or
First and most importantly, Erin went to a place called Nevada City and did drugs in... more »
Published August 05, 2014 32k views More Info »
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Starring Erin Gibson & Bryan Safi
Written by Erin Gibson & Bryan Safi
Producer: Ross Buran
Producer: Ben Sheehan
Camera Op: Cristina Dunlap
Editor: Ian Skalski
Camera Op: Matt Sweeney
Art: Tricia Robertson
Follow Erin & Bryan on Twitter
Erin:
http://www.twitter.com/gibblertron
Bryan:
http://www.twitter.com/bryansafi
675 Funny Votes
269 Die Votes
31,841 Views
Published August 05, 2014

1

-- (ERIN):
THIS IS

2

(ERIN AND BRYAN TOGETHER):
THROWING SHADE.

3

-- (BRYAN):
WHERE FEMINASTY ERIN GIBSON,

4

-- (ERIN):
AND HOMOSENSUAL BRYAN SAFI,

5

-- (BRYAN):
TAKE A LOOK AT THE HEADLINES AND POLITICS,

6

-- (ERIN):
AND POP CULTURE,

7

-- (BRYAN):
AND TREAT THEM WITH MUCH

8

LESS RESPECT THAN THEY DESERVE.

9

(ERIN): CAN YOU HANDLE IT?

10

-- HEY MAN. WHAT'S UP MAN?
-- OH, WOAH, COOL.

11

-- JUST CAME BACK FROM
NEVADA CITY MAN.
-- THAT IS

12

NOT... WHEN I HEAR THE CITY,
NEVADA CITY I DON'T THINK THIS...

13

-- OH YOU DON'T?
IT'S WHERE ALL THE BURNING
MAN PEOPLE LIVE.

14

-- IS IT IN NEVADA?
NO, IT'S IN CALIFORNIA.

15

-- WHY DO WE DO THAT?
-- YOU KNOW WHAT'S FUNNY?
THE TOWN

16

USED TO BE JUST CALLED
NEVADA AND THEY ADDED THE

17

WORD CITY BECAUSE
IT WAS CONFUSING.
-- OH SURE, I MEAN

18

THAT IS CONFUSING.
-- BUT THEN JUST
CHANGE THE NAME ALL

19

TOGETHER.
-- I GUESS.

20

-- CALL IT... (made up word) OR SOMETHING
-- AH YEAH, THAT'S WHAT

21

THEY SHOULD--
-- LIKE AN INUIT THING.

22

-- ANYTHING IS BETTER THAN
NAMING A CITY AFTER

23

ANOTHER CITY, OR A CITY AFTER
A STATE IS THE WORSE THING.

24

-- YEAH.
-- LIKE, OKLAHOMA CITY?
STUPID.

25

-- C'MON, BUT AT LEAST
IT'S IN OKLAHOMA.
-- YEAH.

26

-- KANSAS CITY, MISSOURI? GUYS
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

27

-- YEAH. THAT IS REALLY THE MOST--
-- PARIS, TEXAS?

28

-- NO, THAT I LIKE.
-- SHOOT YOURSELF.

29

-- THAT I LIKE BECAUSE THEY USED TO
CALL PARIS, TEXAS

30

THE PARIS OF TEXAS.
-- OH, THEY WOULD JUST
PUT AN EXTRA

31

WORD IN THERE?
-- YEAH.
-- TO MAKE IT LONGER?

32

-- IT WAS THE SLOGAN...
-- TO EXPLAIN THINGS.

33

-- THEY DID EIFFEL TOWER, THEY DO BERET, YEAH--

34

-- EVERYTHING'S SLOWER
IN THE SOUTH, ABSOLUTELY
-- CAN-CAN--

35

ONLY, YOU HAVE TO PARK
YOUR CARS AT THE BORDER
OF PARIS,

36

AND YOU HAVE TO CAN-CAN
ALL THE WAY IN--
-- ALL THE WAY IN?

37

-- YEAH. YOU WERE THERE
FOR WHAT?
-- A WEDDING.

38

-- OH.
-- YEAH, BUT I FUCKING
LOVED IT. THERE

39

WAS A DUDE WHO WAS A YOU,
IF YOU WERE A HIPPY.
-- MM-HMM.

40

-- HE RAN THIS PLACE CALLED--
-- I CAN'T EVEN

41

PICTURE IT.
-- THIS IS--

42

I'M GOING TO TELL YOU EXACTLY
WHO HE WAS. HE RAN

43

THIS PLACE CALLED ELIXART WHICH
IS AN ART GALLERY, AND ELIXIRS.

44

-- THAT, FIRST OF ALL IT SOUNDS
LIKE FARTS. THAT DOES NOT

45

SOUND LIKE AN ARTIST, OR ANYTHING.
-- YOU WOULDN'T

46

THINK THAT IF YOU SMELLED
ANY OF THE STUFF IN THERE.

