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Gays may not be welcome in Russia, but this reporter is willing to do anything to... more »
Published February 18, 2014 7k views More Info »
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Writer/Reporter - Bryan Safi
Producer/Director - Rachel Goldenberg
Producer - Ally Hord
Coordinator - Becca Scheuer
Editor - Pat Bishop
Production Assistant - Ashley Holloway
DP - Aaron Ulrich
Gaffer - Igor Tochilnikov
BB Electric - Armando Ballesteros
Key Grip - Ian Thomas
Prod Designer - Kyle Smith
Art Assistant - Mike Stanislawski
Wardrobe - Derya Derman
Makeup - Carleigh Herbert
Sound - Alex Hutchinson
Intern - Edgar Castillo
349 Funny Votes
70 Die Votes
6,987 Views
Published February 18, 2014

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- TIM KALCHNOR IS THERE TO GIVE US

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HERE AT HOME A FIRST HAND LOOK AT

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EVERYTHING FROM THE GAMES TO THE

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CULTURE, AND OF COURSE THE ATMOSPHERE.

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- HELLO!

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IT'S ME AGAIN. WELL I MADE IT IN TO SOCHI, TECHNICALLY.

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I MEAN TECHNICALLY I DON'T KNOW WHAT

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THE AIR SPACE LAWS ARE IN RUSSIA, BUT

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I'M DEFINITELY 3000 FEET ABOVE SOCHI,

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BECAUSE I WOULD MUCH RATHER FREE FALL TO

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MY DEATH THAN BE ATTACKED BY AN ANGRY

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MOB OF HOMOPHOBIC RUSSIANS FOR TELLING

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JOHNNY WEIR, "NICE PUMPS."

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OH, AND BY THE WAY, HE WON, AND SHE WON.

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THAT'S THE RECAP.

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SO TODAY IS A VERY EXCITING DAY.

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LADIES FIGURE SKATING.

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WE'VE GOT USA'S ASHLEY WAGNER FACING OFF

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AGAINST SOUTH KOREA'S KIM YU-NA.

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LET'S CHECK IT OUT.

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OKAY, ASHLEY WAGNER SKATING UP, AND

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SHE'S-- WOAH, SHE'S DOING A SALCHOW,

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AND NOW SHE'S DOING A TRIPLE FLIP LUTZ BOMB.

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AND SHE'S SPINNING, SPINNING...SPINNING.

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CROSS SPIN.

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NOW SHE'S...DOING A WIG DANCE, AND

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DOING ALL THE MOVES THAT SHE NEEDS TO DO

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TO MAKE SURE THAT THE SKATES ARE ON THE FEET--

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COULD I JUST SAY SOMETHING?

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I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING, BECAUSE FIGURE

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SKATING IS INDOORS, AND I'M IN A HOT AIR BALLOON.

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THE ONLY EVENT I WANTED TO SEE AT THIS OLYMPICS

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WAS THE FIGURE SKATING. NO OFFENSE.

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WE COULD'VE HAD THE OLYMPICS ANYWHERE ELSE.

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THERE'S NO HUMAN RIGHTS HERE.

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THERE'S NOT EVEN SNOW.

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WE COULD'VE HAD THESE IN PHOENIX.

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ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS TO SEE SOME

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FUCKING SKATING, AND MAYBE BUY A NESTING DOLL,

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BUT THAT WAS IT.

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BACK TO YOU!

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- HEY TIM, THANKS SO MUCH YOU'RE DOING A

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GREAT JOB OUT THERE BUDDY.

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- YEP, BE SAFE BUDDY.

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- [sigh] OH, GOD.

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