from Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones appears in the upper right hand corner.

Billy Dee Williams: I’ve opposed the Clone War from the beginning and became a commander in the rebel forces. I’m Lando Calrissian and I approve this message.

Text appears on the screen that reads – Paid for by Calrissian-Chewbacca. Approved by Lando Calrissian.

The shot cuts to a mirrored black and white image of two Billy Dee Williams speaking.

Announcer (voiceover): Is Lando Calrissian really a hero? What does his former military commander have to say about voting for Lando?

The shot cuts to a clip of Admiral Ackbar from Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi.

Admiral Ackbar: It’s a trap!

The shot freeze frames and the text “IT’S A TRAP” appear.

Announcer (Voiceover): Admiral Ackbar is right.

The shot cuts to a still image of Lando Calrissian (Billy Dee Williams).

Announcer (voiceover): Lando Calrissian. What’s he smuggling this time?

The shot cuts to a still image of the Rebel Pilots receiving instructions before their attack run on the original Death Star. Text at the bottom of the image reads – Paid for by A-Wing Fighters For Truth. Not Endorsed by Emperor Palpatine.

Announcer (voiceover): A-Wing Fighters For Truth are responsible for the content of this ad.

The shot cuts to Billy Dee Williams speaking. A still shot that appears to be from the Planet Naboo in Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace is shown behind him.

Billy Dee Williams: I don’t see how you guys aren’t getting this. Emperor Palpatine built a Death Star that destroyed Alderaan. He’s out of touch with regular folks who are struggling to get by. I’m talking about folks like Greedo the Ruthian, Jar Jar the Gungan, even Jabba the Hut. I want to unite Jawas and Sand People.

Brief clips of Jawas and Sand people are displayed in an inset in the upper right hand corner.

Billy Dee Williams: I want to make sure that Sarlacc can continue to be fed.

A clip of Lando Calrissian (Billy Dee Williams) being attacked by the Sarlacc is shown in the inset.

Billy Dee Williams: So come on and elect me. Lando Calrissian.

Text appears on the screen that reads – Paid for by Calrissian-Chewbacca. Approved by Lando Calrissian.