47

SO ANYWAY, HE HAD THIS
PALLET OF PEACHES THAT WAS

48

SITTING NEXT TO THE FARM.
WE WERE WAITING TO PLACE OUR

49

ORDER. SO OLE GRABS 3 PEACHES
AND HE'S LIKE WE'LL

50

GRAB THESE AND TAKE THEM TO
THE WEDDING IN CASE WE NEED

51

SNACKS. ALRIGHT, WE DIDN'T KNOW
WHAT THE FOOD SITUATION

52

WAS.
-- OH YOU WERE GOING TO EAT AT
THE WEDDING? VERY RUDE.

53

-- BRYAN, I'M NOT EVEN TELLING
YOU EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS

54

WEDDING, I WAS LIKE WE SHOULD
PREPARE FOR PEOPLE--

55

-- WE ABSOLUTELY NEEDED--
-- 'CAUSE THEY'RE LIKE, HEY MAN.
-- YEAH-YEAH...

56

-- IT ENDED UP BEING FANTASTIC,
BUT I WAS WORRIED.

57

WE WERE LIKE, OK, SO WE'VE GOT
THESE TWO ELIXIRS AND THEN

58

WE'RE GOING TO DO THESE 3 PEACHES, AND HE WAS LIKE,

59

"AH MAN, THOSE ARE LIKE MY PEACHES,
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT

60

MAN, YOU CAN HAVE SOME MAN."
AND THEN WE WERE LIKE, NO-NO,

61

WE'LL BUY THEM, AND HE WAS LIKE,
"OK, MAN I GUESS. SO LIKE

62

$2 DOLLARS A PEACH--
NO MAN, I CAN'T--
YOU KNOW WHAT, JUST

63

TAKE THEM MAN." AND I WAS LIKE,
THIS IS BRYAN. THIS IS BRYAN--

64

-- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
DO YOU KNOW THE VENOM

65

THAT IS SPEWING THROUGH
MY ENTIRE BODY RIGHT NOW.
-- WHY?

66

-- IF SOMEONE TALKED TO ME
LIKE THAT. IF SOMEONE WAS LIKE,

67

"I DON'T KNOW MAN...
THOSE ARE MY PEACHES MAN...",

68

I WOULD BE LIKE I'M SORRY
IT DIDN'T WORK OUT FOR YOU

69

IN THE REAL WORLD.
I'M SORRY THAT YOU HAD
TO RUN AWAY FROM

70

ALL YOUR PROBLEMS,
COME HERE, AND SOME HOW
EAT BETTER BUT LOOK

71

WORSE THAN EVERYONE
ELSE ON EARTH.
-- HE COULDN'T DECIDE

72

IF HE WANTED TO SELL
HIS PEACHES OR NOT.
-- THAT IS--

73

-- BUT HE HAD THE MOST
CALMING HIPPY VOICE IN LIKE--

74

-- AND THAT REMINDED YOU OF ME?
-- NO IT WAS THE FACT

75

THAT HE COULDN'T DECIDE WHETHER
OR NOT TO SELL HIS PEACHES.

76

-- OH YEAH.
-- YEAH.

77

-- I WENT TO THE DRIVE-IN THIS
WEEKEND, WHICH WAS VERY FUN.

78

-- YOU DID? OH, ONE MORE
THING ABOUT THE WEDDING--

79

-- YES PLEASE.
-- I DID COCAINE IN A TEEPEE.

80

-- YOU DID NOT.
-- YEAH.

81

-- DID YOU REALLY?
-- MM-HMM.

82

-- YOU DID COCAINE?
-- MM-HMM.
-- YOU DID COCAINE?

83

I KNOW THAT YOU'RE LYING.
-- I'M NOT.

84

-- WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
-- I WAS FORCED IN BY SHAME.

85

EVERYONE WAS DOING COCAINE,
I WAS LIKE I'M GOING TO DIE

86

SOON, WHY NOT DO COCAINE.
-- HOW IS THAT CLEAN LIVING?

87

-- MY HOLE-- NO THEY DON'T SEE THAT--

88

THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING.
THEY'RE BURNERS THERE.

89

THEY DO BURNING MAN.
-- OOH.

90

-- THEY'RE ONE WITH NATURE,
BUT ALSO ONE WITH COCAINE.

91

-- I GUESS--
-- I DID TWO BUMPS OUT OF A
SPOON ESPECIALLY

92

MADE FOR COCAINE.
-- LIKE A LITTLE SPOON?

93

-- A TINY SPOON. LIKE IF THUMBELINA
MADE AN ICE CREAM

94

CONE THAT'S WHAT
SHE WOULD USE.
-- RIGHT.

