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Here's an idea: If Sam Jackson is in the movie, maybe your kid shouldn't watch it?
Published September 17, 2013 2.7m views Immortal More Info »
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Starring: Samuel L. Jackson
Also Featuring: Eugene Cordero, D'Arcy Carden, Amy Heidt, Brandon Johnson, Nicole Byer & Ptolomy Slocombe
Director - Zoe Jackson
Producer - Jason Carden
Writer - Dan Klein
Production Coordinator - Hans Sahni
DP - Brian Lane
AC - Ray Lee
Gaffer - Kevin Stewart
Electric - Dave Cronin
Key Grip - Jordan Downey
Grip - Ricky Fosheim
Sound Mixer - Peter Olsted for BoTown Sound
Boom Op - Danny Carpenter
Art - Candy Lopez
Hair/MU - Jessica Leigh Schwartz
Wardrobe - Kelly Walker
PA - Matt Sweeney & Soren Barton
Editor – Caleb Swyers
15,573 Funny Votes
1,241 Die Votes
2,700,340 Views
Published September 17, 2013

[Music Playing]

d'arcy="D'Arcy" carden="Carden": 'Scuse me, um, Mister L. Jackson, I just watched Shaft for the first time.

samuel="Samuel" l.="L." jackson="Jackson": Oh, very cool.

d'arcy="D'Arcy" carden="Carden": Um, you know that part where you say 'it's my duty to please that booty'?

samuel="Samuel" l.="L." jackson="Jackson": Indeed I do. Yes.

d'arcy="D'Arcy" carden="Carden": [Giggles] Um, well, my daughter said it to her principal. And now, she's suspended from school and it's all your fault.

samuel="Samuel" l.="L." jackson="Jackson": Whoa, whoa, whoa. I was just acting in a movie.

d'arcy="D'Arcy" carden="Carden": [beep] you Samuel L. Jackson. [Thwack]

[Music Playing]

amy="Amy" heidt="Heidt": Hey, Samuel L. Jackson! I'm a huge fan! I loved you in Jurassic Park.

samuel="Samuel" l.="L." jackson="Jackson": Well, thanks very much.

amy="Amy" heidt="Heidt": Yeah, except for the fact that you smoke in it and my kid's addicted to cigarettes now, you monster!

samuel="Samuel" l.="L." jackson="Jackson": Hey, hey, a lot of people smoke in movies. I'm not the only one, okay? And, if I'm not mistaken, that's a cigarette, right?

amy="Amy" heidt="Heidt": It's your fault my kid smokes! [beep] you Samuel L. Jackson!

samuel="Samuel" l.="L." jackson="Jackson": Ugh. [Scoffs]

[Music Playing]

eugene="Eugene" cordero="Cordero": Oh, hey, Samuel L. Jackson! Oh man, my son and I just saw you in Coach Carter.

samuel="Samuel" l.="L." jackson="Jackson": Oh, great. Thanks.

eugene="Eugene" cordero="Cordero": Yeah, I mean, it really taught him how to believe in himself.

samuel="Samuel" l.="L." jackson="Jackson": Awesome. Glad I could do that for him.

eugene="Eugene" cordero="Cordero": But, he really SUCKS at basketball, so he should really quit, you know?

eugene="Eugene" cordero="Cordero": And his sense of style is completely off because you played Ordell in Jackie Brown. So, [beep] you Samuel L. Jackson!

eugene="Eugene" cordero="Cordero": Hey, would you mind signing my kids' wallet?

[Music Playing]

brandon="Brandon" johnson="Johnson": It's two dollars. Oh, Hey! You're Samuel L. Jackson! Heh heh.

samuel="Samuel" l.="L." jackson="Jackson": Please, don't start telling me about how my movies have screwed up your kids, okay?

brandon="Brandon" johnson="Johnson": No, actually, I was gonna say you were great in Unbreakable.

samuel="Samuel" l.="L." jackson="Jackson": Well, hey! My man! Thank you!

brandon="Brandon" johnson="Johnson": Too bad my kid's a supervillain that commits heinous crimes for his own sick amusement!

nicole="Nicole" byer="Byer": My son was attacked by a shark because he saw you in Deep Blue Sea.

samuel="Samuel" l.="L." jackson="Jackson": How is that even my fault?

ptolemy="Ptolemy" slocombe="Slocombe": My son is a twenty-two year old son is an overweight nerd living in my basement, because YOU decided to do Star Wars!

brandon="Brandon" johnson="Johnson": Yeah!

eugene="Eugene" cordero="Cordero": And my son has a severe peanut allergy because of you!

brandon="Brandon" johnson="Johnson": My nickname's Gator, and I smoke crack.

samuel="Samuel" l.="L." jackson="Jackson": 'Cause of Jungle Fever?

brandon="Brandon" johnson="Johnson": No, I never saw it. I just like crack.

samuel="Samuel" l.="L." jackson="Jackson": What?

[bell rings]

d'arcy="D'Arcy" carden="Carden": There he is.

samuel="Samuel" l.="L." jackson="Jackson": Hey, hey! You stalking me?

d'arcy="D'Arcy" carden="Carden": I have a son who's in prison because you were in Shawshank Redemption.

samuel="Samuel" l.="L." jackson="Jackson": That wasn't even me! That was Morgan Freeman!

d'arcy="D'Arcy" carden="Carden": Well, [beep] you anyway!

amy="Amy" heidt="Heidt": I got a kid who's an insomniac because you never sleep in your movies.

ptolemy="Ptolemy" slocombe="Slocombe": My three-year-old saw you in Django Unchained, and now she can't stop saying the N word!

samuel="Samuel" l.="L." jackson="Jackson": You let your kid watch Django?!

samuel="Samuel" l.="L." jackson="Jackson": Okay, everybody listen: I know I play some bad dudes in movies, okay?

samuel="Samuel" l.="L." jackson="Jackson": But, if my picture's on the poster, maybe your kid shouldn't watch it!

samuel="Samuel" l.="L." jackson="Jackson": Don't you people read the descriptions of these movies before you show them to your kids? Huh?

nicole="Nicole" byer="Byer": No.

samuel="Samuel" l.="L." jackson="Jackson": Look at the rating!

d'arcy="D'Arcy" carden="Carden": Ratings?

amy="Amy" heidt="Heidt": I forgot.

samuel="Samuel" l.="L." jackson="Jackson": That's YOUR responsibility, not mine! [Sighs]

samuel="Samuel" l.="L." jackson="Jackson": Thank you very much. Get some help for that crack problem, man.

brandon="Brandon" johnson="Johnson": Oh. Yeah.

samuel="Samuel" l.="L." jackson="Jackson": See? I can be a mother [beep] role model.

[Music Playing]

samuel="Samuel" l.="L." jackson="Jackson": To find ratings and recommendations of age-appropriate movies,

samuel="Samuel" l.="L." jackson="Jackson": even Samuel L. Jackson movies, go to common sense dot org.

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