The video opens with the text – Justin Bartha talks to ZACH
GALIFIANAKIS. Retching can be heard in the background. The shot cuts to
Zach Galifianakis bent over and violently retching. Eventually he turns
and sits down, looking very ill. A person that is off-screen attempts
to put makeup on Zach Galifianakis.
Zach Galifianakis: No, it’s good. It’s good. I’m gonna use it. I’m gonna use it.
Zach Galifianakis gathers himself and takes several deep breaths.
Zach Galifianakis: Ok, let’s do this. I’ll just warn you that, uh, I
talked about myself so much the other day that I passed out.
The off-screen person once again tries to put makeup on Zach Galifianakis.
Zach Galifianakis: What is that?
Make-up Artist: It’s just makeup. Do you mind if I put a little on.
Zach Galifianakis: Ok.
Make-up Artist: Fantastic.
Zach Galifianakis: Is the Schweppes here? Just a can of Schweppes. I’m
Zach Galifianakis and the first movie I remember seeing was, uh, uh.
The first one I remember seeing (there is a prolonged pause) Toy Story.
Justin Bartha: And what affect did that have on you?
Zach Galifianakis: I didn’t have any affect on me whatsoever. I don’t
like cartoons. I used to do characters and skits and spoofs. I did a
lot of spoofs. I used to do idiot mean as a teapot. The first movie
that made me think about acting, um, the first movie that…
Zach Galifianakis falls out of his chair. There is considerable
banging. Zach Galifianakis gets back up into his chair and acts as
though nothing has happened.
Zach Galifianakis: Grease. Did I have any odd jobs in the city? Yeah, what job didn’t I have?
Justin Bartha: Ha.
Zach Galifianakis: I used to work for the guys who did the videos fo
Bum Fights. I used to go to see a bum on 8th Avenue and say, “Hey,
there’s a hobo talking about you in Tompkins Square Park.” And then I
would have them meet and then the video guys would come down and film
it. So that was my first break in the business. (Turns to someone
off-camera) What’s that? Schweppes is here? Ok, just let me know.
Zach Galifianakis rocks back and forth in his chair over and over again, making it squeak.
Zach Galifianakis: Acting, for me, is confusing. I’ve never known any
of my lines, but somehow it works out. Like, it takes a long time when
the other actors get frustrated with me. A lot of times I don’t know
what’s going on because the film goes inside the camera and then all of
a sudden the film captures you. The people, they’re not inside the
camera are they? It’s like, um, it makes your mind race and (stuttering
and confusion). That’s not a dragon that’s idiot mean. (Zach
Galifianakis affects a British accent) Would you like some tea? Idiot
mean it, would you like some tea?
Zach Galifianakis whistles. The video cuts to credits.
Director Justin Bartha
Cinematographer Andrew Simkiss
Sound Matt Creed
Gaffer Ash Fuller
Zach Galifianakis (voiceover): Did the Schweppes come in?
Producer Justin Bartha
Editor Andrew Simkiss
Craft Services Ash Fuller
Chair Apple Box
Zach Galifianakis: No Schweppes. No Schweppes? Is there a Schweppes?