95

-- A COCAINE SPOON.
-- YEAH. DOES THAT MAKE YOU

96

FEEL BETTER ABOUT DOING
COCAINE COMPARING IT TO

97

THUMBELINA-- A CHILDREN'S TALE?
-- YEAH.
-- YEAH.

98

-- I WAS SO PARANOID
BECAUSE I KEPT
SNIFFLING OUT OF

99

ONE NOSTRIL AND I WAS LIKE
EVERYONE KNOWS I'M ON COKE

100

RIGHT NOW. AND THEN I TALKED
TO THIS GIRL FOR SO LONG ABOUT

101

HOW SHE SHOULD BRING HER--
-- ABOUT HER BUSINESS PLAN?

102

OH, OK.
-- YEAH.

103

-- SHE WAS LIKE, I LIVE
WITH MY BOYFRIEND
BUT I DON'T

104

THINK I LIKE HIM, AND
I WAS LIKE HERE'S
WHAT YOU DO--

105

-- LET'S BREAK IT DOWN.
-- FULLY LOCKED INTO HER EYES

106

NO BLINKING, OK--
YEAH, I BELIEVE IT.

107

-- I FELT LIKE AT FIRST SHE
WAS INTERESTED IN WHAT I HAD

108

TO SAY AS A DIVORCEE ON COCAINE,
BUT THEN AFTER A WHILE--

109

-- THAT SHOULD BE THE
TITLE OF THE BOOK: "WHAT I HAVE TO

110

SAY AS A DIVORCEE ON COCAINE".

111

-- I WOULD WRITE THAT
BOOK IN 5 MINUTES.
-- YEAH, I KNOW.

112

-- DO A THOUSAND PAGES.
-- YEP.

113

-- SHE LEFT, AND THEN
I GO OLE, WHO IS THIS
DELIGHTFUL GIRL

114

WHO I'M TRING TO BREAK
HER RELATIONSHIP UP,
AND HE GOES,

115

WE USED TO DATE. AND I WAS LIKE,
WAIT, WHAT? FIRST OF ALL

116

I'M REALLY FUCKING
OUT OF MY MIND RIGHT NOW.
-- YEAH.

117

-- NOW YOU TELL ME THAT
THIS GIRL THAT WE SAT AT DINNER

118

WITH THAT YOU USED TO
FUCK HER, AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME?

119

YOU GOTTA TELL ME THIS STUFF.
-- COCAINE USUALLY

120

MAKES FIGHTS BETTER THOUGH, SO IT'S GOOD THING YOU WERE

121

ON COKE DURING THIS WHOLE THING.
-- YEAH. EVERYTHING

122

FELT LIKE I WAS
BEING ELECTROCUTED.
-- GREAT.

123

-- I DO THINK THAT'S WHAT
PRISONERS MUST GO
THROUGH WHEN

124

THEY'RE ELECTROCUTED IS
WHAT I FELT WHEN I WAS
ON COCAINE.

125

-- YEAH. THAT'S PROBABLY
A FAIR-- YEAH.

126

DO YOU MEAN THAT THE
ELECTRIC CHAIR IS LIKE COCAINE?

127

-- MM-HMM.
-- YEAH.

128

-- YEAH, IT MUST BE.
-- WELL THAT'S A VERY

129

ADVENTUROUS WEEKEND FOR YOU.
-- YEAH, BUT I DON'T

130

WANT TO DO COCAINE AGAIN.
-- YEAH, I'M SURPRISED YOU

131

EVEN DID-- IT ALMOST SEEMS--
-- YOU GOTTA TRY IT.

132

-- I GUESS, BUT I DON'T KNOW.
IT SEEMS LIKE THEN YOU

133

GET TO A CERTAIN POINT WHERE
YOU ARE LIKE, EH, MAYBE

134

I DON'T NEED TO TRY IT.
-- THE WAY IT WAS SOLD, IT WAS

135

VERY SAFE, THEY WERE LIKE,
LOOK, YOU DO THIS, YOU'RE
JUST AWAKE, AND THEN

136

IT'S DONE.
-- I GUESS IF YOU ONLY DO 1 OR 2 BUMPS,

137

LIKE I'M NOT GOING TO ENDORSE
COCAINE RIGHT NOW, AND

138

THAT'S WHERE I WAS HEADED.
-- HERE'S THE THING, WHEN

139

I WAS TALKING TO THIS GIRL--
-- UH-HUH.

140

-- I WAS LIKE, WE'VE BEEN
TALKING FOR 5 HOURS, BUT

141

WHEN IT WAS DONE,
I WAS LIKE, THAT LASTED
2 MINUTES.

