How I Seize It #60: "Don't Say Gay"

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How I Seize It

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Hey!
I got some more folks out there
pickin' on my queer friends again,
so I'm gonna have to expose some more hate-mongrels.
BTW-
Thsnky for takin time out of your no doubt
fascinating life to lean your ear ove
Loretta Jenkin way for another
healthy helpin' of How I Seize It.
Now, I realize not every state
can be the epicenter of social liberism
as Arkansas known for,
but goddamn Tennessee?
What's wrong with you monkey-hatin' idgits?
Bad as about half of y'all are
at the English language,
last thing you need to be do
is be bannin' a word as easy to spell as gay!
Why not ban words like...
Homelessness.
Or cancer.
Or-
(HONK!)
Sorry!
Sorry, I knowed I's supposed to say
(HONK!)
...word there instead,
but I care about these inadequecies...
Why you think I bitch so much?
I mean fuck!
Now, you might could tell by now
that I takes up for my faggit brothers
and lezzie sisters out there,
cause once you make a queer your friend,
you got somebody watch your backdoor for life!
Especially if they from the South
cause that's the land of cotton and hatred.
Hell, most of my faggit buddies
would kill for me if i asked.
My drankin' buddy Dale,
he like a 'Spokes-Gay' out there in Hollyweird.
He escaped his southen shackles
and got outta that 'Land a' Crazies.'
And he be leadin' the charge against this C.H.I.R.P.:
Closet,
Homophobe,
Idgit,
Redneck Politician,
Stacey Campfield over there in Knoxville.
Yeah, yeah he probably keep his cocksuckin'
on the downlow-
Like they old mayor Vicker Ashe...
Out there at the Scottish Inn off Chapman Highway...
...back in the day?
Yeah...
Yeah, I used to own a trailer park back there,
so I got my inside tracks on the local lore.
Hell, the main street in downtown Knoxville
is called Gay Street!
What you gonna do?
Call it "_______" Street?
And let me just point out...
Uhh...Stacey, is it?
Hey darlin'.
It ain't no wonder you hate the gays
cause your name queere
than a creme brulee dildo.
Let's just fix the real problem
and we'll just get folks to call you
Butch or Manly,
cause your name couldn't be
more gayer lessen it was
'Count Cocksucka of the Buttfuckin' District.'
(laughs)
Let me just point out here that
Miss Stacey won't even debates my man Dale
on this 'Don't Say Gay' bill-
On how much it hurts little queers
to not have no safe place to talk.
Cause in the South,
they's only two places:
Church and home.
And them ain't safe places most times...
So don't you try to say that this shit
is helpin' help kids,
cause that is just real, real
'r-worded' of you.
Hey Asshole!
You attack my peoples with your
legislative hater monger,
bet your ass that I will stand up and fights you!
And if you don't lay off my peoples
you better sooner and later watch your back
cause I just might have a dirt road in Wyoming
that'll have your name on it.
Caprice?
That Queen Campy-Douche said he
he ain't even gonna debate my friend
unless he get a 'speaker-fee'
about a thousan dollars.
Yeah, he a Pullican
in case I ain't made that point
clear in my story so fars.
Money-Hungry-Bag-Of-Hate-Turds...
Now I hate to keep comin' back to this,
but y'all, if his parents seen him
jecked out of his momma's dingy downstairs,
and seen anything that even
RESEMBLE
a pecke
and STILL name him STACEY???
Uhh...
Oooh! Oooh!
Why don't we just go ahead and replace
that word 'gay' with 'stacey?'
Okay for sample,
let me just use it in a sentence.
It's like, uhh...
Hey! Hey!
"Suckin' dick really make a dude look 'stacey.'"
Or, or, or...
"You better be careful if you go to prison,
cause they might be this
big mondingo mother fucke
ready to take you into the showe
and do all kinds of 'stacey' things to you."
Well, genius...
What's our new word?
All the words we already use
already mean something else already.
How about...
...'floopnard'?
Is floopnard a word already?
Y'all think I can get that word to catch on?
Floopnard?
Just get onto matters that matters to ALL peoples.
They ain't but a sliver of folks
thinks being gay bad nomore.
If luck'll have it,
most of them be dead in about the next ten to twenty,
so who the fuck cares about them?
That's How I Seize It.