I'm Loretta Jenkins
and the brass tax on today's How I Seize It is...
I'm a slut!
I am a proud slut and I'm standing up
for all the proud sluts out there in the world.
You knows who you are!
[horny cat meows]
Oooh, sound like somebody pussy hongry!
Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh.....
Least that's what abortion 'poster child'
Rush Limbaugh want to call me and all the other bitches out there
that just wants some dick
without making a bunch of ungrateful youngin' mouths to feed!
Who the fuck has youngins on purpose anyway?
Babies is mostly just 'accidents' from people who just likes to get drunk alot
or or or or or or or folks wantin' to get on some more welfare checks.
Well then again, them bitches is to saddled on the hooch
to remember how to put on a rubber anyways.
But enough about that low-classness...
Let's bring it back around to 'His Royal Fatassness!'
That's you, Rush!
Who would name their baby after a bottle of queer poppers?
That's probably why he's always hepped upon that hillbilly heroin.
Damn, that shit's primo!
Who are you to critisize nobody?
Uh, first. You fat and ugly to look at!
And you probably had to pay for your poontang
just like most your other Republicanm counterparties.
Explain how the 'party of morals' is always the ones with two or three ex-wives.
Like Newt and Rush.
And Mitt Romney's probably secret hide-away fifty Mormon wives.
Rush, you can call me a whore, a slut, a tramp,
a trolly-la, trolley car- trolly- troll- trollup? Trollup!
Or get creative with 'cockhound,' 'town whore,' knobslobber-'
It don't make one bit of shit to me.
Cause you sir, Rush...
Are a goddamn, mother fuckin', titty-suckin', son-of-a-bitchin',
bat-shit-crazy, back-fat-fucked, faggity ass,
cunt-lappin', dick lickin', nut hummin',
dog whore slut monstered oxycontin-fueled ASSHOLE!
And you should fuckin' die!
And I will piss and dance and prance on your two-ton gravesite!
Piss! Shit! Amen!
Drugs is bad, kids.
Why the Lord gotta call little lambs like
MJ, and Whitney Houston, Roger Dangerfield on up home
and leave us these sumbitches?
Get you some sense, Lord!
You can't just be leavin' us down here with all these assholes!
That ain't fair!
Well, I rectum he did just get Hussein and Sama Ladin
and King Dong Chong from South Afrikorea.
So, I reckon he's done alright lately.
Praise his name.
I love dick!
And I ain't ashamed to shout it from the roof and the mountaintops.
In the morning, in the afternoon, twiced on Sundays.
If I'm asleep just come on in.
If you need to wake me up just leave some shots nearby
cause ain't nobody like wakin' up sober.
Um, basically I just fuck anytimes unless Ellen's on,
or if unless I'm goin to an Easter Service, or if you a fatty,
or if you a first cousin on my momma's side.
Hell, if I had as many dicks stickin' out of me as I've had stickin' in me,
I'd look like a goddamn porcupine!
Least that's what my great-grandaddy said.
God rest his soul in Hell.
Now sometimes what Rush say just go too far.
Like like like when he said that poor little old
Parkinson-stricken Michael J. Fox was fakin' his shakin' bacums.
Or or or like how he call Obama and Michelle First Lady
'Magical Nego Dragons.'
Now I don't know if it's cause he's a college drop-out or what, but, uh...
He don't know dragons ain't real?
And worser than that, he is a goddamn Steelers fan!
You know. The official team of retards.
Some my sister pioneer feminazis
like bra-burn Gloria Steinmun and Hanoi Jane,
they askin' for his dismissions from the airwaves.
But that ain't the answer y'all
cause he got first amendment 'speechy freedoms,' too.
Just let him make Republicans lookin' like hate-monsters.
Cause one day maybe we'll wake up and they all be extinct.
Listen here, Rush...
If you want to address me directly
then you call me a BITCH, not a SLUT.
Cause a slut will fuck anybody
but a bitch will fuck anybody...
And that's How I Seize It.