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A co-dependent couple drowning in booze and yet still clinging to well-paying... more »
Published May 10, 2011 320k views Immortal More Info »
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Produced by Jordan Vogt-Roberts, T.J. Miller, Lizzy Caplan
Written T.J. Miller
Story By TJ Miller & Jordan Vogt-Roberts
Starring TJ Miller, Lizzy Caplan, Nick Kroll, Whitney Cummings, Matt Braunger, Nick Thune, Brian Sacca, Pete Karinen, Ryan Ridley, Allison Munn, Tony Hale, Fred Goss and more!
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319,917 Views
Published: May 10, 2011
Transcript

♪ ♪
Allison Munn: I mean, do you think they left?
Nick Thune: If we could be so lucky.
Lizzy Caplan: I've been looking for
you for 20 minutes,
Lizzy Caplan: and I got you.
Lizzy Caplan: Wake up!
-Wake up!
-Huh.
-Come on
-[sneezes]
-Bless you.
-That's on me. That's okay.
-I passed out.
Lizzy Caplan: Yeah. You also left me out there
with those people, you remember?
TJ Miller: I'm sorry. I think
I threw up on myself.
-I did. I just found out about it.
-You did.
Lizzy Caplan: It's okay.
I'm going to fix you up.
TJ Miller: Oh no. I told you
we shouldn't have come.
Lizzy Caplan: No. I said, "We shouldn't come,"
Lizzy Caplan: you said, "We have to come,"
Lizzy Caplan: and then I said,
"I didn't like them in college.
I don't want to go,"
Lizzy Caplan: and you said, "We have to go."
TJ Miller: Yeah, you're right.
Nick Thune: Could you get some more
carrots in the salad next time?
Allison Munn: It adds color.
It's pretty.
Nick Thune: I was actually asking. Could you?
-Do you think you could on the next time?
-Oh, do you want me to?
Nick Thune: No.
TJ Miller: This is my bad.
Lizzy Caplan: I don't know what...
Hold on...
Lizzy Caplan: I don't know how to fix this.
Lizzy Caplan: It's pretty bad.
Lizzy Caplan: Oh God. Alright,
we gotta think for a second.
Lizzy Caplan: We gotta use our thinking
caps here. We need a plan.
TJ Miller: Well, we gotta
go back out there.
Lizzy Caplan: Yes.
TJ Miller: And I gotta get rid of this shirt.
Lizzy Caplan: Yeah, you...
Yes.
TJ Miller: I need another scotch.
Lizzy Caplan: Yeah okay.
Lizzy Caplan: Well, we can do
all of that, but babe
Lizzy Caplan: I don't know how you're going
to go back out there without a shirt.
-What did they have diarrhea? What's the...
-Okay, you know what?
Allison Munn: Be classy.
TJ Miller: Hey guys. Sorry about that.
TJ Miller: I had to make a phone call.
Allison Munn: Okay, why aren't
you wearing shirts?
Lizzy Caplan: Oh, yeah...
Okay, we were
-inside after...
-Mm-hmm. The phone.
Lizzy Caplan: and we were like,
you know what? Fuck it.
Lizzy Caplan: Shirtless. Main course.
Why not?
-Why not? Tell me.
-As in an intimacy exercise.
-We're pretty intimate.
-We've taken our shirts off before.
Lizzy Caplan: It's not a swinging thing.
We're not hitting on you guys,
Lizzy Caplan: but if we were, I'm not
kidding, right, he's hot.
Allison Munn: You're hot baby.
Lizzy Caplan: I bet he's fuckin' weird in bed.
Lizzy Caplan: Super weird.
TJ Miller: [sighs] Are you?
-He is a little weird in bed.
-Why would you say that?
-What?
-What? Just in front of...
Nick Thune: I don't know...
Do you have a blog?
Nick Thune: I don't know who's posting
what on the internet right now.
Allison Munn: Oh my God, why are you
so paranoid about blogs?
Allison Munn: Honey, you don't even have a web presence.
TJ Miller: Are you paranoid about blogging?
Allison Munn: That information is between you and me.
Allison Munn: It has nothing to do
with these two drunk people.
-Whoa.
-I'm sorry.
Allison Munn: I said, that you guys
had too much to drink.
Lizzy Caplan: Whoa. I assume you're
referring to us, and let me just say
Lizzy Caplan: perhaps we've not
had enough to drink.
