or
Trying to find a good massage therapist can be a real nightmare.
Published August 24, 2014 66k views More Info »
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Starring- Brian Huskey, Nick Swardson, John Farley, Sunny Mabrey, Mike Sica, Brian Hunt, Jason Rennebu and Saxon Anderson
Written by Nick Swardson
Directed by Nicholaus Goossen
Director of Photography - Matt Irwin
1st AC - Jefri Meintjtes
Gaffer -David Cronin
Key Grip - Dom D'Astice
Production Designer - Tricia Robertson
Wardrobe Stylist - Michelle Thompson
Make Up Artist - Amy Mills and Brenna Haukedahl
Sound Mixer - Shannon Deane for BoTown Sound
1st Assistant Director - Sean Decanay
Production Assistant - Michael McAlister
Unit Production Manager - Jacob Geller
Editor - Chris Poole
Producer - Sean Boyle

1

>: AGAIN, I'M SO SORRY FOR
THE DELAY, BUT YOUR

2

MASSAGE THERAPIST IS RUNNING
A LITTLE BIT LATE.

3

>: OH, THAT'S OK.
>: BY THE WAY, HE REALLY IS THE BEST.

4

I THINK YOU'RE IN
FOR A TREAT (chuckles).

5

6

(door closes)

7

8

(he exhales)

9

10

>: SORRY I'M LATE.
>: NO WORRIES.

11

>: TRAFFIC WAS TERRIBLE.
>: YEAH, I CAN IMAGINE.

12

>: GIMME ONE SECOND.

13

14

ALRIGHT, SO WHAT ARE
WE DOING HERE, SWEDISH,

15

SHIATSU, DEEP TISSUE--
>: UMM...

16

>: --ANY PRESSURE LEVEL?
>: WELL, YEAH, MY LOWER

17

BACK HERE... WOAH, WOAH...
FUCK MAN.

18

>: IS THERE A SPIDER?
>: NO, YOU'RE DRESSED LIKE

19

A FUCKING CLOWN MAN.
>: OH, OH. SORRY,

20

I CAME FROM A KID'S PARTY.
THAT'S MY OTHER JOB.

21

I DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO CHANGE,
SO I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT.

22

>: YOU GOTTA GIVE PEOPLE A
HEADS UP ABOUT THAT KIND OF THING.

23

>: OK, YEAH. SORRY
ABOUT THAT.
>: YOU CAME

24

RECOMMENDED, BUT
NOT AS A CLOWN.

25

>: ANYWAY, JUST BREATHE.
WE'LL DO DEEP TISSUE. AND

26

YOU WANT SOME MUSIC?
>: OH, YEAH, YEAH.

27

>: OK, HOLD ON.

28

(atmospheric sound of kids
laughing and playing)

29

>: WAIT, WAIT... WHAT IS THAT?

30

>: OH, IT'S THE SOUND
OF KIDS LAUGHING. THE MOST

31

JOYOUS SOUND IN THE WORLD.
>: NO, IT'S WEIRD.

32

IT SOUNDS LIKE A DEMONIC
ORPHANAGE - TAKE IT OFF.

33

PLEASE?
>: YEAH, SURE.

34

35

YEAH, JUST BREATHE MARK.

36

RELAX, ANYWAY, WE'LL GET
DEEP TISSUE IN HERE GOING.

37

>: Mark: FEELS AMAZING.

38

39

MAYBE YOU CAN FOCUS ON THAT AREA,
AND THEN LIKE MAYBE MY LEGS.

40

>: ALRIGHT...

41

LET'S GET INTO IT HERE.

42

>: OH WOW. GOD,
IT FEELS LIKE YOU'RE ALL OVER

43

MY BODY AT ONCE.
HOW DO YOU DO THAT?

44

>: SORRY I'M LATE.

45

>: (he screams)
FUCK, WHAT THE FUCK?

46

JESUS CHRIST, MAN.
>: I'M SORRY, THIS IS
MY PARTNER--

47

>: YEAH.
>: --WE WORK THE SAME
KIDS PARTY.

48

YEAH, THAT'S WHY PEOPLE LOVE
OUR MASSAGES, BECAUSE

49

WE DO IT AT THE SAME TIME
SO WE CAN GET YOUR WHOLE

50

BODY AT ONCE.

51

>: OK, ONE CLOWN IS BARELY
TOLERABLE, BARELY, BUT

52

TWO CLOWNS IS ENTERING
NIGHTMARE TERRITORY.

53

>: I GET IT. SO WHAT YOU'RE
SAYING IS YOU HAVE A

54

PROBLEM WITH TWO CLOWNS
MASSAGING YOU AT ONCE?

55

>: YEAH. BINGO.

56

>: OK--
>: WOW--

57

>: --WELL, LOOK, MARK JUST
BREATHE, RELAX, WE'RE

58

VERY GOOD AT WHAT WE DO.
MAYBE THIS WILL HELP.

59

>: AH...

60

(creepy atmospheric
sounds of kids playing)

61

>: N-NO, STOP IT. ST-TURN
IT OFF. TURN IT OFF!

62

>: WELL THAT'S ODD.
>: THAT WAS A GOOD TUNE.

63

>: LOOK, I DON'T WANT TO BE
REMINDED THAT YOU GUYS

64

ARE CLOWNS, ALRIGHT...

65

>: W-WAIT, MARK YOU'RE VERY
TENSE RIGHT NOW--
>: YEAH.

66

>: --AND YOU'RE GETTING TENSER.
THAT'S BAD.

67

LET US JUST DO OUR JOB.
GIVE US 10 MINUTES.

68

THAT'S ALL WE ASK. WE WON'T
CHARGE YOU OK. THIS MASSAGE

69

IS ON THE HOUSE.
>: ON THE HOUSE.

70

>: GIVE US 10 MINUTES, AND
IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, YOU

71

CAN LEAVE.
>: OK, 10 MINUTES.

72

I'M GOING TO LAY ON MY BACK.
>: WE'RE NOT CLOWNS

73

RIGHT NOW--
>: NO.

74

>: JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES.
>: NOT AT ALL.

75

>: YOU'RE NOT IN A CLOWN
WORLD AT ALL.
>: NO...

76

>: (whispers) 1st Clown:
DON'T DO ANYTHING WEIRD.
>: 2nd Clown: NO WORRIES.

77

WE'RE NOT CLOWNS--
>: Mark: THAT DOES NOT HELP.

78

>: --WE'RE NOT CLOWNS.
>: OKAY, STOP, CALLING OUT THE

79

CLOWN THING. JUST STOP IT.
>: YEAH, RIGHT.

80

>: I CAN'T IMAGINE WHAT A
HAPPY ENDING WOULD BE

81

LIKE WITH YOU GUYS.

82

>: WE CAN DO THAT.
>: WHAT?

83

(circus music plays)

84

>: N-NO, NO... NO-NO.

85

(several clowns are
giggling in a creepy way)

86

>: NO...

87

(creepy clown cackle continues)

88

(inaudible)

89

90

NO MORE, NO MORE CLOWN.

91

>: (demonic clown voice)
JUST RELAX.

92

>: NO MORE CLOWNS.
>: WOULD YOU LIKE

93

YOUR PENIS TIED INTO A
GIRAFFE OR A BICYCLE? (laughs)

94

LEAVE IT AS A PENIS.
LEAVE IT AS A PENIS!

95

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