One of the greatest Christmas movies of all time gets a Semitic makeover.

Full Credits

Director: Bryan Madole
Writer(s): Todd Waldman, Phil Rosenthal
Producer: Sean Dacanay
Executive Producer: Ben Sheehan
CAST
Phil Rosenthal
Dan Lippert
Clayton Long
CREW
Production Coordinator: Christine Medrano
Editor: Hannah Levy
Director Of Photography: Scott G. Field
1st AC: Robert Kramig
Gaffer: Charlie Gibson
Electrician: Reed Choinsky
Key Grip: David Kitchner
Best Boy Grip: Tommy Oceanak
Production Designer: Susie Mancini
Art Assistant: Clint Harris
Wardrobe Stylist: Michelle Thompson
Hair/Makeup Artist: Erin Blinn
Sound: Danny Carpenter for BoTown Sound
Graphics: Shawn James
VFX: Kegan Swyers
VO: Mel Shiner
PA: Matt Myers

Stats & Data

1,201Funny
540Die
66,351
Views
December 13, 2015
Published

Transcript

[music]
Mel Shiner: Male Voiceover: It's Christmas Eve in LA, and
Mel Shiner: within the skyscraper
high above the city, a team
Mel Shiner: of super thieves has
declared war.
Mel Shiner: Now with panic setting
in there's just one man
Mel Shiner: who can stop them.
[music stops]
Phil Rosenthal: Sure, come out to the
coast. We'll have a few laughs.
[speaks foreign language]
Alan Rickman: Who are you then?
Phil Rosenthal: John, John McCohen.
Hello, Mr. Gruber are
Phil Rosenthal: you there? Hello?
Hello?
Phil Rosenthal: I wish my nephew Jason
was here. He would show
Phil Rosenthal: me how to work
the damn thing.
Alan Rickman: Do you really think you
have a chance against us
Alan Rickman: Mr. Cowboy?
Phil Rosenthal: Yes, I know the odds
aren't very good.
Phil Rosenthal: But, if you remember
the story, the oil in
Phil Rosenthal: the lamp was only supposed
to last one night.
Phil Rosenthal: It lasted 8.
Mel Shiner: Male Voiceover: He's the
wrong guy, in the wrong
Mel Shiner: Male Voiceover: place, at the wrong time.
Phil Rosenthal: Whoa! Whoa!
Shh!
Mel Shiner: Male Voiceover: He's not a
lover, and
Mel Shiner: Male Voiceover: he's certainly not
a fighter.
Phil Rosenthal: We have to do this--
Phil Rosenthal: I know a very nice
coffee shop--
Thief: Ah!
Ah!
Phil Rosenthal: I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Phil Rosenthal: Please here take this.
This is my doctor,
Phil Rosenthal: Doctor Colin.
Great orthopedics.
Phil Rosenthal: Tell him I sent you,
because I literally sent you.
[automatic gun fire]
Phil Rosenthal: This is a terrible
Hanukah party.
Phil Rosenthal: Boy look at this.
What the hell?
Phil Rosenthal: I can't leave this for
the lady.
Phil Rosenthal: Hello people, listen.
I think I got most of it,
Phil Rosenthal: but I think there's some
bits of glass.
Phil Rosenthal: If you're coming up,
please wear a well soled
Phil Rosenthal: shoe with a good heal.
Mel Shiner: Male Voiceover: He can't
shoot his way out, but
Mel Shiner: Male Voiceover: he can schmooze
his way out.
Phil Rosenthal: Why are you doing this?
Dan Lippert: We're here for the
bearer bonds from Nakatomi Plaza.
Phil Rosenthal: Bearer bonds? What's
that like a 4% percent yield?
Dan Lippert: You have a better
suggestion Mr. McCohen?
Phil Rosenthal: My brother-in-law
runs a mutual fund,
Phil Rosenthal: and not only do you get a
great return, but it's
Phil Rosenthal: conscientious. I only
invest now in green companies.
Phil Rosenthal: Companies that give back
a little bit. So your
Phil Rosenthal: money's not only working
for you, it's helping other people.
Dan Lippert: Really? So...
Dan Lippert: so, what are
we doing here?
Phil Rosenthal: This is my question
to you.
Phil Rosenthal: Here's what you do.
You take your bad habits,
Phil Rosenthal: shooting, blowing things
up, stealing, and turn
Phil Rosenthal: them into a good habit:
helping out at the school,
Phil Rosenthal: or your church, or anywhere
there's people in need.
Phil Rosenthal: You'll feel better about
yourself.
Dan Lippert: You have no idea.
I am wound so tight.
Dan Lippert: You know, and talk about
horrible bosses, Hans Gruber,
Dan Lippert: is the worse.
Phil Rosenthal: Well you wouldn't want
trade places with Hans
Phil Rosenthal: Gruber, because when
Hans Gruber wakes up
Phil Rosenthal: in the morning he has to
be him. You get to be you.
Dan Lippert: I want to be me.
Phil Rosenthal: Be the best you,
you can be.
Dan Lippert: I want to be the best
me I can be.
Dan Lippert: You remind me of
my father.
[He's whining]
Mel Shiner: Male Voiceover: You've
never met an action hero
Mel Shiner: Male Voiceover: like John McCohen.
Mel Shiner: Male Voiceover: This holiday season,
he'll have you jumping for
Mel Shiner: Male Voiceover: joy.
[explosions]
[music]
Phil Rosenthal: Yippee Ki-yay [foreign phrase]
[series of swooshes]
[door hinge swinging]

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