♪ 1, 2, 3, 4 ♪
♪ ♪
♪ That's what we used to do ♪
♪ That's what we used to do ♪
♪ You know the days the day ♪
♪ Nothing like the days we knew ♪
-♪ You can argue all you want ♪
-[music fades]
-Morning.
-[phone rings]
TJ Miller: Who's there?
TJ Miller: It's you, working.
TJ Miller: Oops, sorry.
TJ Miller: That's not my...
That's not mine.
Good morning Lindsey.
Lizzy Caplan: Ooh, hey.
You don't remember
my name do you.
Lizzy Caplan: Uh...
Lizzy Caplan: No.
-[thud]
-Uh.
TJ Miller: Oh, I've been taken out Trish.
-I'm kidding.
-♪ That's what we used to do ♪
[music ends]
[sniffs, mumbles]
Where's that from?
[bottles clanking]
[snorting]
[giggles] Where do you go to it?
-[longer snorting]
-[he giggles]
-That is good. It is. It's the one.
-[phone rings]
Tony Hale: I thought your
last piece was great.
Lizzy Caplan: Oh thanks.
Tony Hale: It was really, really great.
Tony Hale: I think this though,
this is inspiring.
Tony Hale: Let me... one of these
quotes you said, it's just genius.
-Ugh, Todd.
-Hold on. No, no, no. Hold on.
Tony Hale: The year 2000 is not necessarily 2000.
Tony Hale: It is a mixture of our children.
Tony Hale: Come on, that's genius.
Tony Hale: Here's the deal.
Tony Hale: It just completely went into a
direction I just don't fully understand.
Tony Hale: I mean, [stammers]
you talk about your parents,
Tony Hale: and then you talked
about Drake, and then
Tony Hale: you drew a picture of
you receiving a literary award,
Tony Hale: which it was already
an award you had.
Tony Hale: I just...
No, you go, you go.
Lizzy Caplan: That was a mistake.
I wasn't supposed to give you that one.
Lizzy Caplan: That's a confession maybe.
Tony Hale: Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
It's Claudia's fault.
Tony Hale: It's Claudia's fault.
She gave me the wrong one.
-When did I give those to you?
-Uh...
Tony Hale: Uh, Monday.
Lizzy Caplan: And today is... today is?
-Thursday.
-Thursday.
-Really?
-Yeah.
Lizzy Caplan: If you were to ask me what
day is it, there's no way I would
say Thursday.
-[laughing] Okay.
-[she's laughing]
Tony Hale: [softly] Is there anything
you want to tell me,
Tony Hale: like any kind of problem
you want to share that you're
going through?
Lizzy Caplan: Is there anything in your
office that can prove to me that
it's Thursday?
Lizzy Caplan: And I don't want you to
think that I think that you are a liar,
-because I don't.
-I do. I do. I do. Right here.
-Right here. Right here.
-It'll drive me crazy.
Tony Hale: Right here on my B-Berry. Here.
Lizzy Caplan: Huh.
Lizzy Caplan: That's wild. It's Thursday.
Drake, I see it right here.
We definitely benefited from your idea
-to acquire C5's last year.
-Yeah, that was one of the best
ideas we had last year.
All the ideas that we are hearing
are actually really, really good,
which is incredibly
frustrating in itself,
it's just this last thing that
we're not quite understanding.
-This has been out the whole time.
-You were about to say something.
You were going to
give us some information.
TJ Miller: What?
TJ Miller: I think this sector
can be improved.
-What sector?
-What do you mean?
What sector are
you talking about?
-What?
-You said sector.
- Say a sector.
You were going to tell us a sector?
TJ Miller: I have a few other points,
and I'm excited for them...
TJ Miller: For them.
-What part of our company--
-Oh, we can all raise our voices if we want to--
-I'm not raising my voice Drake.
---But some of us chose not to.
We're not raising our voices right now.
We would just like to know
-which sector are you thinking--
-Marketing.
Great. Marketing.
In which ways can we
improve the Marketing department?
TJ Miller: [sighs] I mean,
think about it,
TJ Miller: when did Marketing
do the best, hmm?
TJ Miller: In 2003, they had the lowest
budget of the entire decade.
TJ Miller: So then you're thinking,
"Oh okay, so what do we do about it?"
TJ Miller: Well, they gave them less money,
cut back on them,
TJ Miller: because it makes them
think outside of the money.
