Jonathan loves three things - tank tops, Caitlyn Jenner and "Game of Thrones."
- June 02, 2015
- 220k Views
Starring - Jonathan Van Ness
Featuring - John Milhiser
Director - Erin Gibson
Producers - Matt Mazany and Ross Buran
Writers - Mark Rennie, Erin Gibson, Jonny Mais, , Matt Mazany
Editor - John Ford
Director of Photography - Cristina Dunlap
Production Designer - Flower Cole
Gaffer - Matt Sweeney
Make Up and Hair - Emily Rae
Sound Mixer - Ryan Kaiser
Assistant Editor and Graphics - Kat Palardy
June 02, 2015
(Both Yell): Did you see Game of Thrones?
Jonathan Van Ness: Oh my god girl, at the beginning you had Munchers doing
his best shark tank to keep Sir Carlisle in business, but Christina was all like,
Then Blonde Cher is in the dungeon, and she was getting tortured by a twisted
Cathy in a genie.
John Milhiser: Well every nun learns how to use a weapon. Hers was illegal.
> Oh my god, and things are just not getting any better for Blonde Cher
when Bill Nye Westeros science guy breezes on in, and gets her BuzzFeed's Top 4
Things Blonde Cher should not have done.
> (Male Voice): Fornication, treason, incest, and the murder of King Robert.
> All lies.
> Then we find out that Baby Kristen Stewart is some OG type of an entrepreneur,
because she invented the worlds first food truck.
> And she's trying to look like Freda Khalo, but that bitch looked like Bell from
Beauty and the Beast.
Bonjour, bonjour, bonjour.
> So then Baby Kristen Stewart finally gets her Kill Bill deadly viper's mission.
> And then we find out that she has to poison Thunder Man. Who's Thunder Man?
> He's like Huffington Post Bloody Mary.
> Bloody Mary, bloody Mary, bloody Mary.
(he fakes like he's choking)
> I'm just kidding.
> You were?
> Yeah, I was just kidding.
So then, my homegirl Baby Theon came
upstairs to give Orphan Genge's her Theraflu.
> Yeah, but she's all pissed, because he killed her entire family.
> But he was like no girl, no Miss Cleo's still alive.
> Who is Miss Cleo?
> Baby paraplegic.
> So then Kristina and Munchers
are having their Super Soul Sunday gab fest, and Munchers is totally going to be
her new political adviser, but he will be facing random drug testing.
> And apparently her favorite political philosopher is the Hulk.
> I'm not going to stop the wheel, I'm going to break the wheel.
> She's going to kegel that wheel into a million pieces girl.
> So then Hot Jon Snow, and the dirty dozen are crossing the Delaware
to go pay the Wildlings a visit, and they meet my new baby character of the week, Lovely Bones.
But then as per usual Wildlings Louis CK beats it while forcing everybody to watch.
> And then Jon Snow goes full Tracy Flick, and pitches a merger to the
worlds coldest Cirque du Soleil troop.
> And then Das Sound Machine, she's totally pulling him along, and
disobeying all her ancestors.
> Fuck'em they're dead.
> (inaudible) is there, and he's still cranky from his Air France flight.
> Oh my god, that last scene, it was so major girl.
And all of those Grateful Dead skeletons down that hill ready to go in on some
(Grateful Dead's "Touch of Grey" plays)
> And then, I was like this scene is ripped straight out of Titanic with
everyone bum rushing the life boat.
> And then Louis CK was like, "Why did you come back?
You're so stupid Rose, you're so stupid."
> So then Jon Snow faces off against a very scary Gandalf.
So they're fighting, they're twerking, they're doing the most, but then
he totally like kills him with that sword.
> You think that mother fucker had
a dragon glass sword?
> No, I'm pretty sure
that was valyrian steel girl.
> Valyrian steel is a good porn name.
> So then Jon Snow makes it down to the life boat--
> That boat was moving so slow. Are you going to row? I'm not going to row.
Are you going to row? Nobody wanted to row.
> Did you notice how Jon Snow, and White Walker Bobby Flay were totally having cheersex?
He's totally going to come back and see Jon. They're totally going to sext tonight.
> Ok, this is kind of giving me PP Podrick action today.
That stands for pussy poppin' Podrick.
> Oh, I didn't know that.
> Where are...
> My dragons.