142

-- YEAH.
-- I WAS FULL TIME MACHINE,
CAN THIS BITCH

143

GO 88 MILES AN HOUR,
WE'RE GOING TO FIND OUT.
WE DON'T

144

NEED CARS WHERE WE'RE GOING
BITCH, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

145

-- RIGHT. TOTALLY, YEAH.
-- SO YOU WENT TO THE DRIVE-IN.

146

-- WHO FUCKING CARES.

147

148

-- RING-RING, RING-RING.
-- HELLO.

149

-- OH, THAT WAS VERY--

150

HI, UM, YOUR PHONE IS GAY.
-- OH NO. WHAT DO I DO?

151

DO I DRAG IT BEHIND MY CAR?
WHAT DO I DO, PUT IT IN PRISON?

152

-- ALL OF THE ABOVE.
-- YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, YOU

153

CALLED THE BIGGEST HOMOPHOBE
WOMAN IN THE UNITED STATES.

154

-- AND I WAS CALLING YOU--
-- MY NAME IS CLAIRE ANTI-GAY.

155

-- OH, PERFECT.
-- YEAH.

156

-- I WAS CALLING YOU ON A HOMO-PHONE.
THAT IS NOT FUNNY?

157

-- (big inhale) DO MY EARS HAVE AIDS?
-- YEAH, OK, ALRIGHT.

158

-- YEAH.
-- WE ALL LEARNED IT IN GRADE
SCHOOL HOMOPHONE--

159

-- YES.
-- WHEN TWO WORDS WITH DIFFERENT
MEANINGS, BUT

160

SOUND ALIKE, RIGHT. SO--
-- LIKE XYLOPHONE AND DIOLATOL.

161

-- NO. DEAD WRONG. LIKE BARE AND BEAR.
-- OK, SO LIKE

162

THERE, AND THEIR?
-- B-A-R-E AND B-E-A-R, THERE, AND THEIR.

163

WELL A SOCIAL MEDIA SPECIALIST
FOR A UTAH--
-- NO.

164

-- LISTEN, I KNOW. WELL JUST THE
GUY WHO POSTS ON FACEBOOK.

165

FOR A COMPANY IN UTAH THAT'S
A LANGUAGE SCHOOL.

166

THIS LANGUAGE SCHOOL SPECIFICALLY
TEACHES ENGLISH,

167

IT'S LIKE ESL, THEY TEACH
ENGLISH TO NON-NATIVE--

168

-- OH, OK, SPEAKERS.
-- SPEAKERS. EXACTLY.

169

AND UM...
-- BUT NOT SPEAKERS, PEOPLE WHO CAN'T

170

SPEAK THE LANGUAGE.
NOT LIKE SPEAKER CITY SPEAKERS.

171

-- EXACTLY. RIGHT.
-- YEAH.

172

THEY DON'T SIT IN FRONT
OF LIKE A SUB WOOFER...

173

--NO.
-- YEAH.

174

-- SO THIS GUY WHO DID THE
FACEBOOK POSTS AND BLOG POSTS

175

FOR THIS SCHOOL IN UTAH WAS
FIRED RECENTLY WHEN HE POSTED

176

THE WORD HOMOPHONE ON
THEIR WEBSITE, BECAUSE THE GUY

177

WHO FIRED HIM SAID THAT HE
DIDN'T WANT THE SCHOOL ASSOCIATED

178

WITH HOMOSEXUALITY.
EVEN THOUGH THAT WAS--
-- WHAT AN IDIOT.

179

AT A LANGUAGE SCHOOL?
-- YES. YES.

180

-- HE RUNS A LANGUAGE SCHOOL?
-- ALL THEY HAVE

181

TO DO IS KNOW ABOUT LANGUAGE.
FIRST OF ALL THE

182

GUY'S NAME WHO POSTED
THIS STUFF--
-- THE SOCIAL MEDIA

183

CONSULTANTS.
-- THE SPECIALIST ISN'T
REALLY DOING

184

HIMSELF ANY FAVORS BECAUSE
HIS NAME IS TIM TORKILDSON.

185

WHICH, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?
-- I LOVE TORKILDSON.

186

-- THIS IS ABSOLUTELY A LEWIS
CARROLL CHARACTER.

187

AND THE GUY WHO FIRED HIM,
HIS MAN'S NAME IS CLARK

188

WOODGER. WOODGER, TALKED TO
TORKILDSON, AND EMAILED HIM

189

AND SAID, "I HAD TO LOOK UP
THE WORD BECAUSE I DIDN'T

190

KNOW WHAT THE HELL YOU WERE
TALKING ABOUT. WE DON'T TEACH

191

THIS KIND OF STUFF TO OUR STUDENTS,
AND IT'S EXTREMELY

192

INAPPROPRIATE. CAN YOU HAVE
YOUR DESK CLEANED OUT

193

BY 11 THIS MORNING?
I'LL HAVE YOUR CHECK READY."