TJ Miller: If you give them a lot of
money, mo' money, mo' problems,
TJ Miller: they're throwing
out more billboards.
TJ Miller: Scale back, that's how they
came up with the bio campaign.
TJ Miller: The most successful
of anything we've done.
TJ Miller: That's what I'm saying.
TJ Miller: Tell them it's
corporate restrictions.
TJ Miller: See what they come up with.
TJ Miller: Right?
TJ Miller: Come on.
TJ Miller: Come on, they clap in the
theatre when something's good.
TJ Miller: Come on.
TJ Miller: You guys want to see something
I haven't shown anybody?
[bones crack]
TJ Miller: Uh!
Ah!
♪ ♪
[she's laughing]
[car horn honking]
[Lindsey]: Wake up, please.
-We're in the kitchen.
Lizzy Caplan: Wake up. Please get up.
TJ Miller: Yeah.
Lizzy Caplan: It's messy in here right now.
TJ Miller: Truth time. I blacked out.
Lizzy Caplan: Yeah. I mean, I blacked out
last night too obviously, because
Lizzy Caplan: I don't know what, any...
Lizzy Caplan: I don't... I don't
remember. [exhales]
TJ Miller: I don't want you to be
real concerned about this, okay?
Lizzy Caplan: What?
Lizzy Caplan: I can't even... Oh my God!
Lizzy Caplan: There's no way
that's going to work now.
TJ Miller: Maybe we were trying to clean it.
Lizzy Caplan: But I needed this. It's a draft
of the thing that I'm working on.
-This could dry.
-Honestly, it's not even about that.
Lizzy Caplan: It's not even about that,
it's more about the fact that I got
Lizzy Caplan: blacked out drunk last night,
and you got blacked out drunk too,
and then this happened.
Lizzy Caplan: If I'm going to get
blackouts you can't.
Lizzy Caplan: You cannot get blackout drunk.
TJ Miller: Hey, if I had known that
you were going to get this drunk,
-I wouldn't have gotten this drunk--
-But how did you not know
Lizzy Caplan: that I was going
to get this drunk.
Lizzy Caplan: I was drinking vodka
:00 o'clock in the morning.
TJ Miller: Hey, I love you, okay,
and we look out for each other.
-Alright?
-Yeah.
TJ Miller: Do you think I
threw-up, and if so wear?
-Can you think about where?
-[phone rings]
-I haven't seen any--
-Hold on where's the phone.
Lizzy Caplan: [softly] I don't know.
-Well, look for it.
-I'm looking for it.
-Was this a phone at any point?
-No, that's a melted blender.
-[phone rings]
-Here it is.
-[beep]
-Hello. Hi, Mr. Goss. How're you doing?
TJ Miller: Yeah. I'm working
from home this morning.
[immitating music]
Fred Goss: Are you done, scatting, now?
TJ Miller: I think there's a joke to be
made about scat porn here.
-Do you think?
-Listen, I'm going to be brief, um...
Fred Goss: because I figure you
have to go do what you do.
TJ Miller: Well, it's 11:00 o'clock somewhere.
[laughter]
Fred Goss: Yeah. No. See, that's not the saying.
Fred Goss: The saying is it's 5:00 o'clock somewhere.
Alcoholics say that.
Fred Goss: They'll say, "It's 5:00 o'clock somewhere, " you know.
TJ Miller: No, that's not what
I was kinda getting at.
TJ Miller: I was saying like,
you know if I were Australia
TJ Miller: I would be out
of work right now.
Fred Goss: Look, the Denver presentation, right,
Fred Goss: I can't impress upon you
enough the importance that it is
to me and the firm--
TJ Miller: You know, I'll tell you
something about Denver.
TJ Miller: I'm excited. I am. I'm ready.
TJ Miller: I mean, the presentation
is what we're...
TJ Miller: What are we...
what were we talking about?
Fred Goss: You don't know
what it's on do you?
TJ Miller: No. And maybe this is an opportunity
to give it to somebody else.
-You remember me hiring you.
-Yeah, of course I remember you hiring me.
Fred Goss: You're also aware
that I can fire you, right?
TJ Miller: Uh, yeah.
Fred Goss: See, because I should fire you,
I really should, but the thing is you're
my best man.
-You're my best boss.
-I mean, everyone else is here, Drake,
Fred Goss: and you're up here,
which is confounding.
