Carol of the Jingle Belch (Christmas Holiday X-mas New Years Songs)
JEWS! Stressed about that Christmas Party you were invited to? Oy Vey! We have the answer. Follow these steps and you'll fit in like a real GOY.
- December 19, 2016
- 304 Views
Written & Produced by Chris Newcome and Benny Spiewak
In order of appearance:
Benny Spiewak (https://www.instagram.com/bennysp)
Paige Diaz (https://www.instagram.com/PaigeDiaz/)
Shannon Leigh (https://www.instagram.com/ShannonLeig...)
Nigam Shah (https://www.instagram.com/nigam.shah)
Chris Newcome (https://www.instagram.com/coolhandnuke)
and introducing Buddha the French Bulldog (https://www.instagram.com/AskBuddha)
Director/Director of Photography: Dale Allen
Sound: Bruce Beacom (http://m.imdb.com/name/nm1737357/)
Voiceover: Jamie Alexander
Music (We do not own the music rights or claim any rights to them):
Lachaim Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
Seeburg background music record, 1950's instrumental (1B)
YouTube User: drh4683
December 19, 2016
VO: Christmas parties can be scary for Jewish boys and girls. But Christmas parties are just like Hanukah parties -
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with quieter people. Follow these steps and you'll fit in like a pair of khakis in church.
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Step 1: Don’t Panic. You got this.
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Hostess: Come on in. I’m so glad you made it. Hi.
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Hostess: Everyone this is Ben. Ben, this is everyone.
Ben: Hey everybody.
Offscreen: Welcome, Ben.
Hostess: Oh, alright.
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VO: Step 2: Don’t be afraid of small talk. Goyim love small talk.
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Ben: Hey. Did you guys know the Jews didn’t kill Jesus? It’s in a book by Pope Benedict.
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VO: Uh, try smaller talk.
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Ben: Eggs Benedict. Eggs Benedict is my favorite brunch food.
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Hostess: Oooh. Brunch. Oh yeah, I love brunch.
Ben: You guys know brunch, right?
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Hostess: Yeah, day drinking, y’know?
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Hostess: Oh my that is a very Jewish sweate
Ben: Oh, my mom got it for me.
Hostess: Of course she did.
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VO: Step 3: Always bring a gift for the host. Especially when they say not to.
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Hostess: Ben, I said no gifts.
Ben: I know, but it’s not a party without Shtunk’s brand gefilte fish.
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Hostess: Thank you for this.
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VO: Oh, Ben. Consider a gift that won’t scare the gentiles.
Ben: I brought fake money.
Host: Chocolate! Yes.
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VO: Step 4: Try new foods…in moderation.
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You already know to stay away from ham, but look out for eggnog. Your family has a history of high cholesterol. You don’t want to end up dead like Uncle Marty.
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Ben: Oh, no thanks. My Uncle Marty died from eating too much cream cheese.
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VO: And don’t mention dead relatives.
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Ben: Y’know what? I’m gonna have half a cup. In memory of my dead Uncle Marty. L’chaim!
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VO: Oops. You mentioned dead Marty again.
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Ben: Uh, I’m gonna skip it.
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VO: Step 5: Embrace ancient Christian traditions. Like Secret Santa.
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Courtney: Yay! Should I go first?
Courtney: Awesome. Oooh. It’s a DVD.
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Of Schindler’s list.
Ben: Yeah! Check out the back!
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Courtney: It’s signed by Stephen Spielberg.
Ben: And, my Bubby. She was there.
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Courtney: Oh. Thanks. Thanks.
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Ben: Your welcome.
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Hostess: Did you guys see the new sweater I got Buddha? It’s so cute.
Let’s play another game.
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I’ve got a dreidel. Ben, do you? Ben, teach us how to play. Come on.
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Ben: There are no rules. You just spin it until everyone gets bored.
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VO: Don’t share our secrets. Make it up!
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It’s an ancient game based on a Kabbalistic meditation that while all this mishegas is spinning around us, it’s important to stay centered.
(group is impressed)
Check it out.
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VO: What a spin!
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(music plays, group cheers)
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(music slows, group cheers less)
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(music slows more, group is quiet)
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Ben: Well, I think we’re bored.
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Christian: Yeah. We’re bored.
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(group says goodbyes)
VO: Well done, Ben. You did it! That wasn’t so scary after all.
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Ben: Oh, thank God that’s over!
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VO: Happy Hanukah!
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Ben: It’s Chanukah. Chanukah. It’s C-H. There’s a chet. It’s Chanukah. Why can’t anyone say this?
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You think they suddenly they cut off your foreskin and then you can say ‘CH’? This is ridiculous! JESUS!
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Hostess: Ben, is everything ok out here?
Ben: Yeah. All good.
Ben: Thank you so much. Have a good night.
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VO: Make sure to come back next time, when we discuss New Year’s Eve. The binge-drinking Rosh Hashanah.