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Yew no how I no dey is no reel god. Cuz if god wuz reel an they hwas these Felpsus... more »
Published August 30, 2013 30 views More Info »
Hey!
Y'all just ignore this here sign here
cause it ain't for you.
I'm fixin' to bitch on them WBC sumbitches.
and I ain't talkin' on them black girls
who plays basketballs neither!
I'm Loretta Jenkins
and today's How I Seize It
is gonna be on the most hated
family in America and
it ain't the Bush family.
(laughs)
LOLOLROFLMAO on the floor...
with a smiley face.
I'm referring to, of course,
them God Hates Fags,
Aids & America
sign-holdin', funeral protestin' sumbiches
them Kansas hate mongers,
the Phelps' clan.
Clap if you'd kill 'em!
Good, I'm glad we all in agreement here.
Now we just need a Supreme Court
that agrees with us.
Can I hear an amen?
That's why it's a good thing
Obama got re-elected
cause we can liberalize the courts forever!
Can I get another amen?
Preach, sister, preach!
Hey Shirley Roper,
why don't you come protest my HISI show
I could use some free publicity.
Fuckin' fuck-face fuckity cunt-faced fuck!
Damn somebody ought to put you down.
You better be glad you ain't
found yourself in my crosshairs there, Shirley.
I can shoot.
We need a Phelps family holocaust, y'all.
Maybe Sanny Claus will bring me that for Christmas.
Please kill all them Phelps sumbiches
with rectal cancer,
in Jesus' name...amen.
I guess since they had this church since the 50's
and they ain't got but about 40 members in it,
I reckon we can just hang back
and wait til they die off.
Raise your hand, you sumbitches!
We need to make a solemn vow
that we ain't never gonna inbreed
with these stupid sumbitches, alright?
They probably the family
from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
That wouldn't surprise me none at all.
Not one damn bit!
What Mona?
Shut the fuck up.
I'm workin'!
So let them hold they media attention-whore signs up,
Just ignore them
and maybe they'll go away.
Like most of my unwanted pregnancies.
(laughs)
(coughs)
Hey, if a foreign country
can ban them from their countries,
why can't we, huh?
This is America!
We can do whatever the fuck we want!
Give 'em some desert island somewhere
with no press whatsonever.
They wouldn't know what to do with theyself.
This Phelps family?
You know where they get they money?
They just kooky lawyers
what goes around suin' people
all willy-nilly for the right to be hateful.
That's why all them local commercials is all
'After all, isn't is your money!'
Is it all makin' some sense to you now?
They just lay around all day
just to bitch to be bitchin'
At least I try to teach
you somethin' with my bitchins.
I got some redeemable qualities.
They right up under this sign.
Well that must be a nice Christian life
you carved out for yourself
you stupid Phelpsusses!
Siphenin' money off a church organization
via the legal system.
That's goddamn awful.
ANd what did Jesus say, huh?
Yeah! He said to cast out
all them lawyers and tax collectors
and bill collectors
and Mormons.
Out with the trash.
This ain't the kind of free speechin'
Chris Columbus and all them
Mayflower sunsabitches
had in mind for us.
Jesus Peezus!
Read the history books!
They's a limit to free speech, Goddamnit!
What is more Christian
than lettin' folks mourn in peace?
You ever ask youself that?
You every pray on that Phelpses?
Shoot, that must be an exhaustive
way to live.
No wonder they so ugly.
You know what?
I know this gal that escaped from them,
she said she thinks Fred Phelps
IS a homosexual.
That struck me funny.
He would be the one homosexual
that I ain't gonna like.
Maybe they ought to drink some more
cause y'all know me,
I drink all damn day long
and I am a flawless creature
of Grade-A Prime Meat
Stamped-On-My-Ass beauty!
Somebody ought to slip some Windex
in they communion Kool-Aid.
Somebody get on that pronto!
What?
Ain't all assassinations bad.
Fortunately, there's some good citizens
that's been gatherin' togethe
and block them out like a human shield
so all them sumbitches and they signs
can't nobody see noways.
But Media,
you gotta do your part too.
Quit coverin' these Motherfuckers!
Hell, I'm gonna get behind one of them
human wall blockers and jump out
with some damn pepper spray
and squirt it in they youngins little eyes.
Waaaaaa!
I just say we build a whole wall
around they church
and while they all in there worshippin'
just fill the whole damn thing
in with Quikrete.
Quickcweet...
Frozen in time, like all them
unfortunate Pompeii sumbitches.
I'm gonna write me a play
about these two sketchy drag queens
named Sissy and Lulubelle Dupree-
cause about half the drag queens I know
they last name is Dupree.
It's like Jones, Smith, Rodriguez, Goldberg-
It's like a common drag queen last name.
Anyway, it's just a rough draft,
I can change it if it tests poorly.
Plotwise, I'm gonna have Sissy and Lulubelle
accidentally take a shitload of party drugs
and they get it in they head
that they gonna hunt Ol' Man Phelps down
like with a dirty needle
and give him a healthy shot of the HIV-vy!
I'm gonna call it
"Let's Give Fred Phelps AIDS, Y'all!"
and I'm also playing around with
"Two Sketchy Drag Queens
and an Infected Needle!"
I don't know.
It's a work in progress.
But they sure do get in some crazy misadventures
and they learn some lessons along the way.
Listen
God Loves Fags!
I mean ain't you never heard that hymn
(clears throat, sings)
"Jesus loves the little children."
"All the-"
Eww God, youngins...
Ewww.
But the point is,
He say all.
Like All...LIKE ALL!!!
You assholes got a Bible handy?
Good, well then bend over and
stick it where the sun don't shine
and that's How I Seize It.
Hey y'all.
Did y'all see where
across the street from them
these faggots bought this house
and they painted it rainbow colors.
(laughs)
That's what inspired me to make
this all different new colored sign.
I just think it's funny as hell
that it's right across the street
from the Westboro Baptist Church.
Queer Power, Y'all!
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