Fred Goss: I have guilt,
I have guilt Drake,
Fred Goss: because I keep you on,
because you're so good,
Fred Goss: yet I know that you could die.
TJ Miller: Are you threatening my person?
Is that a death threat?
Fred Goss: That's not funny.
Fred Goss: It's not funny anymore, alright?
Fred Goss: [stammering] Go make the Denver presentation.
TJ Miller: Uh, thank you, very much.
Fred Goss: You know your suit's tucked in.
TJ Miller: Oh, um...
TJ Miller: This is a...
TJ Miller: Yeah, I just... I wanted everything
to be kinda streamlined today, so...
-[sigh]
-[door closes]
♪ ♪
-Fall asleep at the wheel?
-I passed out.
Lizzy Caplan: God. You passed...
Why don't we just... Oh God.
-Oh my God.
-Ooh.
-Hi.
-Hello.
Matt Braunger: What?
Are you guys taking a catnap?
Matt Braunger: Get out of the car.
TJ Miller: I'll take care of it.
-Oh!
-Oh boy.
Matt Braunger: So you have been drinking.
TJ Miller: No. No I have not.
Matt Braunger: That wasn't a question.
TJ Miller: Yes. Yes, I have.
TJ Miller: I think it's important
to be honest about this.
TJ Miller: We actually, um,
We pulled over to sleep it off.
Matt Braunger: Even if you were sleeping
it off along the stretch of the
road that's illegal. Okay?
TJ Miller: Is it illegal to not have
wanted to drive drunk sir?
-Where are you headed?
-Denver.
Matt Braunger: Denver? Denver is
16 hours from here.
TJ Miller: I had a friend die.
Matt Braunger: I'm sorry to hear that.
TJ Miller: We were at his wake.
That's why we were drinking, you know?
TJ Miller: Have you ever had a friend die?
Lizzy Caplan: I'm sure he's had
a friend die. He's a cop.
Lizzy Caplan: You know, death is
a part of the job.
Matt Braunger: [Officer]: Yes. Ma'am
please be quiet. Yes, I have.
-Were you at a crack bust?
-What?
Lizzy Caplan: Oh God, crack,
you know, everywhere.
Lizzy Caplan: It's on our streets,
in our schools.
TJ Miller: Did you get in there,
you tell your partner,
TJ Miller: "There's three in the kitchen.
There's three in the kitchen!"
TJ Miller: He goes in, another
comes around, guns blazing,
TJ Miller: shoots your partner in the neck... like that.
-Was that how it went down?
-That never happened.
TJ Miller: You know you can cut
a man's head off with bullets--
-What?
---if you shoot enough of them.
-So they decapitated him.
-No. Listen.
-They decapitated him.
-There's no crack around here.
-It's a woodland area.
-Woodland area.
Matt Braunger: Mm-hmm. Listen, are you
willing to take a breathalyzer?
TJ Miller: No. No. I don't think
that's a good idea right now.
Matt Braunger: Well, then you lose
your license for a full year.
TJ Miller: Then I'll take one.
Matt Braunger: Follow my finger.
Matt Braunger: Don't move your head.
Matt Braunger: Don't you touch me.
-You out of your mind?
-Wait. Hold on. Hold on.
Lizzy Caplan: Can I just maybe have
a little chit-chat with you,
-just for a quick moment.
-Alright.
-Let's take a breathalyzer.
-Put your hands on your car,
Matt Braunger: and you wait for my instructions.
Matt Braunger: On the car. This isn't a stick up.
♪ ♪
[indistinct chatter]
Lizzy Caplan: [Lindsey]: Thanks.
Drake, get in the car.
Lizzy Caplan: Get in the car!
TJ Miller: Thank you.
TJ Miller: Told you, I'd handle it.
TJ Miller: What? I'm kidding.
I knew that you did it.
TJ Miller: What did you say to him?
That was amazing.
-What did you say?
-Drake,
Lizzy Caplan: you know if you get another
DUI then you get to go to jail, right?
Lizzy Caplan: You go right to jail.
-Yeah, but that's not going to happen.
-Why do you think that
-that's not going to happen?
-Because that never happens.
TJ Miller: Here, have a beer.
Lizzy Caplan: You're kidding.
TJ Miller: Ooh, you don't like beer now?
TJ Miller: Come on. Lindsey be fun.
TJ Miller: Oh, so it's shut down time now.