194

-- EMAILED HIM--
A FIRED EMAIL--
-- AFTER HE

195

HAD ALREADY LOOKED IT UP.
AFTER HE HAD ALREADY LOOKED UP

196

WHAT A HOMOPHONE WAS THIS GUY
WHO RUNS A LANGUAGE

197

SCHOOL, AND WAS LIKE WE'RE NOT
TEACHING ANY GAY STUFF.

198

IT REALLY SEEMS TO INSANE FOR
WORDS, THAT SOMEONE

199

WOULD LOOK--

200

WHAT COULD THIS GUY EVEN
THOUGHT, IF HE READ IT AS

201

HOMOPHONE, WHAT COULD HE
HAVE THOUGHT THAT WAS?

202

-- HE JUST SAW THE WORD
HOMO AND JUST--

203

-- FLIPPED OUT.
-- FLIPPED HIS SHIT.

204

-- YEAH. SO THIS COMPANY IS IN
PROVO, UTAH WHICH IS NOW

205

ONE OF THE MOST CONSERVATIVE
PARTS OF UTAH. PROVO IS WHERE

206

UTAH'INS LIVE WHEN THEY THING
SALT LAKE TO CITY IS

207

TO LIBERAL. WHEN YOU THINK OF
UTAH AND HOW CONSERVATIVE

208

IT IS, REALLY YOU'RE THINKING
OF PROVO, NOT EVEN

209

SALT LAKE CITY.
-- REALLY?
-- YEAH.

210

SO HERE IS THE POST THAT THIS GUY
ACTUALLY REALLY WROTE:

211

"IN ENGLISH A HOMOPHONE IS A
WORD THAT HAS SEVERAL

212

DIFFERENT MEANINGS AND SPELLINGS,
BUT ALWAYS SOUNDS THE SAME.

213

AIL IS TO BE SICK. ALE IS AN
ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGE..."

214

WHICH HE SHOULD'VE BEEN,
IN MY OPINION FIRED FOR

215

PROMOTING THAT.
-- YEAH. ESPECIALLY IN UTAH.

216

-- EXACTLY.
-- SO IS THIS GUY GOING TO
GET HIS JOB BACK?

217

-- NO, HE'S TOTALLY FIRED.
HE'S TRYING TO FIND ANOTHER

218

JOB--
-- MAYBE BUZZFEED WILL
HIRE HIM.

219

-- THEY SAY THE OTHER REASON,
HE ALSO MIGHT'VE

220

BEEN FIRED, APPARENTLY HE POSTED
SOME REALLY SAD STORY

221

ON HIS BLOG POST ABOUT HOW
HE HAD A HORRIBLE DIARRHEA

222

AND HAD TO PULL OVER INTO A
GAS STATION DIARRHEA INTO A

223

URINAL.
-- WELL THAT'S JUST INFORMATIVE.

224

-- BUT I DON'T KNOW WHY EVERYONE WAS COMMENTING ABOUT

225

HOW SAD THAT WAS.
-- IT WAS FACTUAL RIGHT?

226

-- WHY WOULD YOU HAVE TO DO THAT?
-- WELL, BECAUSE THE

227

TOILET WAS OCUPADO.
-- YEAH.

228

-- DON'T YOU THINK?
-- IT'S A REAL CHICKEN OR EGG.

229

-- YEAH.
-- WHAT WAS HE FIRED
FOR FIRST?

230

WRITING THE WORD HOMOPHONE,
OR DIARRHEA IN A URINAL.

231

-- REGARDLESS OF WHETHER OR
NOT THIS GUY POSTED A DIARRHEA

232

THING ON HIS TUMBLR, THAT'S NOT A
REASON TO FIRE SOMEBODY.

233

-- NO. ESPECIALLY WHEN THE STORY IS
APPARENTLY VERY SAD.

234

-- WHAT IS SAD ABOUT IT?
-- I DON'T KNOW, JUST A

235

COUPLE OF COMMENTS WERE LIKE,
DID YOU READ THAT REALLY

236

SAD DIARRHEA STORY ON HIS TUMBLR,
AND THEN I COULDN'T

237

FIND IT, BUT APPARENTLY
IT'S REALLY SAD.
BUT HE

238

POSTED IT ON HIS PERSONAL
WEBSITE, AND NOT THE SOCIAL

239

MEDIA--
-- AND ON THE SOCIAL
MEDIA THING--

240

-- YOU KNOW, HE GETS
THE INTERNET.
-- YEAH.

241

ANYWAY, THE WHOLE
THING WAS TOO MUCH.

242

243

-- BOOP-BOOP-BOOP-BOOP...
SOUND THE ALARM.

244

NIKI MINAJ.
-- OH YEAH, OH YEAH.

245

HER BUTT'S ON THE LOOSE.
-- I'VE SEEN IT.

