How I Seize It #39: "National Organization for Marriage"

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Hey!
Welcome to your weekly thought-pokin'
How I Seize It
and I am Loretta Jenkins,
your gay icon-
self-proclaimed icon-
gay icon-
uh fuck...
Uhh...Loretta Jenkins.
Okay.
Today, let's give a big old "Raisin' Roof,"
cause New York has done been the latest
of the gay marriage friendly states.
Yeah...
And let's give it up to that handful of Republicans
voted to be a goddamn decent human being
for once in they grey-headed prejudice life!
Thanky!
Thank you kindly.
But the fight for equality don't end there,
my precious Nelly-Marys.
My beef today is with this National Organization of Marriage
a.k.a...'NOM.'
It is my duty as the next Judy Garlum
to expose this hate group
for they lies and they money-schemin'.
They the ones behind Prop 8,
so they's already Nazi-sympathizin' with the Mormons.
Nazis...Mormons...
Same thing.
But in all fairy tales-
(laughs)
Get it?
Cause queers gets called fairies...
(laughs)
No...
Wait, I don't think that's supposed to be funny nomores.
Anyways, in fairy tales
there's always a wicker witch,
but in NOM...
They got two.
They fearless leaders is what's this
fag and dyke duo
what's tell lies
and make mean shit up
just because they wants to get votes and monies.
Just-
Well, just like a major political party
which will remain nameless...
(burp)
Well it's time for they payback medicine.
Alright, so their president, his name is Bryan Browne.
Y'all know he's a convicted child sex offende
and a German Shepherd moleste
AND his grandaddy was the grand-wizard of the KKK!
I swear to God's truth.
That's un-American.
And the other half of this doggy-pony show
is this 'I-Ain't-A-Lesbian-I-Swear,'
fatty Maggie Gallagher.
But hell, I don't need to make up shit about her.
I mean, I mean...
You can't trust somethin' that fuckin' ugly.
NOM's HBIC look like she done LIVE
at the Western Sizzlin' buffet.
All she know how to do is
'NOM-NOM-NOM-NOM-NOM!'
(laughs)
(coughs)
(clears throat)
And she really a collundrum cause...
You know, usually most fat gals has at least
got one faggot buddy in school.
She must have her own Marcus Bachmann
stash away somewhere,
cause you ain't never seen no pictures
of her and her husband, have ya?
He either imaginary, or too embarrassed
to let everybody know he fuck this
'roll-her-in-flour-and-look-for-the-wet-spot'...
...heifer-bitch.
(laughs, coughs)
Damn!
Loretta on a roll tonight!
(cackles)
I here at How I Seize It
is gettin' ready to sends out letters
to Ms. Brown and Mrs. Gallaghe
and let them know they gettin' ready
to be the newest inductees of
C.H.O.F.
Which is, uhh...
"Cunt Hall of Fame."
(laughs)
You in such lustrous company as
Anita Bryant...
Mrs. and Mrs. Michele Bachmann...
Ann Coulter...
or whatever Republican out there
what sucks dick,
whether it be out the closet,
or in a bathroom stall,
or in the mile high club up in an airplane.
Whatever!
May you bitches burn a effigy.
MOTHER FUCKERS!!!
And with that ceremony bein' concluded,
let's move on and think about how far gays has come
since the Will and Grace Act of '98
said that TV shows was allowed
to have more than one gay.
Now with this new Glee Amendment,
you can have all the homos you want!
That's progress, y'all.
And 'member gay marriage haters.
M.Y.O.F.B.
or 'myfob.'
Mind Your Own Fuckin' Business!!!
and that's How I Seize It.