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The video opens with the text – Justin Bartha talks to ZACH GALIFIANAKIS. Retching can be heard in the background. The shot cuts to Zach Galifianakis bent over and violently retching. Eventually he turns and sits down, looking very ill. A person that is off-screen attempts to put makeup on Zach Galifianakis.

Zach Galifianakis: No, it’s good. It’s good. I’m gonna use it. I’m gonna use it.

Zach Galifianakis gathers himself and takes several deep breaths.

Zach Galifianakis: Ok, let’s do this. I’ll just warn you that, uh, I talked about myself so much the other day that I passed out.

The off-screen person once again tries to put makeup on Zach Galifianakis.

Zach Galifianakis: What is that?

Make-up Artist: It’s just makeup. Do you mind if I put a little on.

Zach Galifianakis: Ok.

Make-up Artist: Fantastic.

Zach Galifianakis: Is the Schweppes here? Just a can of Schweppes. I’m Zach Galifianakis and the first movie I remember seeing was, uh, uh. The first one I remember seeing (there is a prolonged pause) Toy Story.

Justin Bartha: And what affect did that have on you?

Zach Galifianakis: I didn’t have any affect on me whatsoever. I don’t like cartoons. I used to do characters and skits and spoofs. I did a lot of spoofs. I used to do idiot mean as a teapot. The first movie that made me think about acting, um, the first movie that…

Zach Galifianakis falls out of his chair. There is considerable banging. Zach Galifianakis gets back up into his chair and acts as though nothing has happened.

Zach Galifianakis: Grease. Did I have any odd jobs in the city? Yeah, what job didn’t I have?

Justin Bartha: Ha.

Zach Galifianakis: I used to work for the guys who did the videos for Bum Fights. I used to go to see a bum on 8th Avenue and say, “Hey, there’s a hobo talking about you in Tompkins Square Park.” And then I would have them meet and then the video guys would come down and film it. So that was my first break in the business. (Turns to someone off-camera) What’s that? Schweppes is here? Ok, just let me know.

Zach Galifianakis rocks back and forth in his chair over and over again, making it squeak.

Zach Galifianakis: Acting, for me, is confusing. I’ve never known any of my lines, but somehow it works out. Like, it takes a long time when the other actors get frustrated with me. A lot of times I don’t know what’s going on because the film goes inside the camera and then all of a sudden the film captures you. The people, they’re not inside the camera are they? It’s like, um, it makes your mind race and (stuttering and confusion). That’s not a dragon that’s idiot mean. (Zach Galifianakis affects a British accent) Would you like some tea? Idiot mean it, would you like some tea?

Zach Galifianakis whistles. The video cuts to credits.

Director Justin Bartha

Cinematographer Andrew Simkiss

Sound Matt Creed

Gaffer Ash Fuller

Zach Galifianakis (voiceover): Did the Schweppes come in?

Producer Justin Bartha

Editor Andrew Simkiss

Craft Services Ash Fuller

Chair Apple Box

Zach Galifianakis: No Schweppes. No Schweppes? Is there a Schweppes?

Copyright Justin Bartha 2009