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Gays may not be welcome in Russia, but this reporter is willing to do anything to... more »
Published February 18, 2014 7.1k views More Info »
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Writer/Reporter - Bryan Safi
Producer/Director - Rachel Goldenberg
Producer - Ally Hord
Coordinator - Becca Scheuer
Editor - Pat Bishop
Production Assistant - Ashley Holloway
DP - Aaron Ulrich
Gaffer - Igor Tochilnikov
BB Electric - Armando Ballesteros
Key Grip - Ian Thomas
Prod Designer - Kyle Smith
Art Assistant - Mike Stanislawski
Wardrobe - Derya Derman
Makeup - Carleigh Herbert
Sound - Alex Hutchinson
Intern - Edgar Castillo
355 Funny Votes
70 Die Votes
7,081 Views
Published February 18, 2014

- TIM KALCHNOR IS THERE TO GIVE US
HERE AT HOME A FIRST HAND LOOK AT
EVERYTHING FROM THE GAMES TO THE
CULTURE, AND OF COURSE THE ATMOSPHERE.
- HELLO!
IT'S ME AGAIN. WELL I MADE IT IN TO SOCHI, TECHNICALLY.
I MEAN TECHNICALLY I DON'T KNOW WHAT
THE AIR SPACE LAWS ARE IN RUSSIA, BUT
I'M DEFINITELY 3000 FEET ABOVE SOCHI,
BECAUSE I WOULD MUCH RATHER FREE FALL TO
MY DEATH THAN BE ATTACKED BY AN ANGRY
MOB OF HOMOPHOBIC RUSSIANS FOR TELLING
JOHNNY WEIR, "NICE PUMPS."
OH, AND BY THE WAY, HE WON, AND SHE WON.
THAT'S THE RECAP.
SO TODAY IS A VERY EXCITING DAY.
LADIES FIGURE SKATING.
WE'VE GOT USA'S ASHLEY WAGNER FACING OFF
AGAINST SOUTH KOREA'S KIM YU-NA.
LET'S CHECK IT OUT.
OKAY, ASHLEY WAGNER SKATING UP, AND
SHE'S-- WOAH, SHE'S DOING A SALCHOW,
AND NOW SHE'S DOING A TRIPLE FLIP LUTZ BOMB.
AND SHE'S SPINNING, SPINNING...SPINNING.
CROSS SPIN.
NOW SHE'S...DOING A WIG DANCE, AND
DOING ALL THE MOVES THAT SHE NEEDS TO DO
TO MAKE SURE THAT THE SKATES ARE ON THE FEET--
COULD I JUST SAY SOMETHING?
I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING, BECAUSE FIGURE
SKATING IS INDOORS, AND I'M IN A HOT AIR BALLOON.
THE ONLY EVENT I WANTED TO SEE AT THIS OLYMPICS
WAS THE FIGURE SKATING. NO OFFENSE.
WE COULD'VE HAD THE OLYMPICS ANYWHERE ELSE.
THERE'S NO HUMAN RIGHTS HERE.
THERE'S NOT EVEN SNOW.
WE COULD'VE HAD THESE IN PHOENIX.
ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS TO SEE SOME
FUCKING SKATING, AND MAYBE BUY A NESTING DOLL,
BUT THAT WAS IT.
BACK TO YOU!
- HEY TIM, THANKS SO MUCH YOU'RE DOING A
GREAT JOB OUT THERE BUDDY.
- YEP, BE SAFE BUDDY.
- [sigh] OH, GOD.

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