Starring: Samuel L. Jackson Also Featuring: Eugene Cordero, D'Arcy Carden, Amy Heidt, Brandon Johnson, Nicole Byer & Ptolomy Slocombe Director - Zoe Jackson Producer - Jason Carden Writer - Dan Klein Production Coordinator - Hans Sahni DP - Brian Lane AC - Ray Lee Gaffer - Kevin Stewart Electric - Dave Cronin Key Grip - Jordan Downey Grip - Ricky Fosheim Sound Mixer - Peter Olsted for BoTown Sound Boom Op - Danny Carpenter Art - Candy Lopez Hair/MU - Jessica Leigh Schwartz Wardrobe - Kelly Walker PA - Matt Sweeney & Soren Barton Editor – Caleb Swyers
D'Arcy Carden: 'Scuse me, um, Mister L. Jackson,
D'Arcy Carden: I just watched Shaft for
the first time.
Samuel L. Jackson: Oh, very cool.
D'Arcy Carden: Um, you know that part where you say,
D'Arcy Carden: 'it's my duty to please that booty'?
Samuel L. Jackson: Indeed I do. Yes.
D'Arcy Carden: [Giggles] Um, well, my daughter said it to
D'Arcy Carden: And now, she's suspended from school and
it's all your fault.
Samuel L. Jackson: Whoa, whoa, whoa. I was just acting in a movie.
D'Arcy Carden: [beep] you Samuel L. Jackson.
Amy Heidt: Hey, Samuel L. Jackson! I'm a huge fan!
I loved you in Jurassic Park.
Samuel L. Jackson: Well, thanks very much.
Amy Heidt: Yeah, except for the fact that you smoke in it,
Amy Heidt: and my kid's addicted to cigarettes
now, you monster!
Samuel L. Jackson: Hey, hey, a lot of people smoke in movies.
I'm not the only one, okay?
Samuel L. Jackson: And, if I'm not mistaken,
that's a cigarette, right?
Amy Heidt: It's your fault my kid smokes!
[beep] you Samuel L. Jackson!
Samuel L. Jackson: Ugh. [Scoffs]
Eugene Cordero: Oh, hey, Samuel L. Jackson!
Eugene Cordero: Oh man, my son and I just saw
you in Coach Carter.
Samuel L. Jackson: Oh, great. Thanks.
Eugene Cordero: Yeah, I mean, it really taught him
how to believe in himself.
Samuel L. Jackson: Awesome. Glad I could do that for him.
Eugene Cordero: But, he really sucks at basketball,
Eugene Cordero: so he should really quit, you know?
Eugene Cordero: And his sense of style is completely
off because you played Ordell
Eugene Cordero: in Jackie Brown.
So, [beep] you Samuel L. Jackson!
Eugene Cordero: Hey, would you mind signing
my kids' wallet?
Brandon Johnson: It's two dollars. Oh, Hey!
You're Samuel L. Jackson! Heh heh.
Samuel L. Jackson: Please, don't start telling me about how my
movies have screwed up your kids, okay?
Brandon Johnson: No, actually, I was gonna say you
were great in Unbreakable.
Samuel L. Jackson: Well, hey! My man! Thank you!
Brandon Johnson: Too bad my kid's a supervillain
that commits heinous
Brandon Johnson: crimes for his own sick amusement!
Nicole Byer: My son was attacked by a shark because
he saw you in Deep Blue Sea.
Samuel L. Jackson: How is that even my fault?
Ptolemy Slocombe: My son is a twenty-two year old son is
an overweight nerd
Ptolemy Slocombe: living in my basement, because you
decided to do Star Wars!
Brandon Johnson: Yeah!
Eugene Cordero: And my son has a severe peanut allergy because of you!
Brandon Johnson: My nickname's Gator, and I smoke crack.
Samuel L. Jackson: 'Cause of Jungle Fever?
Brandon Johnson: No, I never saw it.
I just like crack.
Samuel L. Jackson: What?
D'Arcy Carden: There he is.
Samuel L. Jackson: Hey, hey! You stalking me?
D'Arcy Carden: I have a son who's in prison because you
were in Shawshank Redemption.
Samuel L. Jackson: That wasn't even me!
That was Morgan Freeman!
D'Arcy Carden: Well, [beep] you anyway!
Amy Heidt: I got a kid who's an insomniac because
you never sleep in your movies.
Ptolemy Slocombe: My three-year-old saw you in Django Unchained,
and now she can't stop saying the N word!
Samuel L. Jackson: You let your kid watch Django?!
Samuel L. Jackson: Okay, everybody listen. I know I play some
bad dudes in movies, okay?
Samuel L. Jackson: But, if my picture's on the poster,
maybe your kid shouldn't watch it!
Samuel L. Jackson: Don't you people read the
descriptions of these movies
Samuel L. Jackson: before you show them to
your kids? Huh?
Nicole Byer: No.
Samuel L. Jackson: Look at the rating!
D'Arcy Carden: Ratings?
Amy Heidt: I forgot.
Samuel L. Jackson: That's your responsibility,
not mine! [Sighs]
Samuel L. Jackson: Thank you very much. Get some help for
that crack problem, man.
Brandon Johnson: Oh. Yeah.
Samuel L. Jackson: See? I can be a mother [beep] role model.
Samuel L. Jackson: To find ratings and recommendations of
Samuel L. Jackson: even Samuel L. Jackson movies, go to
(Funny or Die ending jingle)