246

-- AND EVERYBODY IS FREAKING OUT.
-- SHE DOES FIX THE FLAT RIGHT?

247

I MEAN SHE STRAIGHT UP PUTS
CEMENT INTO HER BUTT RIGHT?

248

I MEAN LIKE SHE DOES INJECTIONS,
BECAUSE THAT CAN'T BE REAL.

249

-- I DON'T KNOW. KIM KARDASHIAN'S
BUTT IS REAL, AND SO IS

250

-- NO IT'S NOT. SHE USES
INJECTIONS I THINK.
-- IT'S NOT?

251

WELL HERE'S THE THING,
REGARDLESS HER BUTT IS BEAUTIFUL--

252

-- YES.
-- AND IF I HAD A BUTT LIKE
THAT I WOULD

253

WEAR OVERALLS, BUT THE BUTT
WOULD BE A CLEAR WINDOW

254

AND I WOULD JUST WALK
AROUND TOWN--
-- TOTALLY.

255

SHE'S PUT A PICTURE ON HER
INSTAGRAM FOR HER COVER

256

FOR HER NEW SINGLE ANACONDA.
-- YES.

257

-- JUST TO DESCRIBE IT FOR YOU,
IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT,

258

IT'S HER BACKWARDS, IT'S HER BACK--
-- MM-HMM.

259

-- SQUATTING DOWN, PINK THONG,
PINK SPORTS BRA, JORDANS.

260

-- SHE LOOKS AMAZING.
-- SHE DOES.

261

-- ALL THE DUDES ARE LIKE FUCK
YEAH, AND GIRLS ARE

262

LIKE, YEAH FUCK YEAH, FUCK YEAH.
AND EVERYONE IS LIKE YEAH, FUCK YEAH.

263

IT EVEN STARTED SOME MEME'S.
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU SAW ANY

264

OF THESE.
-- NO.

265

THERE'S ONE OF THEM WAS
MARGE SIMPSON DOING

266

THE SAME POSE.
-- THAT'S FUNNY. I GUESS.

267

-- UM, ANOTHER ONE WAS THE
GOOGLE LOGO BUT INSTEAD OF THE O'S

268

IT WAS HER BUTT. YEAH. GREAT.
-- GREAT.

269

-- OK, BUT, NOT EVERYONE WAS
EXCITED ABOUT THESE BUTT GAMES.

270

-- NO.
-- NO.

271

-- SHELLY DUVALL FOR ONE.
WHO ELSE? FAYE DUNAWAY--

272

WELL THEY DON'T HAVE BUTTS.
-- OH, YEAH. ANY WHITE

273

GIRL REALLY.
-- YEAH.

274

CHUCK CREEKMUR WHO RUNS
ALLHIPHOP.COM WROTE A LETTER,

275

AN OPEN LETTER TO NIKI MINAJ --
I'M SO TIRED OF OPEN LETTERS.

276

-- OH, BUT THEY'RE SO FUN,
BECAUSE IT'S HOW YOU

277

WRITE A LETTER TO SOMEONE WHEN
YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THEM, BUT

278

YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO IT DIRECTLY.
-- EXACTLY.
-- YEAH.

279

-- IT'S LIKE STARTING SHIT--

280

IT'S BASICALLY SAYING, I WOULD
LIKE TO SPEAK TO YOU

281

PRIVATELY BUT IN PUBLIC.
-- IT'S HOW MY MOM COMPLAINS

282

ABOUT MY STEP DAD NOT LOADING
THE DISHWASHER.
-- EXACTLY.

283

-- SHE'LL TELL ME IN FRONT OF HIM,
BUT NEVER TO HIM.
-- YEP.

284

-- SO THE LETTER AS YOU MIGHT
KNOW WAS A LITTLE BIT

285

CONDESCENDING.
-- MM-HMM.

286

-- AND A LITTLE BIT SEXIST,
AND A LITTLE BIT PATRONIZING,

287

AND YOU KNOW, ALL THE STUFF
THAT LADIES LOVE TO HEAR.

288

-- SO THIS IS FROM--
-- HE RUNS A SITE ALLHIPHOP.COM.

289

-- OK.
-- WHICH IS A HUGE HIP-HOP BLOG.

290

HIS MAIN POINT WAS THAT HE
WAS WORRIED OF WHAT'S GOING

291

TO HAPPEN TO HIS DAUGHTER
WHEN SHE SEE'S THAT PICTURE.

292

WHAT KIND OF MESSAGE IS NIKI
MINAJ SENDING.
-- I THINK

293

THE MESSAGE THAT SHE'S SENDING
IS I HAVE A THIS, YOU DON'T.

294

-- YEAH.
-- I THINK IS THE MESSAGE.

