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Published April 29, 2014 170k views Immortal More Info »
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Starring: Jonathan Van Ness
Featuring: Brad Goreski
Directed by Erin Gibson
Written by Erin Gibson and Jeffrey Self
Producer Matt Mazany and Ross Buran
DP - Cristina Dunlap
Editor - John Ford
Assistant Editor - Leann Bowen
Camera Operator - Aaron Ulrich
Sound Mixer - Ryan Kaiser
Production Designer - Flower Cole

1

HI BRAD.

2

HI JONATHAN.

3

DID YOU WATCH GAME
OF THRONES LAST NIGHT?

4

DID JENNIFER LAWRENCE WEAR CHRISTIAN
DIOR TO EVERY SINGLE

5

RED CARPET THIS AWARDS SEASON?

6

THANK GOD! SHE LOOKS FABULOUS.

7

I KNOW RIGHT, GIRL!

8

(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)

9

SO AT THE BEGINNING YOU HAD
CHRISTINA AGUILERA POLYAMOUROUS

10

GO UP AND EXPLAIN TO BABY
BARACK OBAMA HOW TO SPEEK ENGLISH--

11

OH YEAH, AND THEN BABY BARACK OBAMA
AND THE SLAVES LIKE

12

BROKE INTO THIS CASTLE THINGY
AND I ACTUALLY THOUGHT THAT THEY

13

JUST STARTED PLAYING THE BEGINNING
OF MADONNA'S

14

EXPRESS YOURSELF VIDEO--

15

(JONATHAN): AND THE TURBINES ARE GOING TO START GOING.

16

YEAH, AND THE GUYS IN THE RIPPED
JEANS ARE GOING TO COME WITH THE CHAINS.

17

(JONATHAN): CHRISTINA WAS SUCH A BUSY
BEE THIS WEEK. SHE HAD SUCH A LIST

18

OF THINGS TO DO.

19

SHE HAD TO GIVE THE SLAVES SWORDS.

20

SHE HAD TO GIVE YOU LIKE ANGELINA
JOLIE MEETS PRINCES DI REALNESS.

21

AND THEN SHE HAD TO CRUCIFY
ALL THE SLAVE MASTERS--

22

(BRAD): ALL WHILE GIVING YOU PRINCESS BRIDE HAIR.

23

I HATE THEIR LANGUAGE
MORE THAN ANYTHING.

24

IT SEEMS LIKE THIS REALLY WEIRD
HYBRID BETWEEN LIKE WINTER

25

FELT TONGUE, AND LIKE SLYTHERIN TALK
FROM HARRY POTTER, WHERE

26

IT'S ALL LIKE, SHAA-SA-VOR-RI-AH

27

(INTERPOSING VOICES)

28

(FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

29

AND THEN I WONDER WHAT THEY'RE THINKING
IN THEIR HEAD LIKE,

30

OH I FORGOT TO DO MY KEGELS--
SA-PA...

31

(FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

32

SO THEN IT WAS LIKE SOMS WAS ON
THE MOTHER FUCKING BOAT--

33

-(BRAD): WHO CARES.
-(JONATHAN): NEXT.

34

SO BLONDE CHER IS GETTING LIT,
AND SHE'S GIVING US OUR FULL

35

AUGUST OSAGE COUNTY.

36

OUR POOR LITTLE BROTHER.

37

HE'D KILL US ALL IF HE COULD.

38

DID YOU NOTICE THAT EVEN THE
BLONDE CHER IS FEELING TOTALLY

39

DOWN. SHE WENT ON A BIG STATEMENT
COCKTAIL RING ON HER

40

INDEX FINGER. I LOVE THAT JOAN
RIVERS QVC WINTER FALL COLLECTION.

41

(JONATHAN): SO THEN MARGAERY IS LIKE
A REVERSE WOODY ALLEN TO THAT

42

POOR TOMMEN, BECAUSE MARGAERY'S
GOT LIKE THOSE PREDATOR EYE BROWS

43

BECAUSE LIKE THEY'RE TOO FAR APART, AND WOODY ALLEN KIND OF

44

HAS THAT TOO. BECAUSE NOTHING SAYS
LIKE CREEPY PEDOPHILE MORE

45

THAN LIKE A THIN MINGEY BROW. AND
THEN YOU GOT TILDA AND BROTHER D

46

HAVING THEIR FULL ON BODY GUARD
MOMENT EXCEPT FOR IN THIS CASE

47

TILDA IS KEVIN COSTNER, AND
BROTHER D IS WHITNEY.

48

(MUSIC PLAYS, "I WILL ALWAYS
LOVE YOU" BY WHITNEY HOUSTON)

49

SO THEN THE BROOD OF THE BENEDICT
ARNOLD TAKE THAT POOR

50

BABY BOY TO LIKE OFFER IT MAYAN
STYLE TO THE WHITE WALKERS,

51

BUT THEN BRANDON THE WINTER FALL
SPICE GIRL, YOU KNOW BECAUSE

52

(JONATHAN): HODOR IS SCARY.

53

(BRAD): BRAN IS BABY.

54

(JONATHAN): CURLEY IS WHORE D.

55

(BRAD): THE BLONDE KID IS POSH,

56

(JONATHAN): AND THERE IS NO GINGER,
BECAUSE THIS IS AFTER THE FUCKING

57

BREAKUP.

58

(BRAD): OF COURSE.

59

(JONATHAN): AND THEN THEY
GO INTO THIS CABIN, AND THEN THERE IS LIKE

60

A FULL BLOWN EPILEPTIC SEIZURE.

61

(BRAD): THAT WHOLE THING REMINDED ME

62

OF DEGRASSI JUNIOR HIGH WHEN CAITLIN
ENDED UP HAVING A

63

SEIZURE IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY, AND
HER PARENTS HAD TO COME

64

AND PICK HER UP.

65

CAITLIN STOP IT.

66

(JONATHAN): SO THEN AT THE VERY END
THE WHITE WALKER GOES TO RETRIEVE

67

THAT POOR BABY, AND TAKES HIM
BACK TO THE WHITE WALKER CAMP.

68

HE TOUCHES THEM WITH HIS
BAD GAL RIRI ACRYLIC POINTY NAIL, AND

69

TURNS THE BABY INTO A BABY WHITE
WALKER, WHICH I KNEW THAT WAS

70

COMING.

71

NEXT WEEK, I THINK BLONDE CHER, AND
CHRISTINA AGUILERA ARE

72

FINALLY GOING TO MEET FACE TO
FACE, AND REALIZE THEY HAVE

73

THE SAME HAIRCUT. THEREFORE THE
SAME HAIR DRESSER, AND THERE'S

74

GOING TO BE A MAJOR BRAID-OFF.

75

(JONATHAN): THOSE ARE TWO BAD
BITCHES THAT WILL NOT BE STYLED THE SAME.

76

(FLASH OF SALON SOUNDS)

77

THIS IS GIVING ME JOHN SNOW
REALNESS RIGHT NOW.

78

79

WHERE ARE...

80

MY DRAGONS.

81

82

OK, CAN YOU NOT USE THE FAN LIKE THAT?

83

84

IT'S LIKE REALLY COLD.

85

86

OK, I GUESS I WILL
GO GET MY JACKET.

87

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