Hey there DBs and Frenemies.
You scared the shit out of me.
Loretta Jenkins here issuin' in a new era.
Loretta Jenkins here usherin' in some...
Seein' as how we startin' off a brand new season 4,
I figured I'd introduce y'all to somethin'
we here in the entertainment industry calls 'webseries.'
Now they's two kinds.
They's the ones that's basically indie shows
what if they had some funding would be on
them fancy, shmancy FCC cable channels.
You know them kinds I gotta blow
the cable guy fo
lessen he ain't a dude.
And the others' just some stoned,
unemployed film grads with some
and you watch just one episode
and you just pretend like you watch the rest.
we all guilty of it.
My first webseries review
is a good one though.
It's from across the pond
and it's called 'The Bloody Mary Show.'
And I believe you supposed to watch it
drinkin' bloody marys
and man, anything that makes you
wanna watch it and drink at the same time
I swear to God, if I was an eater,
I'd just pick up this stalk of celery
and just chomp and chew
a whole big ol' mouthful of it
just cause it's so good.
I'm gonna try that right now.
How many pounds you reckon I gained just then.
I hate that shit!
God, I feel fat.
I figure if I was branchin' out to cover the webseries
that I might as well start with the britcoms
cause as you can see
I live an Absolutely Fabulous lifestyle,
And, they can even show tits on they TV.
Punked your ass!
Y'all horndogs thought you was gonna
get a look at my titties!
Y'all fuckin' pervs.
I thought Bloody Mary
was when you got your period.
No, that's Aunt Flo.
Shit, my Aunt Flo...
She don't give a shit.
She ain't visited me in a long time.
I don't even miss her.
Man that happened to me one time.
I was down at the lake.
Shit, I'm glad they wasn't no gators around.
Them snappers woulda snacked
on my snatch, probably.
I wonder if that's where I got them crabs from.
Can you get crabs from crawdaddies?
I thought that show was gonna be all scary and shit,
cause there was these two
little cuntnuggets sittin' there with a candle goin'
"Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary..."
And then Bloody Mary,
she supposed to appear out of nowhere
and then she's supposed to like
rip your face off or some shit like that.
I don't know how the poem go.
And then the bitch,
she was all NICE!
And I was like wait!
Cut, cut, cut!
Come on now, don't tease me
with no child slaughterin'!
You just dangle it in my face
and then just snatch it away
like you some hung motherfucker!
Damn, now I got dick on the brain.
What's British peckers like?
Somebody tweets me a dick picture.
Where my phone?
Man, British accents make me horny as hell.
Y'all member that!
I don't even know how they learned
about this American folktale
cause I was under the impression
you wasn't supposed to holler out 'Bloody Mary'
on a count of what happened
when people hollered out
'Beetlejuice' and 'Candyman'
and all that kind of shit.
And when they fed the Gremlins!
1...2...Freddy cummin' on you.
I can't get off of this coughin' spell.
Lord, I feel like death's comin' any day now.
My favorite character is that Grim Reaper dude.
But he got a secret, y'all.
He be takin' it up the shitter!
Least I reckon he's a bottom.
I ain't never seen no Skeleto
with a Johnson, has you?
How he gonna have a pecker with no flesh.
It's a BONER,
not a bone!
What you think you gonna come up
with a dick with no Skeletor...
I feel sorry for that feller,
cause he probably gotta use a strap on now.
like anybody whatever had they pecke
blowed off in the war,
or had some at home firecracker mishap.
they gots to wear them.
I feel rightly sad for 'em.
Not sad enough to let anyone of them fuck me,
but I would send a condolence card.
You reckon they have a specific
flower arrangement for that?
Let's think what got
a penis shootin' out of it.
They got a pecker in 'em.
I don't know.
I ain't no biologist.
Oh and y'all didn't know
I suffer from sleep paralysis,
but I'll do a HISI on that later.
But they got they own ghost on the show for that!
I mean hell,
ain't it bad enough I got this sleep disorder,
without you havin' to give me this visual
of this fat, scary Clown Lady
BOOIN' at me!?!
Thanks for that, Assholes!
Anyway, this show is funnier than hell.
Not as funny as ME funny,
but it run a close second.
It's like Buffy and The Office,
if The Office were ever funny,
but it wasn't.
But here's a few things
I want y'all Redcoats to fix for the future.
Get that Bloody gal a new man
that ain't got to drink.
That make me sad for her,
and I don't like emotions.
How come she can't fuck a mortal man?
Who say? Who law?
There ain't no God!
Y'all just makin' that shit up.
It ain't like she got a whole lotta straight dick
trollin' around the pub.
If you keep the drunk,
take off his clothes!
He ought not to be wearin' clothes ever!
Ain't y'all allowed to show peckers over there?
You could sex it up a little more.
have Mary pull out her titty
once and a while.
Offer me a guest spot!
I hope that after this 5-star review,
they have me come play
Goddess Momma of all the
Big Tittied Succubi.
I'd wear a crown
and tits covered in glitter!
And that's How I Seize It.
Check out this link
and entertain youselves, Bitches!
Tell 'em Lo sent ya!