295

-- THE MESSAGE IS I GOT A
BOMB ASS BOOTY.
EVERYBODY DEAL WITH IT.

296

-- YEAH.
-- WHEN I PEEPED THE ARTWORK
FOR YOUR LATEST

297

SINGLE, I WASN'T EVEN SHOCKED,
I WAS JUST DISAPPOINTED."

298

WELL HIS BONER WASN'T
DISAPPOINTED, BUT HE WAS

299

PROBABLY DISAPPOINTED.
-- I WAS JUST-- OK, GOT IT.

300

-- YEAH. "THE SONG: "ANACONDA."
THE ART: YOUR

301

BOOTY IN A THONG. AS A MAN,
I CAN APPRECIATE THE VIRTUES

302

OF YOUR PERFECT POSTERIOR.
THE DAD GUY IS NOT A HAPPY

303

CAMPER, PARTICULARLY NOW
THAT HIS LIL' GIRL IS

304

TRANSITIONING INTO A YOUNG
LADY. IS THIS THE PATH YOU

305

WANT TO LEAD IMPRESSIONABLE
KIDS DOWN? HOW WILL BOYS

306

ALREADY CONDITIONED TO
SEXUALIZED GIRLS AT A YOUNG

307

AGE INTERNALIZE THIS BIG
BOOTY OF YOURS."

308

WELL IT'S NOT HER RESPONSIBILITY.
-- OF COURSE.

309

-- YOU KNOW WHO'S
RESPONSIBILITY IT IS, MAYBE

310

HER DAD?
-- YEAH.

311

-- TO EXPLAIN TO HER--
-- FOR SURE, HER DAD.

312

-- OR PROTECT HER FROM THIS
IF HE'S WORRIED ABOUT IT

313

OR EXPLAIN TO HER LIKE,
THIS IS WHY SHE'S DOING THIS--

314

-- WHAT WOULD QUESTION--
I FEEL LIKE PEOPLE A LOT OF TIMES

315

DON'T GIVE KIDS ENOUGH CREDIT,
BECAUSE WHAT WOULD

316

THE QUESTIONS EVEN BE?
WHAT IS THAT?
-- ABOUT WHAT?

317

-- YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS.
SO THAT WOULDN'T BE A QUESTION.

318

LIKE FROM THE LITTLE GIRL.
WHAT IS THE CONCERN EXACTLY?

319

THAT SHE'S GOING TO DRESS
LIKE THAT?
-- THE IDEA IS

320

THAT NIKI MINAJ HAS TAKEN HER IMAGE
AS A SEXUAL BEING

321

IN THE HIP-HOP WORLD, AND
INSTEAD OF BEING A GIRL WHO

322

SOMEBODY RUNS A CREDIT CARD
DOWN HER BUTT CRACK WHILE

323

THEY RAP NEXT TO HER,
SHE'S LIKE NAW BITCH,
I'M GOING

324

TO BE SEXY ON MY SINGLE.
-- THIS IS MY BUTT.

325

-- NOW HERE'S WHAT SHE DID,
NIKI MINAJ DID WHICH WAS RAD.

326

SHE'S BEEN PRETTY OUTSPOKEN
ABOUT THE DOUBLE STANDARDS

327

IN HIP-HOP, AND WITH THIS
PARTICULAR ISSUE, SHE TOOK

328

THE REINS BACK. SHE POSTED ON
HER INSTAGRAM 3 DIFFERENT

329

PICTURES OF WHITE GIRLS IN
BIKINI'S WITH THEIR BUTTS

330

TO CAMERA, AND THEY ALL SAID
ACCEPTABLE, AND THE 3RD ONE

331

WAS-- I DON'T KNOW IF YOU
SAW THAT S.I. COVER THIS

332

YEAR, THAT WAS LIKE 3 GIRLS
IN THE WATER TOPLESS.

333

-- YEAH.
-- THAT WAS THE LAST ONE.
SHE SAID, ACCEPTABLE.

334

AND THEN SHE PUT HER COVER
UP AGAIN, AND SAID UNACCEPTABLE.

335

-- MM-HMM.
YEAH, SURE.

336

-- YEAH. LIKE, OH, NO ONE HAS A
PROBLEM WITH THESE 3 TOPLESS

337

GIRLS. NIKI MINAJ HAS ON
A SPORTS BRA.
-- SHE'S GOING

338

TO SPIN CLASS.
-- MAYBE IF THE SONG WASN'T
ANACONDA,

339

WHAT IF SHE WAS SINGING LIKE,
YOU KNOW SOMETHING PRETTY,

340

LIKE SENDING THE CLOWNS,
OR DON'T RAIN ON MY PARADE--

341

-- OH YEAH.
-- IF SHE WAS DOING LIKE
A NICE BALLAD,

342

YOU KNOW, OR THE GREATEST
LOVE OF ALL.
-- ROCK LOBSTER--

343

-- YEAH.
-- SOMETHING THAT WAS LIKE
WAY OUT THERE.

