Here's a sneak peak at the Carpet Brothers which will be on Funny or Die Presents this Friday at midnight. Tune in to HBO to watch.
- April 21, 2010
- 210k Views
April 21, 2010
Radio Announcer: Some sad news today. Brock Raylon, famed owner of the Carpet Galaxy, has died.
The shot cuts to Tim Meadows, Bob Dassie and Marc Evan Jackson sitting
on a couch. Nicky Whelan is sitting across from them in a chair.
Bob Dassie: You'll have to forgive us, ma'am. We just lost our father.
The shot cuts to Will Ferrell in a long, blonde wig and Sixties style
tuxedo walking with an attractive woman through a party. The shot
freezes and the following text appears: Grant Measum Motelier/Night Club
Nicky Whelan (voiceover): Grant Measum is seriously considering...
Shot cuts back to the living room.
Nicky Whelan: ...re-carpeting 70% of his motels and nightclubs.
The shot cuts back to the party where Nicky Whelan, Tim Meadows, Bob Dassie and Marc Evan Jackson approach Will Ferrell.
Nicky Whelan: Mr. Measum, hi, I'm Sandos.
Will Ferrell: Please, call me Grant. Mr. Measum is my husband.
The shot cuts to Will Ferrell appearing on television. He is shown holding a pipe.
Will Ferrell: Let me answer your question by saying that, yes, it is an incredible feat that I've accomplished.
The shot cuts to Matt Lucas, who is interviewing Will Ferrell on the television show.
Matt Lucas: I didn't ask a question.
The shot cuts to a short montage of clips showing David Spade. The montage ends with David Spade sitting at a table.
David Spade: I'm going to buy Carpet Galaxy. It's like Monopoly. You
have Baltic Avenue. I have Boardwalk. I'm gonna fucking eat your shit
The shot cuts back to the party where David Spade, with an attractive woman on his arm, has joined Will Ferrell.
David Spade: Ah, I see you've met the carpet snoozers.
David Spade folds his hands next to his face and mimics sleeping.
Bob Dassie: Who's that? Your daughter?
David Spade: Nice try. That's my daughter's friend.
There is a montage sequence of clips showing Nicky Whelan, Tim Meadows,
Bob Dassie and Marc Evan Jackson in a variety of settings. The shot cuts
back to the party.
Will Ferrell (pointing): Is that silk?
Tim Meadows: It's actually silg.
Will Ferrell: I'm not familiar with silg.
Marc Evan Jackson: It's a metacian silk. It's from Madagascar.
Will Ferrell: I've heard of silge.
Marc Evan Jackson: No. No, no. That's different. That's from Canada.
The shot cuts to Bob Dassie, Tim Meadows and Marc Evan Jackson each
taking a shot of liquor. The shot then cuts to Will Ferrell, Nicky
Whelan and David Spading leaning down to look at something. There is a
brief montage of clips showing a police car and Tim Meadows being walked
along in handcuffs. The shot then cuts to a set of mug shots for Tim
Meadows, Bob Dassie and Marc Evan Jackson. The shot then cuts to the
word VIEWPOINT scrolling up the screen. The shot then cuts to Will
Ferrell being interviewed by Matt Lucas. Will Ferrell is lighting his
Matt Lucas: How long have you smoked for?
Will Ferrell: Today is my first day. I think teaching children to smoke teaches them responsibility.
Matt Lucas: Absolutely.
Will Ferrell: Because you're playing with fire, effectively.
There is another brief montage if clips showing Nicky Whelan and David
Spade. The shot then cuts to a splitscreen with Tim Meadows (and the
name SKIP appearing below him) on one side and a business card that
reads Skip Spence Raylon Carpet Galaxy on the other side. The shot cuts
to Tim Meadows talking with a hostess at the party.
Tim Meadows: What's a beautiful young lady like you doing in this (he looks around), well, high-end, exclusive party?
The shot then cuts to a splitscreen with Marc Evan Jackson (and the name
Xavier appearing below him) on one side and a business card that reads
Xavier Montrose Raylon Carpet Galaxy on the other side.
The shot cuts to Marc Evan Jackson, Tim Meadows and Bob Dassie standing on a dock with Nicky Whelan.
Marc Evan Jackson: What you're looking at here comes from the Before Sundown Gentleman's Mt. Vestsuvius Collection.
Marc Evan Jackson adjusts his vest. The shot then cuts to a splitscreen
with Bob Dassie (and the name Paul appearing below him) on one side and a
business card that reads Paul Samwell Smith Raylon Carpet Galaxy on the
other side. The shot cuts to Marc Evan Jackson, Tim Meadows and Bob
Dassie standing on a porch.
Bob Dassie: Look, if you're not on our side, then you're not on our side.
The shot cuts to a split-screen showing Marc Evan Jackson, Tim Meadows
and Bob Dassie. The bottom portion of the screen shows a background of
carpet and text that reads: Carpet Bros. The shot cuts back to Nicky
Whelan sitting in the living room with Tim Meadows, Bob Dassie and Marc
Nicky Whelan: If Raymond Davies Allen takes over Carpet Galaxy there'll
be more bloodshed than World War II and Vietnam combined.
Bob Dassie: I don't know about that.
Marc Evan Jackson: Seems kind of high.
Tim Meadows: Those killed a lot of people.
Nicky Whelan: Well, there will be a lot.
The shot cuts to the following credits:
Marc Evan Jackson
Written & Directed By
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