Description:
Every year, the U.S. Patents Office copyrights 57 new sex acts. Who gets those patents is decided by Mr. Stevens and Mrs. Davis - collectively known as The Committee. In each episode, a different hopeful pitches to the Department of Amatory Copyright in the hope that their imaginative new sex act will become this years' Alabama Hot Pocket.
Patience is overrated...
Patience is overrated...
The video opens with the following text: EVERY YEAR, THE U.S. PATENTS
OFFICE COPYRIGHTS 57 NEW SEX ACTS. The shot cuts to a door exterior. On
the door is an official seal with the words Department of Amatory
Copyright D.A.C. The shot cuts to this following test: WHO GETS THOSE
PATENTS IS DECIDED BY... The shot cuts to Rich Sommer and Kathryn
Joosten sitting behind a desk.
Rich Sommer: Next!
The shot cuts the following text: THE COMMITTEE. The shot then cuts to
Alison Brie coming into the office where Rich Sommer and Kathryn Joosten
are sitting.
Alison Brie: Peekaboo.
Rich Sommer: Ah, Mrs. Daniels.
Alison Brie: Hi guys. How's it going.
Rich Sommer: Not too shabby. Thank you for asking. Now you're familiar
with what we do here? The copyrighting of iconic and creative sexual
acts.
Alison Brie: Oh yes. My husband and I are close followers of the committee's work. Tea-bagging. Donkey Punching.
Rich Sommer: Oh ho, the classics.
Alison Brie: Yes, but the obscure ones as well. Just last weekend as a
treat, we cleared our schedules, opened a nice bottle of wine and tried
the angry pirate.
Rich Sommer: Angry pirate? Which one is that?
Kathryn Joosten: During anal sex, the man pulls out his penis just
before climax and surprises his partner by ejaculating into one of her
eyes...
The shot cuts to Alison Brie, who points to one of her eyes. The shot then cuts back to Kathryn Joosten and Rich Sommer.
Kathryn Joosten: Now this maneuver needs the partner to cover her eye like so...
Kathryn Joosten places a hand over one of her eyes.
Kathryn Joosten: and loudly exclaim argh.
The shot cuts to Alison Brie who has a hand over her eye.
Alison Brie: Argh.
The shot cuts back to Kathryn Joosten and Rich Sommer.
Rich Sommer: Ah yes, the angry pirate. How could I forget that one?
Well, Mrs. Daniels, that brings us to you. What do you have for us?
Alison Brie: Well, okay, my husband and I have a position we like to call the military-style execution.
The video freeze-frames for a moment and the following text appears: THE MILITARY-STYLE EXECUTION.
Rich Sommer: Uh-oh, that sounds like trouble.
Alison Brie: Well, it's really just a timely inversion of some tried and
tested moves. The man is on his knees. The woman is behind him with a
strap on dildo. The woman pushes the tip of the plastic penis forcibly
against the back of the man's head. Then, the man wets his pants.
Simple.
Rich Sommer and Kathryn Joosten look unimpressed by this move.
Alison Brie: You don't like it?
Rich Sommer: Kimberly, you are not going to believe this, but we already
have something that is very similar to that. I mean, the name is
different...
Kathryn Joosten: Guantanamo play...
Rich Sommer: ...is, essentially, exactly the same position.
Alison Brie: Oh.
Rich Sommer: Plus, I sort of feel like that whole sexy terrorist thing, it's a bit played out.
Kathryn Joosten: It's over
Alison Brie: It's okay. We do have one other thing, but I don't think it's very exciting.
Rich Sommer: Well, we're all here. Let's try it.
Alison Brie: Okay, it's just a silly little game we call, bad dog.
The video freeze-frame's for a moment and the following text appears: BAD-DOG.
Alison Brie: You know when your puppy isn't trained and he poos on the
carpet and you rub his nose in it to keep him from doing it again?
Rich Sommer nods in agreement.
Alison Brie: It's just that.
Kathryn Joosten: Could you run that by me one more time?
Alison Brie: Sure. My husband defecates in my pubic hair, then I smack him on the nose and force him to rub his face in it.
Kathryn Joosten and Rich Sommer say nothing.
Alison Brie: I know. Boring.
Kathryn Joosten and Rich Sommer look at each other.
Rich Sommer: That is adorable. It's so refreshing. It has a sort of 50's style innocence to it.
Kathryn Joosten: We have a lot of scat based patents on the books.
Rich Sommer: Obviously.
Kathryn Joosten: We have brown magic. Muddy dump truck. Meet Mr. Chocolate. But nothing as cute as this.
Rich Sommer: Plus, I think that teenagers are going to love this.
Kathryn Joosten: Oh yes.
Rich Sommer: They're going to hear the name bad dog and they're going to be, what's that? I want to play.
Alison Brie: You're not just saying that.
Rich Sommer: Absolutely not. (Rich Sommer stamps a form) Mrs. Daniels, congratulations and give our best to your husband.
Alison Brie: Will do!
Alison Brie gets up and leaves the office.
Kathryn Joosten: She reminds me of my granddaughter.
Rich Sommer: Yeah, she's such a sweetie and what a charming idea.
Kathryn Joosten: I've never been very big on back mess. Front mess is okay, but back mess...
Rich Sommer: No? Not for you? Well different strokes for different folks, I suppose. Next!
The shot cuts credits.
STARRING
KATHRYN JOOSTEN
RICH SOMMER
AND
ALISON BRIE
WRITTEN & DIRECTED BY
DREW PEARCE
PRODUCED BY
THE FUNNY OR DIE TEAM
The shot cuts to the following: THE COMMITTEE.
The video ends.
Social ON
