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Just in time for the Super Bowl. 100% true.
Published January 31, 2014 1.3k views More Info ยป
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Directed by Josiah Powell
PA: Laura Malone Hunt
Special Thanks: Matthew Kane
59 Funny Votes
89 Die Votes
1,292 Views
Published January 31, 2014
The first game of football was in 1993
The first play of that first game resulted in a broken knee
Just a few plays later you could count the rolling heads

Football was a game for real men willing to die
We would gather their remains, I'd eat them alive (It's true!)
Football was a real game back then, that is no lie
Football is the game for cannibal guys (That's us, we're cannibals!)

The second game of football was in 1983
Ten years before the first game, yes, we have a time machine
Ten years before the first game, yes, we have a time machine
Ten years before, ten years before... It's fixed!
We landed on the field, we descended from the skies
I slow-roasted their bones; I ate them fried (Yum!)

Football was a game for real men willing to die
We would gather their remains, nobody survived
Football was a real game back then, that is no lie
Football is the game for these two guys (We eat people)

The final game of football was in 1987
John Elway was the quarterback sent to us from heaven
Against all odds, he kept Denver alive
And so we let him live because that's what we call the drive (Ahhhhh)

Football was a game for real men willing to drive
John Elway drove 'em down the field and that's why he survived
Football was a real game back then, that is no lie
We're going to eat John Elway when he dies!
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