TJ Miller: Is that what's going on?
TJ Miller: Lindsey's shutting
down everybody!
Lizzy Caplan: Shut... Shut up.
TJ Miller: Where's the
control panel for this thing?
-Hey...
-Please shut up!
TJ Miller: It's Drake to control room.
Lizzy Caplan: Jesus!
TJ Miller: Whoa.
TJ Miller: Okay. We're not going
to get into trouble, because we
never get into trouble.
TJ Miller: We don't go to jail, alright?
TJ Miller: We make a lot of money,
and we drive a nice car.
TJ Miller: Do you want to drive,
or do you want me to?
Lizzy Caplan: I want you to.
-Do you want to sleep?
-Yes.
-So you can go to sleep, okay?
-That's a yes.
TJ Miller: That's what you need.
You need to sleep.
-Hey, I love you.
-Yeah!
-I love you.
-I love you.
TJ Miller: Did you just get on
your period or something?
-Dude, drive the fucking car.
-Okay. Whoa-okay.
TJ Miller: Sorry. Touchy subject.
♪ ♪
Lizzy Caplan: Ooh.
Lizzy Caplan: Let's go to a bar.
TJ Miller: Alright, now we're up.
Now we're partying.
TJ Miller: That's what I'm talking about.
TJ Miller: Welcome back.
TJ Miller: Um...
TJ Miller: When we're in Denver, and
I don't see anything that's open.
Lizzy Caplan: Could we go to a...
like liquor store maybe?
TJ Miller: Yeah, I mean...
We just need to find a liquor store.
TJ Miller: So, yeah.
We're going to pull over.
-It's closed.
-What are you talking about it's closed?
-The sign says it's open.
-It's closed.
[indistinct talking]
Lizzy Caplan: Well, then what's in the car?
Lizzy Caplan: What's in the car then?
TJ Miller: There's nothing in the car.
TJ Miller: There's nothing in the car,
because I drank everything in the car.
Lizzy Caplan: Dammit Drake! How did
you drink everything in the car?
Lizzy Caplan: Do something.
Lizzy Caplan: Fuck! Do something about this.
-Fix it! I need a drink.
-Okay, well why don't we--
-Get me a drink now!
-Alright, so why don't
TJ Miller: we just call somebody,
and see if anybody knows
anybody in Denver.
Lizzy Caplan: Who do you know in Denver?
TJ Miller: I don't know anybody
in Denver, I'm just saying!
TJ Miller: Or we can drive around,
and we can find a party!
TJ Miller: What about if we call a limo?
You wanna call a limo?
Fully stocked--
-Just fix it.
-It'll be like prom,
TJ Miller: except uh, you know,
we'll have successful sex.
TJ Miller: Hello?
TJ Miller: Yeah, I understand
that it's 2AM.
TJ Miller: I just... when I order a limo
I expect it to be fully stocked.
TJ Miller: That's what I don't get why.
TJ Miller: Well, just take us to the hotel.
TJ Miller: We're not having fun.
Take us back to my car.
TJ Miller: This isn't fun.
TJ Miller: I want to go back to the car.
I'll drive to the hotel on my own.
TJ Miller: Hi, can I have a...
We're checking in.
Nick Kroll: Bonjour. We just have
one room and it's a suite.
TJ Miller: Okay. In there is there a minibar?
Nick Kroll: Mm-hmm, but I can't give
you the key, because it's after 2 AM.
TJ Miller: We had a really long drive,
you know, my fiancé and I,
-we came a really long way--
-[softly] Why are you whispering?
-What?
-Why are you whispering?
TJ Miller: I'm not whispering.
I'm just saying, we'd like to
go upstairs and have a drink.
TJ Miller: No biggie.
TJ Miller: Uh, so you can
give us the key right?
Nick Kroll: Just rewinding me
real quick, you drove here?
TJ Miller: Yeah.
Nick Kroll: You smell
like a distillery.
TJ Miller: You're being a real
piece of shit right now.
-Oh, I'm being a piece of shit. Really?
-Yeah, you're being a real
-piece of shit right now.
-Really? I'm being a piece of shit?
-Yeah.
-Because I'm not the one who's
Nick Kroll: begging to get up in
some bullshit hotel to get my
Nick Kroll: chubby little fingers around
an airplane sized bottle of bottom
shelf liquor.
