Simple Dating Tips : A Guide To Not Dying Alone

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SIMPLE DATING TIPS

I’ve never been to this restaurant before.Is the food any good?

The food’s fine, but it’s pretty hard on my digestive system. The last time I ate here, I spent the next eight days

squirting out hot, liquid diarhea.

My anus hadn’t been in that much pain since I was in a maximum security prison.

Tip 1: Don’t discuss feces

That’s odd. I spent eight years in a maximum security prison, and my anus was just fine. Though my tongue was permanently

dehydrated from all the vagina I was forced to eat. But really, I shouldn’t have been there in the first place. Stuffing

your children’s orifices with heroine-filled condoms and crossing state lines is a victimless crime.

Tip 2: Don’t have children

Would you care to order now?

What’s that supposed to mean, tough guy? Are you trying to cock-block me, Homie?! Why, I ought to punch him right in the

goddamn throat!

Tip 3: don’t wear skinny ties.

Yes, with just these three simple tips, you too will find success in the dating world, or my name isn’t Datelus MacVerjen.

Though it does help if you’re also incredibly attractive and/or independently wealthy.

Another tip is, if you’re a guy, never bring up the fact that you have an Undersized baby wiener. And if you’re a woman,

don’t discuss your floppy, dangling, monstrous clitoris.

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