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While packing for his new job, a rabid USC superfan begs Coach Pete Carroll to stay.
Patience is overrated...
Patience is overrated...
The video opens with the following text: Former USC Coach Pete Carroll's
House. 10am. The shot cuts to Pete Carroll packing a bag in his
bedroom. He picks up a USC hat and Seattle Seahawks hat. He drops the
USC hat back onto the bed and puts the Seahawks hat into the bag.
Pete Carroll: Jeez, I guess I won't be needing these. Where'd I get all
these flip-flops.
Pete Carroll pulls several pairs of flip-flops out of his bag and puts
them on the bed. A knock is heard in the background.
Rob Riggle (offscreen): Coach? Don't tell me I'm too late, coach. Don't
tell me you're in Seattle.
Pete Carroll looks around and then walks out the room. The shot cuts to a
door. Rob Riggle can be seen through the door, wearing lots of USC
gear.
Rob Riggle: Coach?
The shot cuts to outside the door and Rob Riggle looks through the glass
in the door. He sees Pete Carroll approaching. Pete Carroll opens the
door.
Rob Riggle: Coach Carroll! Oh God, I'm so glad you're still here. I
thought you'd already gone to Seattle.
Pete Carroll stares at Rob Riggle without recognition.
Rob Riggle: It's Rob. Rob of Troy! Hello? I'm at every game, coach.
Pete Carroll: Oh yeah, right.
Rob Riggle: I'm in the tailgates. I bleed cardinal and gold. You gotta
know.
Pete Carroll: Well, you know, I bleed cardinal and gold, too. It was
awesome, but Seattle, it's a great opportunity. I gotta go.
Rob Riggle: Seattle? I hope you like granola with you're rain. Ohhhhh.
Seriously coach, there's nothing up there but miles and miles of grungy,
latte swilling, Frasier fans.
Rob Riggle gives a double thumbs down while making a prolonged fart
noise. He follows this up with alternating fart and vomit sounds. Pete
Carroll looks, in turns, concerned and horrified by this display.
Rob Riggle: You don't want that, coach!
Pete Carroll (while closing the door): Yeah, okay. See ya.
Rob Riggle: Love you coach. (through the door) Think about what I'm
saying coach!
The shot cuts to Pete Carroll returning to his bedroom.
Pete Carroll: Boy, that guy was creepy.
Music can be heard coming from outside. Pete Carroll walks over to the
window and pulls the blinds out of the way. Rob Riggle can be seen
outside holding a small radio over his head.
Rob Riggle: Coach! Coach! You complete me!
Pete Carroll: That's not even the right movie.
Pete Carroll turns away from the window to find Rob Riggle standing
right behind him in the bedroom.
Rob Riggle: Hey, coach.
Pete Carroll (startled): Hey! Whoa!
Rob Riggle: Caught you on the blindside. Always gotta have your head on a
swivel. Am I right? Hey, coach, if you're not going to do it for me,
you can at least do it for my daughter.
Rob Riggle turns to reveal Aubrey Plaza standing behind him.
Pete Carroll: Whoa! Where the heck did she come from?
Aubrey Plaza (to Pete Carroll): Why do you have so many flip-flops?
Rob Riggle: He's the coach of the Trojans, honey. He can have as many
flip-flops as he likes.
Pete Carroll: Hey, will you guys get out of my house?
Rob Riggle: She's really a big fan of yours, coach.
Aubrey Plaza (to Pete Carroll): Who are you?
Rob Riggle laughs.
Rob Riggle: She's a kidder.
Pete Carroll: You guys need to get out of my house. Come on. Let's go.
Pete Carroll escorts them out of his bedroom. The shot cuts to the top
of a stairway.
Rob Riggle (to Pete Carroll): You got any beef jerky?
Pete Carroll: No. No. Will you guys get out of here.
There is shelving and Aubrey Plaza tries to grab some things off the
shelf. Rob Riggle grabs her hands and nudges her toward the stairs.
Rob Riggle (to Aubrey Plaza): Stop it. Stop it.
Aubrey Plaza: Give it to me.
Rob Riggle: Stop it. Hey, coach, if we go are you going to stay?
Pete Carroll: No, I'm not staying. I'm going.
Rob Riggle: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Is that a real no or a Brett Favre no?
Pete Carroll: It's a real no. Now, come on, get out of here.
Pete Carroll continues to heard Rob Riggle and Aubrey Plaza down the
stairs.
Aubrey Plaza: Are you ever going to come back? Not that I care.
Pete Carroll: Yes. Yes, I am coming back on February 20, there's a
benefit for a better LA at LA live. You're gonna see Will Ferrell and
his friends Rob Riggle and Aubrey Plaza and some other friends.
Rob Riggle gives a thumbs down and makes another fart noise.
Rob Riggle: I've never heard of them, coach.
Pete Carroll: Oh my gosh.
Aubrey Plaza: Are they in Twilight?
Pete Carroll (exasperated): No.
Pete Carroll all but pushes Rob Riggle and Aubrey Plaza out the door.
Pete Carroll: We're going, alright. See you later. I've got to pack.
Rob Riggle: Whoa. What, for like a recruiting trip?
Pete Carroll: Jeez.
There's a knock at the door. Pete Carroll opens the door to reveal Rob
Riggle dressed in Seahawks gear.
Rob Riggle: I've got it. You stay here and coach and I'll go to Seattle
and coach, huh? Everybody wins!
Aubrey Plaza jumps up onto Rob Riggle's back and wraps her arms around
Rob Riggle's neck.
Aubrey Plaza (to Pete Carroll): Take me with you.
Rob Riggle: Do it, coach. Take her. I'm begging you.
Aubrey Plaza: If you don't, I'll burn your house down.
Pete Carroll slams the door on Rob Riggle and Aubrey Plaza.
Rob Riggle: Coach! Please, don't lock us out! Coach, take us with you!
Pete Carroll: Dear God! Jeez.
The shot fades to black and Rob Riggle can be heard screaming.
Rob Riggle: Coach.
The video cuts to black.
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