TJ Miller: But you are the guy at the
hotel where I'm doing that at 4 AM,
TJ Miller: and you will be next
week when we're in Cabo.
Nick Kroll: Oh Cabo? With the shakes?
Nick Kroll: Have fun in the sun bucko.
TJ Miller: You're a dick, and I don't
think we would've liked each other.
TJ Miller: And I would punch you
in the face, but my girlfriend
-doesn't like violence.
-Wait, your girlfriend?
Nick Kroll: I thought she was your fiancé?
TJ Miller: Go fuck yourself faux hawk.
TJ Miller: Lindsey we're leaving.
Let's go right now.
TJ Miller: Come on.
Come on, baby.
Let's go.
Nick Kroll: Also, I manager a band.
Nick Kroll: We're going to
be on Fuse next week.
♪ ♪
Whitney Cummings: [Female #1]: Denver branch. May I help you?
-[indistinct talking]
-[phone rings]
Whitney Cummings: [Female #1]: Did you want to
schedule a meeting to come in as well?
Whitney Cummings: I know he's been
eager to talk to you.
-[thump]
-Okay.
-And so as far as the--
-[thumping]
-As far as the um...
-[phone rings]
Whitney Cummings: Would you hold on one second?
Whitney Cummings: Can I help you?
Lizzy Caplan: Listen, the only thing
I want right now is 30 to 45 seconds
of just quiet.
Whitney Cummings: [Female #1]: Okay, so
If you want to just sit here.
Whitney Cummings: The magazines, um, stay here.
♪ ♪
♪ I'm going to drive
down to your house ♪
♪ In a shiny black
Cadillac car ♪
[exhales]
TJ Miller: Wow, that went well,
all things considered.
TJ Miller: Let's go to the bar. Celebrate.
TJ Miller: Hey, let's go. Come on.
TJ Miller: Come on.
♪ ♪
Lizzy Caplan: I want to quit drinking.
TJ Miller: You do? Good...
Yeah, I think that's a good idea.
Lizzy Caplan: Will you quit with me?
TJ Miller: Yeah. Definitely.
-Let's both quit...
-Drake, I'm being serious.
TJ Miller: Yeah, me too.
That's a great idea.
Lizzy Caplan: I'm not doing
anything anymore.
Lizzy Caplan: I'm not writing.
It's time to...
TJ Miller: I don't understand you Lindsey.
One little issue comes up.
TJ Miller: One little case of DTs, and
now you want to change everything?
Lizzy Caplan: Why does it change everything?
Lizzy Caplan: I just want to stop
drinking for a little bit.
Lizzy Caplan: I mean, are you hearing
what you're saying right now?
TJ Miller: Yeah. I am. I am
hearing what I'm saying.
Lizzy Caplan: What if we want to have kids?
TJ Miller: What?
TJ Miller: We're not even married
Lindsey, and if we were then...
TJ Miller: I mean, if you wanted to
have kids then you would quit
for 9 months,
TJ Miller: and I would cut back big time.
-I'd be able to relax...
-That's great.
Lizzy Caplan: So then what, we're just
going to be really wasted the whole
Lizzy Caplan: time we're raising
our little babies, huh?
Lizzy Caplan: I mean their first words
are going to be slurred.
Lizzy Caplan: Is that how you're
going to video tape their first
adorable stumbling?
Lizzy Caplan: I mean, come on,
we can't have kids like this.
Lizzy Caplan: I don't think we can do
this for another five years.
TJ Miller: Wow, yeah, that is really,
really clever. That's funny.
TJ Miller: When was the last time
you went to a concert?
-A concert, sober? Yeah. It's boring--
-I'm trying...
TJ Miller: --People are irritating
and it's not fun.
TJ Miller: So, if this is a real
problem would we...
TJ Miller: Look at this car.
TJ Miller: Look at our lives.
TJ Miller: Like would we really...
You know, I think the fucked up thing about your mentality,
-your not realizing most
people would kill for the--
-No. No.
-You know what the fucked up thing is?
Is that you're going try to pull
Lizzy Caplan: this bullshit on me.
Lizzy Caplan: 'Cause I hear you talk
like this to everybody, Drake.
Lizzy Caplan: I hear you talk like this to
your boss and your co-workers,
Lizzy Caplan: and like people
at the bank, everybody.
Lizzy Caplan: And yeah, you're so great you
can talk your way out of everything.
Lizzy Caplan: But do you know what?
