The video opens with a shot of Thomas Lennon and Ben Garant sitting in an Ebert and Roeper style theater. There is a screen behind them showing the following text: Funny or Die Exclusive.
Thomas Lennon and Ben Garant (singing): Funny or Die at the Movies. Today!
Ben Garant: Hi, I'm Ben Garant...
Thomas Lennon: and Thomas Lennon...
Ben Garant: ...and we have a real treat for you today.
Thomas Lennon: This week on Funny or Die at the Movies, Reno 911 the XXX Parody.
The shot cuts to a graphic of a badge with police lights flashing behind it. The following text appears on the badge: Reno 911 a XXX Parody. The shot then cuts to a montage of shots showing the city of Reno and porn stars in costumes parodying the Reno 911 cast. The shot cuts back to Thomas Lennon and Ben Garant.
Ben Garant: It's really got everything you want in a movie like this. Which is comedy, improv chops, and people fucking the shit out of each other on tables.
Thomas Lennon: If you like Reno 911, Robert, and I think we all do...
Ben Garant: We all do.
Thomas Lennon: ...and you've sat there thinking, I like it...
Ben Garant: ...I like the show...
Thomas Lennon: ...it's funny...
Ben Garant: ...it's good...
Thomas Lennon: ...when's a 10, 11 inch cock going to come out and pound somebody?
Ben Garant: When are they going to triple team Deputy Kimball?
The shot cuts to three porn stars in deputy uniforms making out and undressing. The shot cuts back to Thomas Lennon and Ben Garant.
Thomas Lennon: You know, Robert, a lot of things lately have tried to do this style, which is sort of the Waiting for Guffman...
Ben Garant: ...faux documentary, slice of life...
Thomas Lennon (nodding): ...faux documentary, slice of life. Exactly. And I think it's harder than it looks.
The shot cuts to a group of porn stars in Reno 911 style uniforms sitting around a conference table having a meeting.
Ben Garant (voiceover): Creating the ease and flow of character in front of the camera is, I think, deceptively difficult.
The shot cuts back to Thomas Lennon and Ben Garant.
Ben Garant: Especially when you're going to fuck someone on a table under fluorescent lighting.
Thomas Lennon: Or, eat out there butthole in a city park.
The shot cuts to a man and a woman in a park setting. The man is removing the woman's shorts and kissing her on the butt. The woman is moaning. The shot cuts back to Thomas Lennon and Ben Garant.
Ben Garant: We always felt that our version of Reno 911...
Thomas Lennon: The non-pornography version.
Ben Garant: ...the non-pornography version, was really about unrequited love.
Thomas Lennon: Yes.
Ben Garant: This movie is very requited love. It's requited in people's buttholes. It's requited all over their face. It's requited on their back.
The shot cuts to a male and female porn star in uniform, sitting at the conference table. The female porn star is working on a crossword puzzle.
Female Porn Star: What's a seven-letter word for come over here and fuck me?
Male Porn Star: That's not in the crossword puzzle.
Female Porn Start: Will you just come over here and fuck me?
The shot cuts back to Ben Garant and Thomas Lennon.
Thomas Lennon: You what's one thing that I liked about the XXX version of Reno 911 much more than the zero X version of Reno 911 that we've done, is how much I can jack off to it.
The shot cuts to a split-screen. On the left is a brief clip of a male and female porn star. The woman is being undressed. On the right is a brief clip from the Reno 911 show featuring several of the male actors in a locker room in their underwear.
Ben Garant: Yeah. I mean, I think that there are scenes in our show that you can jack off to, but it's hard, because there's commercials for South Park in the middle.
Thomas Lennon: Yeah, or John Stewart and The Daily Show and he's talking about politics.
Ben Garant: John Stewart is talking about politics and it's like, whoa.
The shot cuts to three male porn stars. Two are in police uniforms and one is in a prison uniform.
Police Porn Star #1: Basically what Robby here does is he produces sperm, the old fashioned way...
The prisoner porn start unzips the front of his prison uniform.
Police Porn Star #1: ...and what we do is we collect it and ship it off to the various fertility clinics right here in Reno.
The shot cuts back to Thomas Lennon and Ben Garant.
Thomas Lennon: Here's something that I'm not sure that we've talked about and I'd like to address, which is the fucking.
Ben Garant: As much as we're saying there's fucking in this, there's more fucking in this than you think there's going to be.
Thomas Lennon: Than you even think.
The shot cuts to a male porn star in a prison uniform on a bed with two female porn stars, also in prison uniforms. They are feeling each other up and making out. The shot cuts back to Ben Garant and Thomas Lennon.
Ben Garant: Tons of fucking. Does Kimball fuck Jones and Junior in the morning briefing room?
Thomas Garant: Yes.
A clip shows a female porn star and two male porn stars in the briefing room. The shot cuts back to Ben Garant and Thomas Lennon.
Ben Garant: Does Dangle fuck Wiegle in the morning briefing room?
Thomas Lennon: Yes.
A clip of a male and female porn star in the briefing room is shown. The shot cuts back to Thomas Lennon and Ben Garant.
Ben Garant: Do they all fuck Clemmy in a hotel stakeout? Yes.
Thomas Lennon: Yes.
A black and white clip, shot through a window, of a man and a woman on a bed is shown. The shot cuts back to Ben Garant and Thomas Lennon.
Ben Garant: Does Terry fuck a girl in the park to the asshole?
Thomas Lennon and Ben Garant: Yes.
A clip is shown of a man and a woman in the park. The man is taking off the woman's shirt. The shot cuts back to Thomas Lennon and Ben Garant.
Thomas Lennon: Does Garcia fuck Williams in the booty? Yes.
Ben Garant: Yes.
Thomas Lennon: Spoiler alert. We should have said spoiler alert.
The shot cuts to a male porn star and female porn star in police uniforms on a couch.
Male Porn Star: You know I like my women the way I like my coffee.
Female Porn Star: When it's all hot and dribbling in your lap.
Male Porn Star: Mmmm-hmmmm.
The shot cuts back to Ben Garant and Thomas Lennon who are laughing at the clip.
Thomas Lennon: So, until next time, the balcony is closed, because we'll be masturbating.
Thomas Lennon and Ben Garant unzip their pants and shove a hand inside.
Ben Garant: Hey, little guy. Roll it.
A clip showing two porn stars in the conference room starts to play.
Thomas Lennon: Alright.
Ben Garant (to someone off-camera): Do you have the Friends one? Can you put in the Friends one?
Thomas Lennon: Yeah, can we jack off to the Friends one instead?
Ben Garant: This is kind of freaking me out.
A parody intro to a XXX Friends episode begins to roll.
Thomas Lennon: Oh, hey, the Friends one!
Ben Garant: Oh, yeah!
Thomas Lennon: Come on, Ross.
Ben Garant: Come on, Ross.
The video ends.
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