344

-- IF SHE WAS SINGING ROCK LOBSTER,
THAT DIDN'T HAVE

345

ANYTHING TO DO WITH THAT
KIND OF IMAGE, PEOPLE MIGHT

346

LIKE IT, AND BE LIKE THIS IS A
BEAUTIFUL CLASSY SONG,

347

WE CAN GET OVER THE IMAGE.
-- I CAN'T STOP THINKING

348

ABOUT NIKI MINAJ SINGING
ROCK LOBSTER.
-- ROCK LOBSTER--

349

BECAUSE IT ACTUALLY MAKES A
LITTLE BIT OF SENSE, BECAUSE

350

SHE DOES ALL OF THOSE VOICES.
-- YEAH.

351

ROCK LOBSTER!
-- SHE DOES IT LIKE, (inaudible).

352

OH, A CHICKEN TALKING?
-- YEAH (laughs)

353

YOU KNOW SHE'S LIKE, (inaudible).
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? YEAH.

354

-- WELL, WHAT SHE'S SAYING IN THESE
INSTAGRAM PHOTOS IS

355

WHY IS IT OK FOR THESE WHITE GIRLS
WITH NO BUTT AT ALL,

356

TO BE ON ALL THESE COVERS AND
NO ONE HAS A PROBLEM WITH IT

357

AND THEN I COME ALONG, AND
I DO THIS THING, AND NOW

358

IT'S A BIG DEAL.
-- MM-HMM.

359

-- I THINK THIS ALL COMES DOWN
TO, JUST TO GET BACK TO

360

THIS GUY'S LETTER, HE'S FREAKING
OUT AS A PARENT,

361

BECAUSE HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT
TO DO WITH HIS DAUGHTER, AND

362

HE'S BEING NOW CONFRONTED WITH
HOW THE HIP-HOP WORLD

363

TREATS WOMEN. HOW WOMEN ARE
PORTRAYING THEMSELVES,

364

ALL THIS STUFF AND HE'S FREAKING
OUT FOR HIS DAUGHTER.

365

WHO IS NOW COMING INTO THE MOST
AWKWARD TIME OF HER LIFE,

366

AND INSTEAD OF SITTING HER DOWN,
AND HAVING A CONVERSATION

367

WITH HER, HE HAS CHOSEN TO
SPEND TIME BLAMING NIKI MINAJ,

368

FOR SOMETHING THAT ISN'T EVEN
REALLY A PROBLEM IN HIS LIFE YET.

369

-- NO, AND WON'T BE EITHER IF
YOU'RE A GOOD PARENT.

370

-- IF YOU ARE WORRIED ABOUT
THIS SEXUAL MESSAGE THAT NIKI

371

MINAJ IS PUTTING OUT THERE, LOOK,
WHEN I HAVE CHILDREN--

372

-- I KNOW, WE KNOW--
-- WE'RE NOT WATCHING
COMMERCIALS.

373

-- NO. NO RULES.
-- NO, WE'RE GOING TO WATCH THEM.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

374

WE'RE GOING TO WATCH THEM,
AND I'M GOING TO SAY, WHAT

375

ARE THEY SELLING YOU,
HOW ARE THEY TRYING
TO GET YOU?

376

-- RIGHT.
-- HOW ARE WE GOING TO
WRITE TO THESE

377

COMPANIES-- I DON'T CARE IF THEY
CAN'T WRITE YET, MY KIDS,

378

I WILL HAVE THEM SIRI, I WILL HAVE THEM
TELL SIRI WHAT NEEDS TO BE TYPED

379

OUT, AND WE'RE GOING TO SEND IT RIGHT--
WHOEVER, GENERAL MILLS, FORD--

380

-- YEAH.
-- THE TV CORPORATIONS.
-- MM-HMM.

381

-- THE PHONE MONOPOLIES.
ALL OF THEM.
-- THEN THEY'LL RUN

382

INTO MY HOUSE, I'LL LOCK THE
DOOR, AND I'LL SAY

383

SHE CAN'T HURT YOU ANYMORE.
AND WE'LL WATCH ALL THE COMMERCIALS,

384

AND I'LL GO BUY AWAY
KIDS, BUY AWAY.
-- THAT'S WHEN

385

I SMASH THROUGH WITH A
FIRE HYDRANT AND I LIGHT THE

386

WHOLE THING UP.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

387

-- WITH A FIRE HYDRANT?
-- YEAH.

388

-- THAT'S TO PUT OUT A FIRE.
-- OH.

389

I'VE BEEN--
-- I KNOW, YOU GOT IT ALL WRONG.

390

Advertisement
Advertisement

From Around the Web