Do you know what just fucking drives
Lizzy Caplan: me crazy is that you're
going to pull this shit on me.
Lizzy Caplan: I mean, do you have any
idea how terrible it makes me feel
Lizzy Caplan: that you're going
to talk to me like that.
-I'm not trying to say...
-No, you are!
Lizzy Caplan: You are and you know
that you are, and that's what
makes it so fucked up!
-Babe, I love you.
-I love you.
Lizzy Caplan: That's the point, Drake.
Lizzy Caplan: This is completely insane.
We can't keep doing this.
Lizzy Caplan: I don't even remember the
last time there was a week that went
Lizzy Caplan: by that we both didn't vomit.
TJ Miller: Thanksgiving last year.
Lizzy Caplan: Thanksgiving.
Are you serious right now?
Lizzy Caplan: Because you threw
up in your mouth,
Lizzy Caplan: and then you pretended
like you needed to leave the table to
Lizzy Caplan: get a present for me, and
then you came back with a little
Lizzy Caplan: trophy from your
brother's room.
-That was a present for you.
-God. That was so weird.
Lizzy Caplan: All of this shit is so weird.
Lizzy Caplan: I don't want
to do it anymore.
Lizzy Caplan: Do you know
what I said to that cop?
TJ Miller: What?
Lizzy Caplan: I told him that we were alcoholics,
Lizzy Caplan: and then I thought that
if I didn't leave you then neither
Lizzy Caplan: one of us was going to stop.
TJ Miller: He let you off, because of that?
Lizzy Caplan: No, I also said that I knew
somebody in highway patrol.
Lizzy Caplan: I just made up some name,
and I gave him $1200 dollars, but
-I also said that--
-You gave him $1200 dollars?
Lizzy Caplan: What the fuck does it matter
if I gave him $1200 dollars?!
TJ Miller: Okay, you don't need to yell.
Lizzy Caplan: I'm not yelling Drake!
I'm just... God.
Lizzy Caplan: I'm sad, Drake.
Lizzy Caplan: I'm just... I'm really... I'm sad.
TJ Miller: You know what? Yes.
TJ Miller: Let's quit drinking.
You want to quit drinking? Sure.
TJ Miller: I'll do it. We'll both do it.
Lizzy Caplan: Okay.
Allison Munn: [Female #2]: It was just crazy.
Allison Munn: It was crazy, you know,
the whole thing was just, ugh.
Allison Munn: It was a disgusting retail experience.
Allison Munn: It was pathetic and disturbing and rude.
Allison Munn: And I don't think there's
going to be anything done about it,
Allison Munn: at least not on our end.
Nick Thune: Nothing at all.
And that's the frustrating part, because
Nick Thune: there you are,
you're shopping, and then...
[together]: Bam.
-You're all alone, helpless.
-So helpless.
Allison Munn: And you know what?
It's not like they can reverse the charge.
Allison Munn>I mean, I don't want
to take back what I got.
Allison Munn: I like what I brought.
It's not that, it's just...
Nick Thune: I loved it. You should
see what she got.
-It's really great stuff.
-Do you have it in the kitchen?
Nick Thune: You guys want
anymore Diet Coke?
-Yeah. I would love--
-Diet Coke.
-I'm good.
-I'mma get it.
-Oh, thanks baby.
-Yeah.
-It's that card again, right?
-Yeah. And the headband.
Allison Munn: You know, I'm
glad Drake's not here.
Allison Munn: I think you're better off. Don't you think?
Lizzy Caplan: Uh, yes I do actually... definitely.
Lizzy Caplan: It's... I don't know.
It's not as fun.
Allison Munn: Fun?
Allison Munn: Come on. I mean, do you
think you could keep having fun like
Allison Munn: that for the rest of your life?
Allison Munn: Trust me. I know
from experience. You can't.
Lizzy Caplan: God, I hope you're wrong.
-What?
-What?
-What'd you...
-I said, I hope you're right.
♪ If you walk away, I'll walk away ♪
♪ First tell me which road you will take ♪
♪ I don't want to risk our
paths crossing some day ♪
♪ So you walk that way,
I'll walk this way ♪
♪ And the moon's
laying low in the sky ♪
♪ Forcing everything metal to shine ♪
♪ And the sidewalk holds diamonds
like the jewelry store case ♪
♪ They argue walk this way,
no, walk this way ♪
[music ends]

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