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A sneak peak at Funny Or Die's first ever web-only mini-movie. "The Smallest Co%k In... more »
Published November 12, 2008 320k views More Info ยป
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Directed by John Knecht and Don Shelford.Produced by Scot Armstrong, Ravi Nandeen and John Thorpe. Written by Seth Morris. Starring: Adam McKay, Rob Corddry, Paul Scheer, Mary Lynn Rajskub, Brian Huskey, John Ross Bowie, Jamie Denbo, Jason Mantzoukas and Seth Morris.
4,370 Funny Votes
2,961 Die Votes
324,803 Views
Published November 12, 2008

Don Dolmes: I think of myself as a explorer, you know? I'm sort of the, I'm the Cortez of pu**y.

[Music Playing]

Announcer: Don Dolmes was the highest grossing adult film actor of the late eighties.

Dan Healy: He single-handedly changed the landscape of human sexuality.

Captain Colonel: This guy's co%k was small. You know how you look at an Orca whale and you're like 'oh the eye is where the white spot is' and then you go up and you're like, it's not an eye, it's actually over here. That's what his co%k was like.

Brad Jarvis: It was absurdly small.

[Moaning]

Don Dolmes: Can you feel that co%k in your sweet little a*s?!

Porn Starlet: No, not at all!

Brad Jarvis: It was like a squirrel's toenail.

Announcer: Between the summer of nineteen eighty-three and the fall of nineteen eighty-six, Dolmes made over two thousand movies.

[Music Playing]

Captain Colonel: The most predictable part of any kind of star is the fall.

Ted Shells: He claims to have the smallest co%k in porno, which we all know turned out to be a falsehood.

Don Dolmes: No! Fu**ing idiot! I'm sick of this sh*t!

Ryan French: They took everything away from Don.

Brad Jarvis: He went down this whole dark path.

Captain Colonel: He was just shipwrecked.

Don Dolmes: Fu*k that. Let's go get some pu**y.

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