My name is Loretta Jenkins
and How I Seize It
is all you queers out there
needs to stop killin' yourself.
That ain't no way out!
If you kill yourself,
then the bullies win!
And if I know anything about queers,
they hates to lose.
Y'all, it gets better.
Just wait it out.
Cause all the queers I know, that's older...
They the ones who has all the money
and all the powe
and they the ones that gets last laugh
at the reunions.
You wanna be one of them, don't ya?
You needs to stop takin' the easy way outs!
Cause we need your votes,
and your hairstylings, and...
and your fashion sense,
cause God knows I don't wake up lookin' this purty.
That's for damn sure.
And all y'all bullies out there...
If bein' queer was such a choice,
than riddle you this...
I wanna know what age you was
when you mentally turned down peckers.
If you think homosexual is a choice,
than that means that you chose to be heterosexual
and Buffy, stop it!
Get on outta here.
You're ruinin' my thing!
Lemme start over again.
And moreforth, you had to choose between two things,
and in French, 'two' is bi.
So you just admitted to bein' a bisexual.
You just come out of the closet
as bein' half-queer.
So how do you like that?
Well, now y'all know sometimes I takes letters,
but tonight I'm gonna be talkin'
about one of my drankin' buddies-
Well, he ain't exactly a drankin' buddy.
He more of like...
...one of them kinda buddies.
He gots some hates mail
from his own flesh and blood.
Now I got to tell y'all.
If you's family, and you can't tell
somebody in your family is gay,
than there's something wrong with your perception
and you need to put down the goddamn Kool-Aid
and open your narrow eyes.
"Who cares about seven to ten to twelve percent
of the population?"
Well for fuck sakes,
that's a lot of goddamn people!
Can't you count?
I think it's more like twenty when you think of all them
mega-church pastors and do some of them
'hail mary' priestesses.
I mean, cause...
I'm a Christian, but I don't-
I don't really like church.
I'm a gay friendly.
If somebody bullies you, you just say,
"Hey! I'm rubber and you glue,
and if you hate on me again,
I'm gonna come back here
with a whole gang full of queers
and we are gonna FUCK your head up sideways
with sticks and stones.
Shit, half them bullies
gonna end up queerer
than a three dollar beer anyway.
That's How I Seize It.