Hobosexuality in America

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alexluria

Editor

Rob Getzschman

Director

Noam Bleiweiss

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I have a lovely wife. Four children. I’m an attorney. - But nobody knows that I am… this way. - I’m a closeted hobosexual. - I… would like to believe that there’s hope For me. I’m going to see a therapist tomorrow. 2 - INT. BRIGHTER HAPPIER LIVING ROOM – DAY A sensitive, likeable & stylish man on his couch is interviewed with a cup of hot tea. OUT & PROUD MAN I was made fun of. Beaten up. My parents even disowned me. So I tried to keep it a secret. - Until I just had to say to the world, This is who I am. I am a— Camera switches from to a two shot, revealing a homeless man sitting lovingly next to Out & Proud Man, with a garbage bag separating him from the couch. OUT & PROUD MAN Hobosexual. - And this is my partner… The homeless partner, quite genteel, removes his tattered hat and introduces himself: KNUCKLES Knuckles McGee. At your service. OUT & PROUD MAN (re: rustling plastic underneath Knuckles) Well this is just, you know. Cuz of Lice and… KNUCKLES That time of year. (whispers) Street Fever. OUT & PROUD (affirming) Sometimes he just has these… episodes. Outbreaks. 3 - INT. WEHO RESTAURANT – DAY An over the top flamboyant, WeHo Queen, sips a cosmo. WEHO QUEEN I can’t get enough. Morning, noon And night, all I want is more. - Just a big ol’ hobosexual! - It’s not a Choice! It’s who you are! We are all over the world! 4 - INT. MOSQUE – DAY An Imam sits in full regalia. IMAM What is this Hobosexual? We do not have this phenomenon, I don't know who has told you that we have it. Then an “Arabic-style” Hobo walks behind the Imam. IMAM (in Arabic) Schhh! Back in your cage! (in English, to Cameraman) The red light means it’s off, right? 5 - INT. CAR – DAY Out & Proud man and Knuckles drive. Silent. Nervous. Knuckles does various, yet to be described, hobo activities in the car. OUT & PROUD MAN So today we are going to my mom’s house. First time in years. She’s never met knuckles. - But… She says after she left my dad that she’s Gotten more in touch with herself. Opened her mind. - So I’m hoping maybe things will be different. (chokes up again) But I just don’t want to get hurt again. Knuckles hands him a dirty rag to wipe his tears. OUT & PROUD MAN Thanks sweetie. Here we are. Car comes to a stop. They are both confused as they consult their directions & GPS – then look outside. OUT & PROUD MAN That’s strange… it says this is the place. 6 - EXT. MOM’S “HOUSE” – DAY It’s really an alley between a house and a restaurant, but we shoot in a way that doesn’t reveal that yet. The car doors open. Out & Proud Man and knuckles get out. OUT & PROUD MAN I thought you people had a perfect Sense of direction! KNUCKLES (hurt) What do you mean “You people”? MOM’S VOICE (O.S.) My baby! I missed you so much! PAN TO REVEAL: Mom is a hobo, and her house is a box in this alley! She runs to hug the two men. OUT & PROUD MAN Mom!? MOM (Hugging Knuckles, then her son) It’s like I have a second son! 7 - INT. CLINIC – DAY Weho queen is going to get an exam. Looks slightly disheveled, as his faghag roommate cares for him. WEHO QUEEN This morning my roommate found me trying To escape from the apartment… ROOMATE He just… he kept saying “good bye… good bye…” Cut to: A doctor checks WeHo Queen’s vitals. DOCTOR So… Would you say you’ve been feeling wanderlust? WEHO QUEEN Yes… Is that bad?? Cut to: DOCTOR Well, it’s not good… Let’s start with your vitals. Doctor retrieves instrument(thermometer, blood pressure device) from cabinet and as he turns back around, WeHo Queen has magically found a “beggar’s” sign that says: “Why Lie? I’ll use it for beer.” DOCTOR Oh no. This is much worse that I thought. Cut To: DOCTOR So these ‘urges’ you keep mentioning… If they persist, You have to promise me you’ll use a bindle. Cut To: WeHo Queen is leaving. ROOMATE Is there a cure for street fever? DOCTOR No. You just have to outlast it. Make sure to stay away from boxcars, drum circles Styrofoam cups… And you should out make it through. WeHo Queen But then how do I feel alive, doc! Alive!? Roomate consoles WeHo. A moment. 8 - EXT. THERAPIST’S OFFICE - DAY Shamed man smokes a cigarette and paces. SHAMED MAN This is scary. I’m afraid to go in there. Yeah. I just want to go home. SHAMED MAN I don’t think I can do this. SHAMED MAN’S AMOROUS HOBO FRIEND (O.S.) Hey, baby is that you!? You don’t write! You don’t call! What’s Up with the camera? SHAMED MAN Oh no – I know that guy. Let’s go that way. Quick, quick. We run away, and the video gets wobbly ala Blair Witch. Cut To: 9 - EXT. THERAPIST’S OFFICE – DAY Shamed man is hiding around the corner of a building, breathing hard. SHAMED MAN I knew it. This was a horrible idea. I shouldn’t have done this. 10 - - INT. BRIGHTER HAPPIER LIVING ROOM – EVENING Out & Proud Man watches Knuckles gather his belongings. OUT & PROUD MAN This afternoon at my mom’s was perfect… But every so often the fever comes back. He’s leaving. KNUCKLES Not leaving. I’m a-rambling. Cut To: Parting is such sweet sorrow… Knuckles walks away with his bindle. Out & Proud watches. Knuckles turns back & tips his hat. KNUCKLES Fare ye well, sayonara, shalom… OUT & PROUD MAN He’ll come back… He always does. 11 - INT. INTERVIEW ROOM – EVENING SHAMED MAN I guess I’m just gonna have to live with this… That’s it. No more cameras guys. I’m done. Turn ‘em off. Screen goes black.